Stone by Stone

It's a new year, again.

2012-01-21T20:27:00.002-05:00

It's fairly sad to say that I was too busy to make a New Years Resolution. But this year it was just too true. I have made myself a couple of goals here and there, which I would like to put here in writing for all 5 of you who read this blog...this way you can help encourage me in them.

I want to memorize the book of Ephesians. It might not all get memorized in 2012, but I'm going to try. I miss memorizing Scripture and I'm hoping that this will help keep my brain cells growing instead of dying the way these children seem to want them to.

I want to blog at least twice a month. My sis-in-law just got me re-motivated. (Thanks Shu!) Yes, Facebook is good for sharing/pictures/etc but since moving to AL I have hardly taken any pictures and I'm pretty sure I've never even hooked up my external hard drive with all the pics on it. Which leads me to the next one...

I HAVE to get more organized at home. Bills are getting paid on time but not filed, pictures taken but not sorted through, etc. Baby steps, I know.

Watch less TV. As my job slows down I find myself still coming home and plopping in front of the tv because I'm tired. My goal this year is to not have that be my default setting after the kids go to bed.

Spend more quality time with my love. Have a date night at least every 2 months...and maybe twice this year, spend a weekend with no kids. Have I mentioned how much we love being close to our families?

Grow out my hair. Doesn't seem like much of a goal, but this is an easy one to cross off my list.

Learn more recipes and get out of the same old same old recipe doldrums.

Actually hang some pictures and curtains in my 5 month new to me house.

Keep up with my "counting gifts" and being thankful.

Ok, well, I'd better get off this computer now and actually start some of this stuff! It's challenging because I don't have as much "free" time as I used to when I was at home all day. Not that I was working any less being at home but my time was my own. I could do laundry and learn Scripture at the same time, where as at work I am getting paid to work 100%. Maybe one day I'll get to be at home more.......too bad managers can't work 4 10-hr days!!

Happenings

2011-12-11T23:16:00.003-05:00

So....we moved. And 4 months later, I am remembering this sad blog. I feel I've almost forgotten how to write, or even what to write about. My life is in a phase I'd like to dub "newborn job," which means that I don't sleep much and I'm working about as much as I would be spending time feeding, changing diapers, dealing with all that fun newborn stuff. I really like my job, I just would like to not spend so much time there. I'm hopeful that maybe by February I'll be working more 10 hr days and fewer 13 hr days. And by summer...who knows? The sky's the limit. Maybe one day I'll work 8-9 hr days again.

I could bore you with all kinds of stories about myself, but tonight I need to make it short and kinda sweet. I've had enough of my own whining this week so I want to be more positive today. We moved to a great new city into an amazing house. It's about 1600 square feet I think, which is approximately 35% bigger than our last apartment. We have the best fenced in backyard with shade trees in just the right places, but plenty of sunny areas for the occasional baby swimming pool and slip-n-slide. I am, from the bottom of my heart, so grateful for this home. For the first time in a long time, I feel we are making a home somewhere and not just surviving. (at least most days!)

If I choose to be positive and thankful, I will admit to myself that though our situation is a bit strange, I know that God has His hand on the whole thing. He was the one who orchestrated this whole move and He has blessed it. As much as I would ADORE to stay home full time with my children and be a home maker, that is most obviously not His plan for me. So I have to embrace with my whole self the fact that He has other ideas. (this is one of those "easier said than done" kind of things, in case you were wondering....) But the thankful part of me says that it is amazing that Marc gets to stay home with our children, and build so many fun memories with them. And the thankful part of me is grateful to even have a home with hardwood floors that echo every tiny noise so that I can't sleep in past 7 am.

Long story short, I am thankful. And grateful, and blessed, and honored that God has even chosen me to do anything for Him, in His Name. The days when I feel dishonored at work, like I have no purpose....I can choose to believe the same things I would believe if I were a full time mom/homemaker and struggling with the fact that "no one sees" what I do all day or the significance of it. I choose to believe that whatever thing I do, great or small, significant or insignificant, easy or difficult, if I do it for Christ and for His Name's sake, nothing is lost.

You didn't think I was going to stop at 200, did you?

2011-08-17T22:59:00.002-04:00

This poor blog has been so neglected. Since Marc started his part time evening job, I have no more energy for writing...all my brainpower is sucked out the window or something. But I have a surge of energy right now (or maybe it's just adrenaline but either way, I'll take it!) so I thought I'd jot down some of my thoughts.

1st thing, and this is a much longer story than just this simple sentence, but we are moving to Alabama next Thursday!! It's a very exciting move for us and very much all in God's timing and I don't feel like spending the rest of my night talking about moving so I won't. Moving post coming soon to a blog near you. But tonight...I want to talk about being yourself. Or myself. Or whatever makes more sense to you as you read this poor neglected blog.

Talking to my friend on the phone tonight, I was reflecting on how 3 years ago, I never would have pictured me in this place I'm in right now. I was still dealing with "friendship" issues with other women, stuff left over from childhood/schooldays that caused me to fear rejection and all the weird things that go along with that. I hated going to women's groups, hated trying to think up something to say so I wouldn't sound stupid, hated feeling that awkward silence when someone else feels awkward too. Fast forward a few years, and here I am. Nowhere near perfect...but I feel I'm really growing as a person. As much as I've hated having to work full time instead of being home with my precious children, I know that my job is probably one of the biggest things that has helped me really learn & grow.

What makes me feel like this all of a sudden? Not sure. I guess I was thinking about how I would have reacted to certain situations "back in the day" and I suddenly realize those things just aren't issues anymore. I wonder if part of this growth has just come from the forced patience you learn as a mom of young ones, too. When you haven't slept in 4 days, then what so-and-so thinks about me today because I didn't dress up for Bible study doesn't seem to matter so much anymore. :)

This past year, I finally feel like "me." I mostly feel confident and secure in who I am and where I am going in life. And it is pretty darn good! I know a lot of these changes have been because of my fantastic husband, and just all the learning that comes as a normal part of marriage. 12 years together have taught me a lot...and honestly, when I look back at that woman 12 years ago, I have no idea why he even picked me. You talk about nerds? Biggest one on the planet, right here. I don't even think I really knew what fun was until I married Marc. And now, here I am, turning out to be a bit of fun myself...and he's collecting playing cards for a hobby. Isn't that hilarious? Maybe we've switched roles a little--ha ha! :)

Everything I wrote in the last 10 minutes seems like a lot of rambling, but I'm not going to bother to even go back & re-read any of it. This will be like one of those "stream of consciousness" posts on all those really cool blogs, except it isn't. Cool, I mean.

Thanks for listening, or reading, or whatever. Maybe I can get this blog to 300 posts by the end of this century, wouldn't that be great?

P.S. My baby turns 1 year old in exactly 1 month. That just can't be possible. The End.

200

2011-05-16T19:54:00.002-04:00

No, not 200 things you wished you knew about me. (breathe a sigh of relief!) 200 posts on this blog. Probably would have been a lot more had I not started working full time 2 years ago, but oh well. I'm not in it for the numbers. Over the last few weeks I've had so many pictures & posts I've wanted to put here, but I've had to spend my time on other things. Such is life!

3 kids are busy. 3 kids and 3 jobs is even busier. Needless to say, I withdrew from "university" this summer. There was absolutely no way that was going to work out and in the words of Kenna, "That's just ok!" I prayed for God's will and He made it clear. Moving on to the next thing!

Lately I am almost overwhelmed thinking about the responsibility of raising these 3 blessings of mine. When they are babies, it seems easier somehow. All I'm concentrating on are diapers, feedings, and snuggling. Now, it's "so-and-so's not my best friend anymore because he always gets into trouble" and "what is hell?" These questions are not as easily answered. I'm finding I'm spending more time in God's Word and books from those I trust and less time the places you used to find me. Each day I'm practically running to Him for help. I just can't do this on my own--training these young ones is exhausting--but oh-so-worth-it!

Marc just got a new job, working at our church 4 nights a week. We are basically swapping out duties--he picks me up, we have about 10 minutes at home and then he leaves for work. It is great because it forces me to have quality time with the kids. But wow, is it tiring! The good news is that I can sleep more because I don't have to wait up for anyone. He is really enjoying this new job, and I'm enjoying watching him enjoy. Did you enjoy that? :)

One of my favorite things about moving to WV is that it has forced us to do a lot of things we may not have chosen for ourselves. Marc has taken on several roles he never thought he would--and finding that he really likes the new roles. I am gaining a thorough understanding of what it means to work all day and then come home to be bombarded with husband-kids-housework-etc and just crave 15 minutes to myself to wind down. Having virtually no friends in this town, we have re-become each others' best friend. Evenings spent together have been so rewarding and fun, and our marriage has grown stronger. I see both of us responding more patiently, more selflessly. At least most of the time... :) I wish that we would/could have learned some of these lessons 8-10 years ago. How much richer our relationship would be! But then, there's always the possibility that it is only because of the hardships we've been through together that we now know the right way to respond. Hmm.

I wish I had something wise and profound to write about tonight, but I'm just too tired. And the baby is crying. Something about teeth coming in...and why do both girls have to teeth at once? Every time? It just doesn't seem right.

Emi is 8 months old tomorrow. I could say "where does the time go?" but you're tired of hearing that. She is crawling around like a crazy baby. One minute she's right there, the next she is in the bathroom because she heard the bath water running (loves her bath!). We finally bought her a dresser this weekend. She still lives in the closet but at least now she has a proper place for her clothes. Those 3 drawer clear Rubbermaid bins only last so long. She has 3 teeth and 1 on the way. Only 4,286 more teeth to go. I jest...

Zach "graduates" from preschool next Wednesday. I watched some young kids get on the bus this morning and thought to myself, "He is not going to school in August and he is most certainly not riding the bus." But...he will be doing all those things, and without me. I'm not ready yet. I know this will come as a shock to those of you who really know him, but his new favorite topic is weather. (Maps, geography...it only makes sense that weather would be next.) Unfortunately for us, that results in some obsessions with bad weather and feeling scared. And since it does nothing but rain where we live, I had to get creative. Last week when it started to storm, I told him that every time he heard thunder or saw lightning, he should say, "God loves me." Cheesy, yes, but I had a feeling it would work. So far, so good. He still gets nervous so he says it all run together, like "Godlovesme." Melts my little heart. Also, we are re-learning first time obedience because Mom/Dad have slacked off apparently. We are discussing telling the truth and that character means that you do what's right no matter if anyone is watching you. Did I mention this is exhausting? I'm sure my mom is chuckling under her breath as she reads this...

Kenna. Maybe we should skip the paragraph about Kenna. She's two and a half. All we do is first time obedience. It's hard to do without laughing at her, and she knows it. She tries to get us to laugh now which makes it even harder to be serious. Bundle of joy and wonder--she is so caring and loving. One of her new favorite things to do is "give a present." She takes her owl blankie, wraps up a little board book she has, like a present. And says, "would you like to open it with me?" Then we both have to open it together and we both say, "Wooowww" with a very surprised face. She wants to do this over and over for about 20 minutes. Then she gets tired of it for about 5 minutes, and then we start again. I'm enjoying all her playacting...it forces me to be more creative with her and to really engage myself. Her other new favorite thing is for me to put her hair into pigtail braids. I did this one night after bath and she was so excited...now that's the only way she wants you to do her hair! I have many pictures, and maybe in the next 2 weeks I'll post some. (Just being real, this is my life. Sorry!)

I think we covered everyone in the family so now you have the update. It might be the last 2011 update since we're going to be very tired this year. Ha! Trying to get out of debt and stay out, and we're very determined. You don't know how tempting it is to just rush out and buy a second vehicle... But last week I paid off a credit card, and that feeling was so much more rewarding than driving around a new minivan. Or so I keep telling myself.

It's 8:33 and that's my cue to put jammies on and go to sleep. I am thankful I even made it through this blog post. I also got to nurse my baby to sleep for (I'm sure) one of the last times ever in my life. I complained earlier about the teething thing, but it was pretty special to just sit in the darkness with her and watch her sleeping so peacefully. It's always nice when that happens and it's not 2 in the morning! I am thankful for Nabisco because without them it wouldn't have been possible to eat the 5 Chips Ahoy! cookies I just ate. I'm thankful that my husband works so hard to take care of our family. I've never met a more hard-working man, such a servant. So blessed!

Can we boast?

2011-05-02T19:50:00.002-04:00

"You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things." Rom 2:1-2

I'm grateful that a man who chose to do so much evil can no longer do it. However, I wish hell on no one. Jesus said whoever hates his brother is a murderer. So, I am just as guilty as Osama. Maybe the consequences to my sin are not as great as his, but I am guilty, no question. "No one is righteous, not even one." Rom 3:10

"For no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are. But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him...We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins." Rom 3:20-24

"Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No." Rom 3:27

Before noon

2011-04-22T17:14:00.000-04:00

I was walking in to work this morning from my car across the parking lot…it is cold and rainy and I shivered. And then I thought, “Was Jesus cold on the cross? Did He even feel the temperature amidst all the other pain?” Oh, how He suffered. For me. I’ve been reading the story in Matthew; this year it seems to pierce me through and through all that He went through. The mocking, the torture. The sleepless night before, praying, “…but not my will be done. Your will be done.” Knowing early the next morning all that He would endure.

He was crucified before noon. Not sure why that never struck me before. Even the revolutionaries crucified on either side of him mocked him, Matthew says. People walked by Him and said, “if you are the Son of God, rescue Yourself!” He was so unconcerned with His own reputation, His own name. He honored His Father with His obedience, even to death on a cross. At noon, darkness fell. For three hours, it was dark…Jesus felt the rejection of His Father. “why have you abandoned me?” And yet He obeyed, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame.

After that, He shouted and released His spirit. The curtain tore in two, the earth shook, rocks split apart, and tombs opened. Godly people who were dead came out of the cemetery and appeared to people in the city. And the people said, “this man truly was the Son of God!”

He suffered such agony, so that I could live. So that you could live. Suddenly, it doesn’t matter so much, this cold wind and rain. The smoke in my apartment they can’t get rid of. This blemish on my chin that really hurts.

Such love, that overcomes every obstacle, every chain, every sin…and rushes me to His side. I am overwhelmed.

A message to my peeps (not the marshmallow ones)

2011-04-20T21:16:00.003-04:00

I can't come up with a title for this post, but I might by the end of this. Got a whole lotta things going on...

Registered for classes yesterday. Feeling old. Might be a good thing that I'm only taking online classes this summer. Feeling a little nervous that I don't have this in me. But I guess all I can do is try, right?

Going to bed at 10 pm every night. It feels weird, but good all at the same time.

Emi turned 7 months on Sunday. She grew a lot today; her face looked different when I got home from work. I hate it when that happens because then I definitely know I missed out on stuff while I was working.

Reading some really great books, all of which send me to my Bible for more reading. I like that. Elisabeth Elliot is my new favorite author of all time. That woman has a lot to share and a lot to give.

Amy Carmichael is my new hero. Or heroine? That just sounds too much like the drug so let's just go with hero. She's in heaven with Jesus now so I doubt she cares what I call her. I don't know that I've ever had a hero before (other than my mom who is still my hero). I like this too.

PixyStix. Grape ones. That your husband finds hiding on the top of the fridge for you when you mention how there is nothing left to eat in the house. That have an expiration date of Nov 2011 on them which makes you wonder how long they have been there, and how long, exactly, PixyStix last on the shelf. But, oh, the wonder of it!! Takes me back to when I was 11 and used to ride bikes up to Colonial Pharmacy in Sarver, PA. 25 cents would get you one of those really big fat PixyStix things. And a whole lotta sugar buzz.

Do you ever wonder what Jesus did for fun? I do. We were created in His image, after all, and so there's got to be some sense of humor or desire to have fun there, right? So what do you think He did? Volleyball? Communist Church? (just kidding) Tic tac toe? It's something to think about, for sure.

I'm not all fun and games, either. I've got a ton of serious stuff going through my mind and heart right now, but none of it that I can share (yet?). I hope whatever He's doing in me is for keeps.

All 3 of my kids want singular quality time with me when I get home from work each night. It's challenging. Oh, and impossible. Did I mention impossible? To share a bit of the drama with you, last night I ate my dinner (wonderfully cooked by my adoring husband by the way) with Kenna on one knee, Emi in the other arm, trying to scoop corn and rice into my mouth while missing Kenna's face/hair with the tines of my fork, and keeping the plate away from Emi who is now grabbing everything in sight. Oh, and from time to time Emi would dive bomb my shirt because she wanted to nurse. It is nothing short of a miracle that my plate did not crash to the floor. Hard to describe but trust me, it was funny!

Talked to my dad on the phone tonight. A rare few minutes when neither of us had anything to do but talk to each other. It was wonderful.

I saw a sweet potato (yam for all you southerners) that was as big as my head tonight at Kroger. No lie. I would have taken a picture to prove it to you but I was talking to my dad. Now that I'm thinking about it, I should have just bought it to show my son. Maybe I could get him to eat the BIGGEST SWEET POTATO EVER.

I caught myself looking around the house for inspiration for something to write about, which is a sure sign that I need to end this post. (I always do this when I was sending tokbox video messages to my sister, and funnily enough, she would do the same thing to me. You know you did, Jacque...)

I'm almost 100% sure that I will not be writing here again before Resurrection Sunday. Please, have a blessed weekend with your families...as we celebrate our Savior's death, burial, and resurrection, remember the suffering, the sacrifice He made so we could live eternally. And then remember that our sins are buried forever with Christ and we have been made alive in Him!! Oh, Happy Day, Happy Day!

Grace and peace to you all. My peeps.

Shh.

2011-04-04T22:35:00.004-04:00

" 'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. If he can keep us hearing radios, gossip, conversation, or even sermons, he is happy. But he will not allow quietness. For he believes Isaiah where we do not. Satan is quite aware of the power of silence. The voice of God, though persistent, is soft...Let us resist the devil in this by avoiding noise as much as we can, purposefully seeking to spend time alone, facing ourselves in the Word...Satan is aware of where we find our strength. May he not rob us!" --Jim Elliot, in a letter to his family during his college days

I am reading this book about the life of Jim Elliot (Shadow of the Almighty), the quote above is from pg 85. There is so much wisdom that can be gleaned from the life of this missionary, who died at an early age at the hand of a primitive Indian tribe. Challenging, to say the least. I have to read it in bits and pieces, mostly due to time constraints, but honestly, there is much to think on after I read.

One thing this has convinced me of: I need to re-start writing in my journal. And I need to write more paper letters. Email is great, but what does it leave behind for others? Yes, I suppose I can hope that this blog might "endure," ha ha, but really, probably not. Unless someone knows this little ol' blog exists, chances are good that it remains mostly anonymous.

Yet there are things I do not wish to write for the world wide web to see, things my heart is pondering, that one day I might wish for my daughters to know about as they begin their journey of motherhood. Those things may be missed because I am too busy, or because my email password got lost.

So, I begin. A cheap little journal from BAM and I'm ready to go. Yes, I did need a new one, because I have no earthly idea where my others are.

Oh, and on the silence passage above? I felt compelled after I read that passage to return to my hotel room (traveling for work this week) and NOT turn on the tv at all. Do you have any idea how hard that is? When you are traveling alone, the tv is like company. It really doesn't matter what's on, the point is, someone is there with you.

Seriously, I about fell off my bed just typing that when I realized how ridiculous that sounded. "the tv is like company." Really? I clearly have some issues with quiet and just "being." I thought it was interesting that Jim said (speaking of the devil) "For he believes Isaiah where we do not." Because, isn't the absence of practicing something an unbelief in that practice? If I really believed the Bible, wouldn't I act like it was true for me, at all times?

Read your Bible, pray every day, and you'll grow...grow...grow.

I've been thinking a lot

2011-03-25T22:01:00.002-04:00

Is it a lot or alot? Hmmm...too bad I don't care enough to actually look it up in a dictionary. ha ha

Yes, back to the thinking. See, I have so many things I could write in this public space, but each time I try I erase it all & tell myself, "maybe in a few more days." It feels so ridiculous to say something like "God's been talking to me so much." It almost feels preachy and irreverant and cocky. I think it should be worded more like "I'm listening to God more." Because He's never stopped talking to me; it was always me who was not listening well.

The practices in this book are changing me. "Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God...giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me..." is what He tells me (Psalm 50). It's not a trite statement or a silly habit. It changes a person, from the inside out. Don't get me wrong, I am NO saint. It seems like the closer I get to Him, the more I experience a desperate need for Him. The more I know His ways for me, the more I realize that I "have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Rom 3:23) Without His daily grace, I am nothing.

So...I have just typed 2 completely different paragraphs, neither of which is fit for print or web, and erased them both. This is one of the things I have been learning. To weigh each word carefully....I definitely do not always succeed. But I'm finding with practice that more words are left unsaid on purpose and my heart changes with the discarding of them. Instead, I try to speak His Words. "As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in Your commands." Psalm 119:143

The things I learned from Ann Voskamp's words...they leave me grasping for air, grabbing for my Lifeline and wondering whether I can survive the hard things I am being asked to do. Giving thanks is easy to do when life is good. You get a raise? Thanks, Lord! Have plenty of food in the fridge? God, You are so good! But what about when things take a turn? "Lord, I thank you because my best friend has cancer." Umm...? "God, I am so grateful I had a really horrible week at work." Not so much.

But I am challenging myself. The concept of a gratitude journal seems very tween-ish to me, like something I would have done (or probably did) when I was 12. I didn't care, though; I bought one anyway. A little $2 notebook that I keep in my purse, right next to my pocket Bible (the New Living Translation is my favorite). I'm up to 56 things right now. Some thankful thoughts come easier than others. A few days a week I struggle to find ways to thank Him, but I always can. It's not a Pollyanna attitude, it's a new way of thinking. Not pie-in-the-sky, but a true view of my reality, good or bad, and then like a glass of water in the face it hits you, this blessing. And then, that one. I find that it comes easier each day.

1. Chocolate chip cookie making with my kids
6. Daughters in dresses
13. Free lunches
17. Prayer calendars
19. Being remembered
23. The joy of losing weight
24. Free cake
32. Baby teeth and milestones
39. A God who does not change like shifting shadows
44. Turquoise necklaces
45. Men who translated the Bible
49. Six bowls of Honey Bunches of Oats

(yes, the irony is not lost on me with #23 and #24...funny because I wrote them on different days & didn't realize!)

When I first visited A Holy Experience and witnessed Ann's counting of gifts, I thought, "oh, well, that's so sweet that she keeps track of the things she's thankful for." I had absolutely no idea what it would mean for me. I have a feeling that this little notebook will be my Bible's companion and that I am now forever destined to carry around a large purse. ha ha

Gifts, they are all gifts. From the greatest Giver in the world.

Some things you should know about me

2011-03-13T21:25:00.003-04:00

I do not like truffles (the chocolate kind). I'd rather have a caramel or something with chocolate/nuts.
I'm not ready for my oldest to be in kindergarten. Enough said.
I wonder most days if what I do really makes a difference to anyone.
I hate matchy-matchy things. I want furniture that doesn't come from a set, decorations picked up from here and there. This is, of course, when I actually live somewhere that I can decorate. Currently my walls are renter-white with no pictures hung.
I used to think I loved the mountains more, but my heart belongs to the Midwest. The rolling prairies, the "big sky," the gorgeous sunsets and sunrises....I want to be there forever. I think that is what heaven will be like for me. And my closest mansion-owning neighbor will be 45 acres away from me.
I also want my children to grow up close to their grandparents. Which means I'm going to have to wait til heaven for my beloved prairie life.
I love Bacos. You know, those fake bacon flavored bits? Yes, I know it is "hydrogenated something-or-other" but I just like it. Blame it on my sister in law who introduced me 12 years ago. :) I also do like real bacon bits on my salad, but if I'm given a choice, it will be Bacos all the way. (p.s. I cannot find Bacos in my city any more...feel free to send me some)
I do not understand why God sovereignly placed me in America. Why should I deserve any better than the 95% of the rest of the world who live so differently? I'll spend my days figuring out why and trying desperately to make a difference whereever I can.
About to re-read my copy of One Thousand Gifts. This book has changed my life, in the best of ways. It will be the best $10 you ever spend, I promise you that.
I love turquoise. I want to buy everything I see that is this color. Porcelain birds, necklaces, placemats, belts, throw pillows.
I am ashamed when I think of all the years I spent arguing with my husband about stupid things. The number of times I ruined an afternoon drive or a trip to Chicago because I wanted to do things "my way." I can only hope that I can grow and change to be the wife he needs me to be.
God delights in me. He loves me, He treasures me. I cannot believe most days that He brings Himself down to my level to speak to me. That the God of the Universe, known and unknown, would lower Himself, become a baby that grows into a man just so we could know that "He was tempted in every way, just as we are, and yet was without sin." It's more than I can take in.

What should I know about you?

Don't need it don't want it don't gotta have it

2011-02-08T22:58:00.003-05:00

I had a mini revelation of sorts tonight. It was awesome. What's that? You want me to share it with you? Oh...sure!

(For the record, I really do know that I'm a geek. I like it that way. The End.)

Tonight was my Target night. I try to do that about once every 2 weeks...get out of the house for the purpose of being non-mommy, non-wife, non-employee and just be good ole me. Usually this results in exciting purchases like toilet paper, toothpicks, or greeting cards. But tonight--tonight was a good Target night. I found some cute pants & an adorable top for work. And these really amazing earrings that go with like a hundred shirts I have (did I mention they were amazing?).

Of course, there were a few things I actually had on my list, like a replacement tv stand so that my children don't injure themselves when the old tv stand from 11 years ago finally stops wobbling back and forth & lands on top of them. I love to browse at Target...who doesn't? I walked around the whole store, picking up this shirt, those pants, that cute pair of earrings. Since I work full time, I can justify those purchases. And they were on clearance--a very important fact!

But you know what, about the time that I was heading to the checkout counter, it hit me: I don't need that adorable shirt, those cute pants, or those amazing earrings. I just don't need them. Yes, I can justify it. Yes, it was on sale. Yes, the money was in the budget for them. Yes, I wanted them. I really didn't need it...and for the first time ever, I realized that I really didn't want it either. Crazy talk, I know.

I'm not entirely sure I can put my finger on what happened tonight. After all, I am one of the world's cheapest individuals. I've weighed my want for an item against the price and put lots of stuff back, knowing I could get a better deal a few months down the road. I can deny myself things. But today, it was just different. I actually wanted to make a better choice with my money, more than I wanted to buy the stuff.

All this Dave Ramsey stuff is wearing off on me. "Debt is normal. Be weird." It's my new motto.

Lighthearted

2011-01-29T21:05:00.002-05:00

What little time I've spent on this blog in the last year has been mostly my serious thoughts. I figured it was about time to update you on the family and show some cute pictures. I think everyone who reads this is probably friends with me on Facebook, but oh well--you get to see these pics twice, then!

Happy New Year 2011! Several years ago, we started a new tradition of making a Happy New Year Cake...I use the numbered candles. This year I added a twist: Happy New Year Cinnamon Rolls! Since I started back to work, the last day of the year is a busy one for me and I often don't make it home in time to make the HNY cake, let it cool to frost it & then celebrate. I saw a post online about a family who decided to celebrate NYE at noon on New Years Day...still "12 o'clock" but actually lets the children enjoy the time. You can tape the ball dropping (which we didn't do this year since I thought of it that day) and replay it to let them count down with you. I especially loved not having any pressure to stay up later. I think the kids enjoyed the cinnamon rolls and this way no one had any "cranky-before-bed" attitudes. :)

Marc has started a new hobby of collecting playing cards. He has some pretty cool ones, if I do say so. I initially gave him a hard time about his hobby, but have since asked forgiveness--I love playing with the different colored decks! Our favorite deck is the brown one. I bought Marc a book called "great card games for one"...basically a Solitaire book. There are some really neat solitaire games I had never heard of! We learned a game together called "The Scorpion" and spent all night playing solitaire "together" trying to beat it...it was a little funny thinking about playing separate solitaire games at each end of the table. We're still trying to beat The Scorpion with the brown deck....

Marc & Zach played with the decks of cards one day while I was at work. Marc took some really neat pictures; here's one!

Zachary is 5 now (back in November, I think I forgot to post about it). He is SO smart and such a sweet little man. His reasoning skills are definitely improving, which makes first time obedience a new challenge for him. He's getting better at obeying "the first time with a happy heart" (one of our mottos), but I love to see the wheels turning in his mind when he comes up with an alternate solution. :) He can have a great conversation with just about anyone, and his latest favorite things are maps of any kind. We bought him a globe for Christmas & on the days when we have extra patience, we sit with him on Google Maps and check all the places out that he's never been before.

A month after his 5th birthday, I was able to pray with him to invite Jesus into his heart. Pretty much the best night of my life! We've been talking about him praying for awhile, and he's always expressed that he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart, but he'd say something like "when baby Emily is born, then I'll pray" or "after Christmas, mom, then I will ask Jesus into my heart." My favorite part of the whole experience with him is that it happened during our regular nighttime Bible reading/praying routine (not just a "special" church service or something else like that...there's nothing wrong with that but I just loved that it was a normal, everyday thing). More than anything, I want my kids to grow up seeing us model the Christian life and embracing their spirituality on a daily basis. We're no saints, but we hope we can teach our children to rely on God for everything...even on the bad days we need to ask for help! I digress...

Emily...She is 4 months old in this picture (a few weeks ago). "Emi," as she was nicknamed by her older sister! This little sweetie is such a joy to be around. She's an easygoing baby and rarely gets upset. When she does, she has a strange "throaty" cry which, to be honest, really drives me & Marc crazy! It's such a weird little cry, but it's hers. :) I went back to work on November 1st (6 weeks after having her) and while Marc had a bit of a transition, things are going very smoothly now. She's been sleeping in her own crib in her "room" which is really our walk in closet. I'll have to post a picture of that sometime; it's pretty funny, actually!

She coos and squeals and laughs and is in love with her older brother. She & Zach have a special bond. Kenna is warming up to her; for the first few months, she just acted like Emi didn't exist, but now she'll sing to her and talk to her and every once in awhile kick her in the head or something truly affectionate. She loves her Exersaucer and her swing and will pretty much be happy with wherever you put her. We are so thankful for her sweet temperament and she brings us so much joy!

My three on a fun Saturday morning we had together, just the 4 of us (Marc was sleeping since he worked the night before)

Kenna....well, there's not much to say. Below are the many fashion styles of Kenna Stone. She is tomboy and girly-girl princess and feisty charmer and little ninja all in one. She keeps us on our toes! We can't turn our backs for a minute when she's awake--and sometimes when she is asleep we can't even relax. One morning around 10 am, Marc said to Zachary, "Why is there a stick of butter on your bed?" Z said "I don't know, Dad." Then we realized that Kenna had gotten up early, gone to the kitchen, gotten a stick of butter & brought it into Z's room & put it on his bed. Then she went back to her room and we all slept through it.

Last Sunday, she salted my bowl of Froot Loops while I had to leave the kitchen quickly to tend to Emi. Marc was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher and she must have done it while his back was turned. I'm telling you, we can't turn our backs for even a second! And yet, she's such a charmer, and gives the best hugs ever. I love watching her grow and learn. Today I was planning to make some rolls from scratch. I got out the flour, set it on the counter, and then Emi woke up from her nap. I had to feed her, so I settled on the couch. About 2 minutes later, I realized how quiet it was & called out to Kenna. No answer. So I got up with the baby, went into the kitchen and found that she had brought her stepstool to the counter, pulled the whole (almost full) 5 lb bag of flour onto the floor, gotten a spoon out of the drawer, and started spooning flour onto the floor. When I saw her, she looked up & said, "I'm making cookies, Mom." Like, "no big deal, I've got this under control." A hot mess, I'm telling you...

She wears this bucket on her head most every day.

Bucket and snowpants. You'll see it on the runway in a few months....Oh, and don't forget the black cowgirl boots. Trend setter for sure.

Hoodie sweater and snowpants. She would wear these snowpants all day & night if we let her.

I finally got a good picture of Emi's double chin! Sometimes when she's tired, her face droops ever more and she starts drooling. She looks like a cute little bulldog!

Hope you enjoyed the pictures & the updates. Marc & I are pretty much doing the same thing we always do, so no updates there. We're learning to embrace our new WV life the best we can...I'm learning that no matter what, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

Love to all!

Mommies with Grace

2011-01-17T20:03:00.003-05:00

I've had this post on my mind for quite some time. It's a tricky one to share. I'm talking about Stay at Home Mommies (SAHM) vs. Working Mommies...and just the word "versus" makes me angry. :) I know that none of us actually "say" that we are at odds, but the truth is that I don't think we know how to act around each other.

I've been both, for a decent period of time, so I guess I feel I've seen both sides. I'm even experiencing an interesting version of Working Mommy right now because my amazing husband is a SAHD and cooks and cleans.

So, here's the thing I've been dying to say. I've waited because I wanted to be able to share it with grace and peace and love. NEITHER ONE IS HARDER THAN THE OTHER.

Did you get that? Let me say it again: NEITHER MOMMY JOB IS HARDER THAN THE OTHER. They. are. both. hard.

A few thoughts, & then I'll jump into some pointers for "the other side." I know that a lot of people have opinions on "what is always best" for mothers and their children. I had some pretty strong opinions myself a few years ago. Please, please please. Can we give each other some grace? Because I know I need it....

The Stay at Home Mommy's World

This is a difficult road to walk. Staying at home with your kids is what you always dreamed of, right? Those glorious mornings when you would leisurely wake up at 8, make a healthy breakfast for your little sweethearts, spend the morning reading and learning Latin. WRONG! More like, your day starts at 5:30 a.m. when a 2 year old climbs into your bed (if not earlier when you are nursing a little one), you stumble into the kitchen, MAKE COFFEE, turn on Barney, and sit on the couch and pretend you're awake while your kid says, "Mommy, watch THIS!" Then when they won't quit bothering you, you drag yourself off the couch, pour them a bowl of Froot Loops, and wonder how you're ever going to make it through this day.

The reality is, you have hard days even when you aren't in a corporate environment. It's still a struggle to get out of bed every day and feel purposeful in the dishes and the laundry and the endless "Mommy, watch THIS!" You know that God has called you to train them and teach them, but you have no idea how to do it, much less do it well. You feel like an utter failure when 4:30 p.m. rolls around and the house looks like you haven't touched it all day, you totally forgot to put your roast in the crockpot and the only thing left to eat is peanut butter on a spoon. Except all the spoons are dirty...

Dinner, bath time, Bible time, bed time. Didn't think you'd make it this long. Fold the 2 loads of laundry you somehow managed to wash during the day, set them outside the rooms to be put away in the morning, load and run the dishwasher, balance the checkbook, put the baby down, and then finally, blissfully, it's your time.

The Working Mommy's World

Yuck. Even now, I think about this world, and I want to stick out my tongue at it. It's the world I'm currently in...not by choice, although I am learning to find joy every day in my new role. The thing about the Working Mommy's world is that it's different for every WM. Some of us work part-time from the home (a "status symbol" in my mind...still hard but at least you are mostly home with the kids!), some of us work part-time out of the home, and still others full-time outside the home. Some of us choose to work, others of us feel forced to work.

We didn't dream about waking up early, squeezing in a nursing session with the newborn, hurry up and ignore the older ones in order to get a shower so you look presentable for work. Rush through getting ready, get your coat on, pick up the baby to get one last breath of that beautiful "baby scent" only to get thrown up on and have to completely change clothes. Late for work again, this time with no breakfast. And we drive to work (or are driven to work in my case), checking work email on the way there to anticipate the next "crisis," all the while wondering "How on earth am I going to make it through this day?"

Is there really a purpose in those daily and weekly reports, the last minute "I've got to have that number!" and "Your action plan for increasing cash collections is due by Friday."? Most of us don't think so. We wonder if the baby is adjusting to his morning nap or if our 2 year old is feeling better since she was up half the night with a toothache. Lunch is a scarfed down bag of microwave popcorn around 1:30, and next thing you know, it's 4:30 and that report didn't get turned in on time. Fail, fail, fail.

Get home from work (the lucky ones have at least 15 minutes in the car before being attacked by the kids). Get attacked by the kids, nurse the baby, read stories, get attacked by the kids. Desperately try to get 5 minutes to breathe. Hide in the closet. Be found in the closet. Try to find humor in the fact that your kids want to be with you on the floor in the closet. Give up, help with baths, Bible time, bed time. Finally scarf down the cold remains of supper while collapsing on the couch. Sometimes do dishes and fold laundry, balance the checkbook. And then, it's You-time.

See what I mean? Still hard. Just different-hard.

A couple of things to take away from my tongue-in-cheek post. One, there is no way I could ever do justice to a single mom's lifestyle. Way, way, way, way, WAY harder than anything I just mentioned. Props to those of you who do it, with God's grace and strength. He will carry you.

Two, we need to do a better job of reaching out to "the other side" of women. It's really hard, I know. For a long, LONG time, as a working mom, I felt like it wasn't even worth it to meet other moms because I knew I didn't have much to give. I couldn't meet for coffee after dropping the kids off at school, or have a playdate at the park. Not to mention that even if I remembered to call my friends in the middle of the day, I simply couldn't while I was working. We need to learn to love each other well, even when we can't completely relate to the other's current lifestyle. It's a work in progress for me.

Three, we are different. But different is okay. As much as I would love to stay that God "calls all women to stay at home with their children," I can't. Because if I said that, does that mean I'm disobeying God right now? A lot of you know my story, but basically it was "homelessness" or "Mommy goes to work." Not so hard to make that decision when you know your kids eat 2 tons of food every day.

A few challenges to SAHM: 1) Realize that while you are just as busy as the working mommy, you have more "free time." Enjoy it. Use it wisely. Doing dishes and folding laundry is pretty mindless. Take charge of that time and use it to pray for others, or meditate on God's word. 2)Also, reach out to a working mommy you may know. A quick call to say, "I'm thinking of you," means more than you ever know. Even if you know she won't or can't answer the phone, taking 2 minutes out of your day to do that is a such a blessing. 3) Try not to complain too loudly about being at home all the time. Others are desperately wanting to be where you are.

A few challenges to Working Moms: 1) Be thankful for the time you get "outside of the house." Whether by your choice or by necessity, you get to be with other adults for awhile. See it as a blessing. God is giving you a chance to be Salt and Light in the world. Don't forget that others' eyes are always watching to see how you respond to situations. 2) Make an effort to be a friend. Continue your old friendships, or try to find a new friend. Don't let your loneliness drive you away from other women. You need community! A quick phone call to your SAHM friend means a lot to them, too. She realizes that you are busy, but knowing you thought of her makes her feel special! 3) Don't make SAHM feel "less than" because they don't bring home a paycheck, or they don't "do as much as you do." Their role is just as vital as yours, and they work just as hard. Remember that you get appreciated and usually paid! And they often do not.

What do you think, ladies? Can we show grace to each other? Thanks for reading.

Untitled

2010-12-30T21:37:00.002-05:00

In the stillness,

You are there.

I want to be there, too.

A few of my favorite things

2010-12-09T23:29:00.003-05:00

My husband's face when he gets a brand new atlas.

Baby Emmy snuggled up on my chest once she finally surrenders to sleep.

Zach, hair all rumpled, tripping over his feet into my room at 11:15 pm to tell me he had a bad dream, that "the moon gave special powers to his green night light and it turned into a white night light." I hope that's as scary as his dreams ever get.

Tucking him in, praying over him, rubbing his head until he falls asleep just like my mom used to do for me. Closing my eyes and feeling her hand gently on my own head once again...

Kenna's scrunched up little face saying very distinctly, "no, I don't!" to anything she doesn't like or doesn't want you to do. And then smiling so wide that you instantly forget what she just said to you.

My work laptop back from the dead, miraculously healed with no files missing after a dreadful battle with my glass of Mr. Pibb. I've been teased this week about naming my laptop. I think I shall call her "Lazarus."

Getting good news about a friend out of surgery.

Realizing that life doesn't consist of the stuff I have. It is what I am and Who I know. It is the life I pour into others that will forever make a difference. And the knowing that generations will reap what I sow...I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those I will never know.

That song from Sara Groves that I just quoted. :)

Crispy, soft, cheesy, melty hashbrowns from Schwans, made with love by my love of 11 years. No one makes 'em better.

Finding fulfillment in where you are in life, no matter if it's where you thought you would be.

Realizing that I can still do anything I set my mind to. And at 30, I still have my whole life ahead of me, God willing.

Date nights, trying new foods, laughing, slurping up Sonic drinks together.

My life is full. My heart is full. I am blessed.

More power to ya

2010-12-03T21:09:00.004-05:00

Have you seen that silly commercial for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!? "Turn the tub around..." That's what I feel this week has been for me. Turn it all around for better. Cheesy, yes. True, also yes.

This week I had one of the hardest days of parenting and life. A day I didn't think I would make it through. A day where extremely harsh words were spoken by a tired momma to her frustrated children. Milk was spilled, tears were spilled. A day where (I am sure) my staff IM'd each other something like "watch out!" Not my finest moment.

A few days before, I had spent some time in reflection and decided that I really haven't been spending enough time reading God's Word (read: have hardly opened my Bible in several weeks). I know I have all sorts of excuses, a new baby being one of them. But I've noticed some weakness lately. I easily yell at the kids, quickly snap an undeserved comment to my husband, cranky and irritable. Sure, I could be getting more sleep, but that's never a guarantee in this phase of life.

So I decided that I was going to not read any fiction books during the month of December. I wanted to be able to use whatever reading time I had available to meditate on Scripture and bring my heart back to health. "O taste and see that the Lord is good." "How sweet are your words to my mouth, like a honeycomb." I've done this exercise before, and usually the first several days are more like discipline. Hard, dry, a little painful. (I decided to start a few days early, since I obviously needed some help, fast!)

But, oh, the sweetness of the Word of God for me! My spirit soaked up His Word like a desert in the springtime rains. Little pieces of wisdom, tucked away for another moment. I love His Word. So true, so pure, so just.

I've been thinking alot about my weakness and what it can do to show God's strength to the world. Sure, we all have bad days, but it's what we do with our rough edges that can bring glory to His Name.

Loving this old Petra song this week:
(Lyrics by Bob Hartman)

You say you've been feeling weaker, weaker by the day
You say you can't make the joy of your salvation stay
But good things come to them that wait
Not to those who hesitate
So hurry up and wait upon the Lord

More power to ya
When you're standing on His word
When you're trusting with your whole heart in the message you have heard
More power to ya
When we're all in one accord
They that wait upon the Lord, they shall renew, they shall renew their strength

Jesus promised His disciples He'd give strength to them
Jesus told them all to tarry in Jerusalem
When they were all in one accord
The power of His Spirit poured
And they began to turn the world around

So be strong in the Lord, in the power of His might
Put on all His armor and fight the good fight
In all of our weakness, He becomes so strong
When He gives us the power and the strength to carry on

Hideouts

2010-11-29T20:58:00.003-05:00

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 90:1

Fathers make the best forts, don't you think?

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:9

...For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27:5

Shortcuts

2010-11-23T06:04:00.004-05:00

It's 6 a.m. and my body wants to go back to sleep. This little sweetie slept from 8:45 p.m. until 5:15 a.m., when I had to wake her up to feed her. All you nursing moms can sympathize with me! :) The good news is that I slept from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. The longest sleep I've had since last January!!

Lately, I've been trying to train myself to look for the good, to "in everything give thanks." Not just because it's Thanksgiving time, but because it's good for my soul.

Yesterday after work, we had to venture downtown to visit the courthouse. I'm not even sure I can properly explain what I was after, but it was some piece of paper affidavit that basically said I didn't live in Monongalia County, WV, in 2008. Apparently, in order to renew your license plate & get that little sticker of approval, one has to have this document to prove you have paid all your personal property taxes.

So, in WV, you have to pay personal property taxes on homes, mobile homes, boats, RVs, vehicles, and dogs. Yes, there is a dog tax. What's up with that? Good thing I didn't get a dog last Christmas like I wanted...

Back to the thankfulness thing: So we were headed downtown to the courthouse, which was open until 7 on Mondays. I didn't really want to go (who ever wants to go do this kind of stuff?), but having only one car makes you do things you don't want to do at times you don't want to do them. Since all the WVU students were gone for Thanksgiving break, the traffic downtown was pleasantly light and we found the street easily. And just as easily passed the courthouse...so we had to turn around.

Of course, almost every street is one way so it was quite the trek to make it back to where we were and then we got stuck on some "major" side road where not even 1 car made it through each traffic light. No joke. I found myself getting seriously frustrated and had one of those moments where I say things that I regret about 15 minutes later. I actually told my husband he's not allowed to take shortcuts in WV because this place is stupid and every shortcut he takes ends in disaster or a 20 minute extra drive. And even though it's true--this is not the first time he's tried a "shortcut"--it should not have been said. Especially out loud. So I apologized to him and said "well, what can I be thankful about instead?" He said with a smile, "nothing--just be bitter." Crazy man! He always knows how to make me laugh...I LOVE that about him! But bitter isn't better.

If you've ever visited my town, you'll know that there is no point in thinking about shortcuts. Yes, it might look like that small little road will cut through the mountainy-windy roads so that you don't have to go 2 miles to technically go half a mile. But it won't work, not ever. Each time I've tried to "cut through" somewhere or take a turn early because the traffic lights were backed up, it has ended in disaster. One way streets, one way alleys that appear to be streets, crazy triangular intersections...

And I wonder if that doesn't have a parallel to the rest of my life, too. It's so easy to want to take shortcuts. To get frustrated with the bumper to bumper traffic, the day to day "kids-are-screaming-who-wants-dinner-who-forgot-to-take-something-out-of-the-freezer-guess-we'll-have-to-drive-to-McDonalds" craziness. I get tired of waiting in lines, tired of waiting for my dreams to happen in God's timing, and I just want OUT, now. So I take some back road that looks like it will go where I want. Only it doesn't go there, and now I'm stuck in a bigger mess and it takes me twice as long to get back where I started.

When life gets hard, I'm going to try not to take a shortcut. I want to be in this place in my life until I've learned everything God has designed for me to learn...to drink deep the cup He has given me. Does this early morning rambling make any sense to you? If not, just know I'm going to be okay.

Happy Tuesday...

Time is....ticking away

2010-11-21T18:13:00.005-05:00

At church today, our pastor started a sermon series called "Rust." He took the title from Matthew 6, the passage that says "Don't store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven..." Not an exact quote but I'm too lazy to get my Bible out at the moment!

Pastor ___ (believe it or not I actually just forgot my pastor's name) was talking about (Oh yeah it's Tim! Sorry...), well he was talking about how awesome it is that God allows us to use physical/earthly things to build up that treasure in heaven. And not only that, but he commands us to build up treasure there. Kinda seems like the opposite of what we've always been taught, not to "hoard" and stuff...

He said we'll be talking about several ways to use earthly means to build up this heavenly treasure--this week we talked about: 1 guess...TIME. A little ironic that I just had this on my heart (yesterday's blog)? I think not! Proof positive that God speaks to you anywhere, anyway, anyhow. He CARES about you and me!!! It's so amazing.

The sermon pretty much cracked me up, because it was almost word for word what God had said to me last night during my whining. Pastor Tim talked about 3 misconceptions we have when it comes to TIME. I'd like to share them with you because I think they were awesome.

We don't have ENOUGH time. The truth is, we all get the same amount of time in our day. We might not have the same number of days in our lives, but we all get the same 24 hours...and we have enough time to do the things God has called us to do. It's a matter of us making those things a priority, and where I use my time shows the world what I really value to be important.
It's OUR time. The days and weeks we have do not belong to us. We were bought with a price (1 Cor 6:20). We were saved to live for Christ (2 Cor 5:14-15)...so the hours we use to fill our days should be used to honor God.
We'll have MORE time. It's an easy thing to forget that our lives are fleeting...everyone is appointed to die and no one knows when that time will be. We need to understand what the Lord's will is and then be under the influence of God's Spirit. (James 4:15, Eph 5:15-18)

Then he did this illustration (This is originally by Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and this video is of him, I believe) that proves that when you fill your day with the Big Rocks first (Big Rocks being The Important Things That Matter for Eternity)...you'll always have enough room for the little rocks (all the day to day things that absolutely must get done--eating, sleeping, cleaning, working, etc). I've seen the illustration more than once, but it always amazes me to see it again. Stephen Covey talks about other, more work-related stuff, but the same application can be used when thinking about eternal vs earthly stuff.

I've definitely been struggling with time management lately. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed, honestly, when I think about the demands on my time or my day. But I've started really asking God for help and I'm trying to fit the Big Rocks in first. Time with God, time with Marc, time with kids, work, rest. Everything else I'm just fitting into the holes left over. It's not perfect and I don't do it right every day...but what a difference already!

And for fun, I leave you with this video. Because I know all of you DC Talk fans immediately thought of it anyway when you read my blog title.

The first song is Walls, but skip to 2:25 to get that great song we all remember...

A normal day

2010-11-20T20:57:00.002-05:00

I love these quiet, "normal," Saturdays. Emily started the day off right by sleeping through the night, from 10:45 pm to 7:30 am. And then she ate & went right back to sleep at 8:30, didn't wake up til 11. Now that's the kind of napping I'm talking about! :)

I had a blissful morning with my 2 oldest children. We watched cartoons, ate cinnamon rolls, played games, read books. And then watched some more TV and snuggled on the couch. I love having "big people" conversations with my 5 year old--it's hilarious! Zach got me to watch "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" for the first time with him. Also hilarious! Just thinking about a spaghetti tornado makes me giggle a little bit.

I took my first step toward a skinnier me last night: I sat down on the couch and thought, "You know, all I'd have to do is get out the Shred DVD and put on my sneakers." And then I thought, "but then I'd be up all night because I'd be stimulated by the exercise." And then, "No, you wouldn't be awake, you'd be exhausted--remember the last "first time" with Jillian?" On the other hand, "yes, I do remember. I'll do it tomorrow." So...I still have yet to break out the Shred. One day soon. My pants are begging me...

Our TV is on the fritz. The volume keeps cutting out and you have to turn the TV off and then back on in order to get it to work. Sometimes once a minute. It's starting to get annoying to say the least. The frugal person deep inside tells me that if it dies, we can live without TV. And even though I absolutely know that is true, I'm not sure if it's fair to do to my children this winter. We'll see what happens!

If you find yourself in need of a jumpstart in life, here's some advice: Just do the next thing. I read this on a blog a few years ago and although it's succinct and rather unmotivating, it really works. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with all the tasks I have to do or the lack of sleep, I just do the next thing, whatever that is. Usually it's dishes. Sometimes it's making my bed. That one little thing prompts me to do everything else because it doesn't make sense to only make the bed...you've got to pick up the dirty clothes from the floor because then the bed looks stupid all made up in a dirty room. See what I mean?

My favorite things to do first thing in the morning (when I'm not working, so right now this is just for the weekends) are:

Get myself ready--wash, dress, etc. This also includes any quiet time I get to have, although my quiet time is mostly at night lately.
Make the bed.
Start a load of laundry.
Put away the dishes from the dishwasher and load it up with whatever's dirty.
Read a book with the kids.

Someday my everydays will look like this, but for now I'll take it on the weekends! You'd think I could accomplish this list rather quickly but having 3 kids makes it pretty challenging. There are all sorts of things you do that you don't even realize in between those bullet points!

Do you ever have a seriously long whiny session with yourself about "why" you don't have time to do all the things you want to do? I just did. I actually typed it all out here, ready to whine to the internet world about my life a little. And then I read back over it like I usually do to make sure there were no typos or weirdly placed words...and I realized: You could be doing something different right now if you chose. And you could have been doing something different 30 minutes ago when you wasted time watching that Seinfeld re-run you've seen a few times already.

It's a little sobering to realize that I probably do have more time than I think, but I waste a lot of it doing things that are "good" but not "best" for this stage in my life. I'm going to need to do some serious soul-searching soon... (this is completely off topic but I just love the alliteration of that phrase "some serious soul-searching soon"--I am so goofy!)

Now that I'm losing my audience, I think I'll sign off. It's Saturday night here, Sunday afternoon for my friends across the ocean. Everyone enjoy the rest of your weekend!!

30

2010-11-17T19:32:00.002-05:00

In honor of my 30th birthday today, you get 30 random thoughts from me. Lucky you!

The last time I blogged was 10/9 which is Marc's birthday. Tonight is my birthday. Didn't happen on purpose! And both days were pretty awful, actually. :) The kids are being extra "loving" to us lately and helping us learn how to be more patient and gracious. But I couldn't imagine life without them.
My newest daughter knows that I am home from work at night and will NOT let Marc do anything for her. She is a little mom-crazy. And Mom is a little Emily-crazy, too.
It's a good thing that I'm using the "numbered bullets" setting in Blogger, because I'm honestly not sure if I could even count to 30 coherently. Lack of sleep, anyone?
Hey, I didn't say that these would be "awesome" thoughts from me...just random. Your luck is growing by the minute!
I borrowed 5 books from the library on Monday. I still haven't finished reading the 1 book I started a month ago. Not like me at all. I miss reading and all those fun things I did before I had a baby.
I have the absolutely most wonderful husband on this planet. I am so proud he's mine...(we celebrated 11 years of marriage in between the last post & this one).
I'm suddenly getting worried that this is going to be really boring for you, the reader. I mean, I can come up with 30 things to say, but it's looking bad. Really bad.
I might start talking about work and how I'm finally feeling settled in my job.
Or about how I have no friends outside of work in this state. But I think that's a good thing because I don't really have time for friends right now. My poor children don't even get my "best." Someday, kids. I will sleep again, promise.
10 is twice the age of my son Z who turned 5 last Friday. He is 41 lbs and 46 inches tall. Thank God for His infinite wisdom in making babies SMALL. Can all moms around the world say, "yes and amen?"
Raise your hand if you immediately thought of a song by Hillsongs in the late 1990's.
Raise your hand again if you still sing that song in church.
Okay, put your hands down. It's starting to smell in here.
Hardy-har-har-har. I'm actually starting to crack myself up laughing. You know it's getting bad now...are you still with me? "You know you're my friends if..."
...you understand my true feelings for brownies and all things caramel. And add them together, well...you'll have to pardon this brief interruption for a moment while *insert quiet elevator music* ok I'm back. No, there's nothing on my face--chocolate, you say? Not me.
I don't know if I'm going to make it through this little exercise. Maybe I'll start thinking of things that happened during the age of the # I'm typing on. Does that make sense? No? Ok, well, when I was 16 I...moved to AL (halfway across the world it felt like), met a whole bunch of new, life-long friends, had my first and only car accident (in which I actually hit the car of the fire chief who showed up on the doorstep of my new house the following Monday because I told him I didn't know if we still had insurance because we were in the process of moving and my parents were in the middle of the USA driving the rest of my siblings & stuff down to AL from PA and the cop asked me where I lived & I said "see that Residence Inn behind you?" and then he said "who do you stay with" and I said "my brother" and he said "how old is he" and I said "15" and it just keeps getting better. So that's why the fire chief showed up at my house on Monday. And yes, it WAS really fun to create that superman, run-on sentence. Thanks for asking.
This is the year I fell in love with my husband. Only he didn't know it for a while. God told me I was going to marry him and I said, "Him? are you sure?" Not because he was awful but because he had chosen not to date any girls in order to focus on God his senior year. Talk about your Godly foundations. This is also the year that Marc *informed* me we were going to get married. I said "how about asking me?" and he said, "yeah, we'll get to that later." LOL And the ride never ends...
If you're counting, this is the year I got married. Although I was only 3 weeks from my 19th birthday so that makes it all better, right? I don't regret marrying young except that we were young and penniless. Not the best financial start but God knew what was what. And He still does. This was also the year Marc got me opal earrings and opal necklace for my 18th birthday. My favorite jewelry still.
I got my wisdom teeth removed at 19. Yeah, not as exciting as the rest of it. My Nana (great grandmother) passed away and went to be with Jesus this year. She was 102, I think? Or 103. I'm not sure, but she was old. And the sweetest thing you ever saw. Wish I had her prayer beads...now that I think about it.
This was the year of Y2K. Ha ha ha now THAT's funny to think about! Y2K...snort.
We moved to northern AL this year. I worked for an OB-GYN doctor in Huntsville. Huntsville Hospital has the best cafeteria I've ever seen. Marc & I still talk about it. That makes us weird, I know. But I don't care.
Rockford IL was the new homestead this year. We lived with the sweetest retired couple, Frank and Loretta. They opened their home to us and were so gracious to try to remember what it felt like to be our age. We tried to imagine what 70 and 84 felt like, but I'm sure they were better at it than we were. They lived in an older home with cobblestone streets. A factory nearby did some sort of metal stamping or something strange where this big machine hit the ground a hundred times a day and made the house shake. I would be lying in bed so still and the bed would move. A little freaky, yes.
Moved again but only across town this time. A sweet farmhouse that is now Wind Ridge Herb Farm. The picture under the "events" tab is where we had our first lawn swing. The wind blew over that swing about once a week and eventually the field creatures ate the swing cushions. But it was the best. The picture under the "gardens" tab was our front lawn, but it was just grass then. One of our favorite houses ever.
We lost our first little baby this year...definitely a hard year. But God was good, and He is gracious.
Wow, we're getting super close to 30. Finally! This year I got mad at God because of #24 and then 2 days later found out I was pregnant. With my favorite son Zachary. What a blessing he is...I also spent 7 weeks on bedrest and gained 61 pounds, which took me 2 full years to lose.
This year is very much a blur. I know we went to Las Vegas to visit Marc's sister and family for the summer. Never do that, ok? LV is not for summer touristing, I promise. 98 degrees at 7 am in July is not my idea of fun.
I hope we never have to relive this year ever again. 3 miscarriages, a move from hell (not an exaggeration and from which I think my father in law will never recover). And I think I may never look my age...while being a Rock Star!
A great year. I had my first daughter and saved lots of money on groceries by using coupons. Did a lot of traveling to see family this year.
Moved to West Virginia...started a new job...the rest is a blur.
Which brings us to now. I'm going to celebrate by watching a little TV, eating some fresh raspberries my wonderful husband bought me, and switching out my purse to the new one I just got for my birthday.

Thanks for indulging me...hope you enjoyed! Good thing I don't have a birthday for another year, right? :)

Sweet Emily

2010-10-09T21:20:00.004-04:00

You're three weeks old already...my last little newborn. So far, the easiest of all my babies. Your face is still new to me; as I nurse you, we stare at each other like newlyweds. Who are you? you seem to ask...and yet, we both know.

So fearfully and wonderfully made; His ways are perfect. I can see that in all its glory as you wiggle in protest when I change your diaper. Your personality starts to show itself in bits and pieces as we figure you out. This dance we do with you in the middle of the night--exhausting but I wouldn't have it any other way.

People tell me I will hold you in my arms longer because you're my last. I think they're right. Your hair sticks up in the middle as it starts to curl--will you have the curls your Dad hoped for when you were just a glimpse of the sweet one you have become? Your dark eyes--will they change as you grow? I can't wait to find out, yet still I say to the night "slow down; I'm not ready to begin another day, still soaking in the beauty of this one."

My belly ached just a month ago; now, my arms ache as you love to be held while you sleep. It's a new pain but filled with more pleasure than I dreamed possible.

Sweet girl, I am so blessed to be yours forever...

It's a non-exciting post. Don't get your hopes up.

2010-10-04T22:33:00.004-04:00

Little bit is chilling with her dad (he takes the 1st shift of the night), and I'm a little awake since I had 2 naps today. Don't be a hater, because I didn't get to fall asleep until 2 am and was awakened 3 times before 6:30 am. :)

I've had so much free space in my mind the last few weeks...I spend most of the day either feeding my newborn or feeding myself so I can feed my newborn! I love having more time to think and ponder things--more time for small prayers and meditating on a verse, and more time for pondering my life over the last year. This time last year, we had just moved in to our new apartment. It was a little crazy. I didn't blog much about it because I was trying to focus on the positive, but let's just say things were interesting. :)

I feel like there is so much the Lord has shown us over the past year, and yet SO much more I could have/should have learned. So much more to learn and I hope I never stop wanting to learn. It would have been so easy for us to just quit and move in with parents for awhile because of how much we struggled this first year in WV, but I'm glad we didn't. (I'm sure that our parents reading this are glad too!) We would have been happy to live with parents, don't get me wrong, but I don't think we would have learned everything we did by taking that road.

The biggest thing I learned is that the growing never ends. Either I'm growing in the right direction, or the wrong one, but always growing. Last year, I thought, "Oh, I've learned contentment now...the past 2 years have really taught me something! Let's move on to another topic now, Lord." Guess the joke's on me--we're still learning contentment, LOL. How does that Scripture go? "But godliness with contentment is great gain." For real.

I learned how to be married again...like that kind of married where you're both home at night at the same time and you sleep in the bed at the same time again (because he used to work nights so I slept alone...don't let your imagination run away with you, now). :) Let me tell you, it was weird at first. But now I can't imagine how we made it through those 2 long years of Marc working 2 jobs and crazy hours. It was all God, for sure.

I learned that the world doesn't end if you have to put your dreams on hold awhile. My kids survived me not being home, and they actually flourished more with Marc this last year than I think they would have with me. It has given Marc's body time to heal and rest, and he has really connected with the 2 oldest. I'm sure he's dreading me going back to work in November, but I think he'll do great with Emily. Hopefully she continues to be a sweet baby!

This isn't really an awesome post, but you'll have to grant me a few "non-exciting" posts for awhile until I get my blogging back. It's been so long since I've written anything besides a professional email for work...I almost forget how. Maybe I'll be able to re-cultivate my blogging abilities while I'm on leave. We'll see how little Emily does!

Ok, well, I'm off to bed now. Don't want to waste too much of this precious time that I could be spending in sleep!

What you've missed...

2010-10-01T13:45:00.002-04:00

I can't believe I skipped September...I miss blogging so much, but if I have to pick between sleep and family time vs. blogging, sleep/family will win every time. :)

This is the kids' "first day of school 2010" picture. One of the best pictures they have ever taken together. Zachary is in preschool again--he misses the Kindergarten cutoff by a few months due to his November birthday. He goes 3 days a week (half days) and just loves it. Kenna is in 2 yr old "preschool," which is really more like a "parents day out" program. She goes once a week, on Tuesdays. They go to the same preschool--we feel really blessed to have found this school and it's super close to our house, which is always a plus!

My last pregnancy picture, taken at 35 weeks. I always forget to take that "last picture" before delivery. Must be the contractions... :)

And...here she is! This was taken at 1 week old. It's a little blurry but oh-so-cute and I just had to post it. Emily Jayne...she was 7 lb 4 oz and 19 inches long. Born on Friday, Sept 17th (2 1/2 wks early).

I had another c-section (my 3rd and last) after going into labor all on our own at 37 weeks 4 days. Guess my babies just like to be early! It was quite the crazy day in the hospital--there was a massive thunderstorm the night before and the nurses said whenever the air pressure changes like that so drastically, they get a lot of women in labor all at once. They originally told me that morning that if I indeed continued to labor and deliver that day, I would end up recovering in the triage room because they did not have any available beds for me. Crazy!! This is not a small hospital, either...

I started having regular contractions about 5 pm on Thursday night which continued throughout the night, getting stronger when I moved around. I went to the hospital about 9:30 Friday morning and had more contractions :) until they decided to go ahead with my c-section about 4:30 pm. A few emergencies and 4 hours later, she was born. It was a long 4 hours, I'll tell you that!

I had the best hospital stay and the best recovery of all 3 surgeries--I feel really thankful and blessed. Just look at these cuties!

We went home 40 hours after surgery, and are having a great, sleepless few weeks together. :) In all seriousness, Emily is a pretty calm baby and sleeps as decently as you can expect a newborn to sleep. I am home from work on maternity leave until Nov 1st, and Marc is a stay at home dad, so we are all together as a new family of five. It's pretty great since we can take shifts with the kids, and my recovery is going SO well. I haven't had any pain meds at all (even advil) in several days and am finding the whole experience a little hard to believe compared to my other 2 c-sections. Nothing like the power of prayer--thanks to all who have prayed.

Emily had her 2 week checkup today and is doing great. She weighs 7 lb 7 oz today and her dr said she's gaining weight wonderfully. Zachary absolutely adores her; Kenna "mostly" does. :) The day we brought her home from the hospital she said loudly, "I don't like that...I don't want that!" No shyness there...but now she loves her "baby Emmy" as long as Mommy isn't nursing her. We're getting there!

Mostly we love having 3 kids--the transition has not been anywhere near what going from 1 to 2 kids was. We had Nana (Marc's mom) here for the first week to help us, and oh, what a help she was!! I don't think we could have done this well without her. We've had a few days this past week with some whiny older kids and fussy babies when we think, "where are the grandparents?" LOL But overall we're loving this new experience.

Maybe I'll be able to post more while I'm off work. I get pretty fast at typing with one hand while feeding Emily. :) Excited about this fall and all the great things ahead!

33 weeks

2010-08-16T20:55:00.002-04:00

Well, I promised some pictures--here they are!

These two have stolen my heart...I know I'll miraculously have room for another very soon, but it's hard to imagine! This was from one of our many "chocolate chip pancake Saturdays."

Kenna telling me "Mommy, I pretty!" She had found this dark green (thankfully washable) marker and done this all in the 3 minutes it took me to realize she was being very quiet. :) She keeps us busy, that's for sure!

Me and Emily, 33 weeks today. My staff and a few others at work surprised me with a baby shower today--I honestly had no clue. Not sure I deserved a baby shower for my third baby, but I feel super blessed and we got some really cute stuff for Emily, too!

I know it's hard to imagine the size of it, but trust me, that belly is not small. At least I'm mostly belly, right? :)

Last but not least, baby Emily! This was a 3D taken at 27 weeks, so about 6 weeks ago. But doesn't she have a sweet face? She has the same chin as my other 2 kids

Well, it's 9 pm. I should be balancing my checkbook right now, but after balancing other people's accounts all day, I just don't feel like it. I'll probably veg out to some Food Network or HGTV and then head to bed. It's a very exciting night here at the Stone house!

Summer

2010-08-07T19:37:00.002-04:00

Where did it go? Sadly this blog has been neglected. How depressing is it that I didn't even know my background wasn't showing up anymore? :)

I really miss the time I used to have to ponder life & archive my thoughts. Lately, I'm just thankful I get to eat 3 meals a day and fall into bed every night!

A few updates:

Pregnancy

I am 32 weeks pregnant now (well on Monday I will be--it just sounds better!). Baby Emily is moving like crazy. Although I vaguely remember this stage, it always seems like "my other babies never moved this much!" But then again, I do remember thinking that when I was pregnant with Kenna--so I'm pretty sure it's just my memory and that all babies move that much. Her full name is Emily Jayne. Marc picked it out & I love it too. I told him I was too busy to think about baby names, which I'm sure sounds ridiculous, but it's really true. After thinking all day at work, the last thing I wanted to do was come home and think hard about a possible baby name! Anyway..

I am scheduled for my c-section on Monday, 9/27, unless I go into labor earlier. It's hard to believe that I can actually say "next month I am having a baby." And yet, I am so grateful to know that there is an end in sight! No complications this time around, except a little hiccup--at 28 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. So far it's been mild, I can control it mostly with my diet, and other than the fact that I nightly mourn my ice cream, cookies, donuts, pizza.....I'm doing great. Hee hee At least I'm keeping my weight gain under control, right?

50 days and counting.

Family

Marc got a part time job, ironically for the same hospital I work for. It feels weird to work at the same place, but we're never there at the same time. He works weekend nights, every other weekend. It works out well because he loves the quiet at night and I'm home those weekends to watch the kids while he gets some sleep. All in all a good arrangement that is allowing us to pay off a little more of our debt....which is always a good thing!

Zachary's adjusted fairly well to being out of school--something I was definitely concerned about. It helps tremendously that we have a nice big pool in our apartment complex; Marc & kids visit a few times a week as the weather allows, & I've even managed to join them several times. He is "almost 5" as he likes to say and is counting down the days until school starts next month and he can celebrate his 5th birthday to "be as old as Grant" (his friend at school). He was a ring bearer in my sister's wedding a few months ago and LOVED his tuxedo. Seriously, he cried when we told him we had to give it back to the Bridal shop! It was a highlight for me, watching him enjoy something so much. He writes his name and can even sight read several words and sound a few words out. I'll bet he'll be reading by this time next year--he loves words. He is still the ultimate flip-flop lover, and cries when we make him wear sneakers if it's raining. He would wear them in the snow if we let him!

Kenna Boo has grown about 3 inches in the last 3 months. She's not my baby anymore, and definitely looks and acts like a 2 yr old (her birthday is 1 month away). She has beautiful hair and is finally enjoying me putting it in pigtails. Necklaces, bracelets, purses, shoes...she loves all the girly stuff and says "pretty, Daddy!"--but at the same time, won't hesitate to dig in the dirt & mud outside. She is desperately trying to be "like Bubba" in pretty much every way. Monkey see...Monkey do. Her vocabulary has really grown over the last few months, and we're enjoying hearing all her new words. "Nuggles" is one of her favorite words and she is not shy about requesting nuggles. She even knows how to use nuggles to her advantage and will pretend she wants nuggles just to sit in your lap to eat what you're eating or play at the computer. Reading is also a favorite activity and we're at the "read every book 600 times in a day" stage. Fun. :)

And me...well, I'm here. I was re-reading a few posts before starting this one, and I read the post about manna. What's interesting is that my Bible study today was about manna--basically how the Israelites were crying out to the Lord for answers and provision. He sent them manna and they said "what is it?" They wanted food but didn't expect that kind of food, you know? The study was challenging us to think about what ways we might be experiencing that in our own lives. I was thinking back to this time last year and how we were desperate for change (Marc's work, finances, etc). And yet we never thought He'd answer the way He did...and in lots of ways we're still figuring it out and saying "what is it?" I'm trying to focus more on thankfulness and God's provision. He knows and understands how each minute of each day fits into His master plan--I'm excited to think that one day I'll know how all this fits in!

I promise I'll post a few pictures soon. I've got some sweet ones of Emily (3D/4D) and a few others of the kids I need to put up. It's been too long since I did that. Hope this post finds you all well, and I also hope that I get to post again before my baby is born!

Peace.

Stirring

2010-06-11T20:29:00.002-04:00

It's this feeling I get inside sometimes. A swishing of the soul and a churning of the thoughts. I wonder more...ponder more...sigh more.

A restlessness in me. What is it, Lord?

"Be still, and know that I am God."

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength."

"The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made."

"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always."

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."

On the evening of the first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, 'Peace be with you!' After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. Again Jesus said, 'Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.' And with that he breathed on them and said, 'Receive the Holy Spirit.'

And so, I breathe. And I receive the Holy Spirit. My Comforter, my Counselor, my Teacher, my Guide.

My heart stirs and speaks the truth: "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever--do not abandon the works of your hands. O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discren my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord...Where can I go from your Spirit?...If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Sleep and Manna

2010-05-04T18:45:00.003-04:00

Somebody mark this post & link it back to me in about 5 months, ok? Because I'm tired of being tired all the time...by 5:30 or 6 every night I am either rubbing my eyes like a tired toddler, or already passed out on the couch. By the time I get done working all day & desperately trying to be patient with my kids (I mean, loving all the family time)...I just want to be able to relax and enjoy the quiet. It seems like I never get to the quiet before I fall asleep!

And yet, I know I will be CRAVING sleep in October. I wish I could store it up now and save it for later. Sleep for me is like manna was to the Israelites...God gives me enough for the day and I'm trying to be thankful for it, even when I don't want to sleep.

One thing I'm noticing as I read about the Israelites--they grumbled and complained a lot. I'm certainly guilty of this in my own life, but I'm asking the Holy Spirit to make me aware of it. I want to be thankful anyway...they ate manna for 40 years. Every day, for 40 years. For sure, that would make anyone have to be "thankful anyway."

Today, I am thankful...

for sweet, gracious husband who gently sends me to bed at 8:00 every night...and doesn't take no for an answer when he knows I really need to rest.
for a son who loves words.
that my daughter is persistent and keeps trying until she succeeds.
for a place to live, no matter how inconvenient...it's still home.
that I can pay my bills online (nice when this pregnant woman forgets)
for a full pantry despite the feeling of "there's nothing to eat in here." Chicken 3 nights in a row is not a hardship.
that although my family isn't close geographically, we're all healthy and safe.
that I get to see my family in a few weeks! Birthdays and weddings--so exciting!
for age 4 and age 1. So far my favorite ages.
for really funny Mother's Day cards (Mom I can't wait til you open yours!)
for the living and active Word of God. Even just the few paragraphs I read a minute ago have brought light to my eyes and hope to my soul.
I have a job that makes enough money so one of us can stay at home and raise our children the way we want them to be raised. Of course, I would love for that to be me staying at home, but I'm grateful Marc gets to have this time with the kids...it's priceless.
for giggles and strawberries and dispensing whipped cream right out of the can into our mouths. What joy that brings our children!
for new life in my womb. Baby Hmmm, who are you? What will you look like? Who will you be like? I can't wait to find out!
for Schwans ice cream. Favorite flavors, you ask? So glad you asked! Chocolate Malt Twist and Summers Dream (orange sherbet/vanilla ice cream). Yes, we buy them in the gallon sizes. No, you may not judge us.
for owls and bedtimes and Bible stories and snuggles "just for 5 minutes?"
for comfy sheets and remembering things at 4 am when I wake up to pee. At least I'm remembering them some time, right? Better than forgetting altogether.

What are you thankful for today?

Jujyfruits and life

2010-04-26T22:25:00.002-04:00

The van that drove me from the airport to my hotel yesterday morning, also conveniently passed by a semi with a huge Jujyfruits logo on it. I haven't been able to think of anything else since. A nice co-worker drove me to Target tonight so I could indulge my craving. I know it's not healthy, but sometimes you just have to indulge, right?

17 weeks today (dr changed my due date back to 10/4 last week). That's just crazy. At 17 weeks with Kenna was the day I found out she was a girl. I find myself wondering about the sex of this baby. As much of a surprise as it will be to me, I am amazed to think that at the moment of conception, God the Creator already knew whether my growing embryo was boy or girl. And as I think back on my other two children and how they were in the womb (and how that has translated as they grow), I wonder about this baby. Baby Hmmm is quiet and considerate. He/she doesn't keep me awake at night kicking like the other 2 did. I think that my placenta must be in the front this time around, because I literally only feel the baby kick me in the butt. It's definitely weird.

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. (I know, vague, right? Sorry...) I have some things brewing on the inside...things that other people have urged me I "should" do, that I never thought I should do. Now I'm thinking more...and praying more. We'll see. (How's that for clearing it up?) :)

Have a great night. Enjoy this weird post, while I enjoy some Jujyfruits. (anyone want the black ones?)

Hmmm....

2010-04-19T21:34:00.002-04:00

Baby Hmm, that is!

Meet Baby Hmm (pictures below). It has really taken me 4 weeks to scan these pictures. Poor kid...he/she probably won't have a baby book either (like Kenna)!

So...for all who are dying to know, or for those who aren't: Baby Hmm was a surprise to me and Marc. We know God wasn't surprised, and apparently Zachary wasn't either. About a week before I found out I was pregnant, Zachary said to me out of the blue: "Mom, when are we going to go back to the hospital to get my new baby brother?" Marc & I just looked at each other & laughed. It turns out he might be a little bit prophetic? We'll see when we find out whether boy or girl next month!

I am officially due October 6, but will have the baby by c-section on 9/29 if not earlier. With my blood clotting complications & having to be on blood thinners, it's important to make sure that I am off them for a certain length of time before having surgery. I'm not all "for" a scheduled delivery, but my babies tend to come when they want anyway, so we'll see. (Zach was born at 38 wks and Kenna at 37 wks.) My guess is that sometime in September this little one will make his/her appearance! And yes, a c-section is necessary at this point. I've already had 2 due to previous complications, and to ask for a VBAC at this point is like saying "I'd like to deliver without a doctor present," because no doctors in this country will accept the risk. Unfortunately.

It's completely true that all pregnancies are different. In my case, the nausea with this one was the worst out of any I've had thus far. I am eternally glad that I am past the 1st trimester, and I know my family is too! I had some complications around 7 weeks right after seeing the heartbeat for the first time which led me to believe I would lose this baby. I was devastated, yet at the same time, the few friends who I had shared my pregnancy with refused to believe that answer. I was out of town when this occurred and couldn't see my doctor until Monday. I was mostly terrified to hope anymore (after 5 previous losses), but my dear friends continued praying for me and believing for a miracle. God really taught me something through those long 4 days of waiting...and I decided that I WOULD pray for a miracle. Monday morning showed up, and so did that little heart, beating away! I know that all children are a miracle, but for me, my babies are Living Testimonies of God's grace.

So now I am 16 weeks along. It is strange at this point, because aside from a few flutters and some random baby movements, I almost forget I am pregnant. My job and my family keeps me so busy that I hardly have time to dwell on it. I come home each night & practically fall into bed--and the nights I don't, I end up falling asleep on the couch at 7 pm. :)

Zachary and Marc are both hoping for a boy (Zach wants a brother and Marc says "boys are just easier."). I have to gently remind Z that Baby Hmm could still be a girl, and then he says, "Yeah, Mom, but remember: Baby Hmm could still be a boy, too!" Oh, the logic of a 4 year old! I almost forgot--the name Baby Hmm was bequeathed by Zachary, too. Marc asked him (before we found out we were pregnant) what he would name his baby brother and he said, "Hmm...." Too funny! So this little one has been "baby Hmm" ever since!

Ok, well, now you know why I wasn't able to ride my favorite carnival ride last month, and you've bravely made it through my novel about the first 4 months of my pregnancy. It's a good thing I hardly have time to blog anymore, or you would be tired of reading about me! Please enjoy a few (4 weeks old) pictures of our newest:

Waving "hi" (this is the right hand/arm on its way up to the face, the head is hiding a little)

12 weeks 1 day Profile shot. This looks eerily similar to Kenna's profile picture from 11 weeks. Guess we'll see which kid this baby looks more like...

and apparently this little one likes to put its hand to its mouth already (again, just like Kenna)! You can also see the little knees/legs/toes there to the right.

My life

2010-04-19T21:06:00.005-04:00

Some pictures from the last month:

I had a business trip in Birmingham, and we had to return a borrowed car back to my in-laws who live very close by. Across the street, we found the cutest little carnival happening. It was Zachary and Kenna's first real amusement park experience, and I think these pictures capture their joy!

This was a lot higher than it looks.

But he didn't care!

One of my favorite rides...I was sad not to be on it! Zach loved it, though...it was truly the longest ride of the night. It seemed to last forever!

Kenna went on the same ride with Nana, but she did NOT like it. :) I think it was a little too close to bedtime for her!

I got to take him to his first rollercoaster while Marc rode some crazy spinning ride. Here he is, cheesing it before the ride started...

...and I'm pretty sure this is one of my most favorite pictures ever of him. He rode this about 5 times.

When we got home, the kids were a little sad to be so far away from Papa and Nana & all the fun adventures. Marc created his own adventure for them...flipping the very deflated, twice-patched, almost-ready-to-die bounce house upside down!

The kids had their very own playhouse. I think Kenna's hair is hilarious in this one!

Let's see...also in the last 6 weeks, we have sweated blood and tears to get our car fixed and returned to us. After 8 weeks of being gone (and a lot of unhappy phone "discussions" with the insurance agent and the repair place) :), we now have our "new" car back. We are so thankful for the time that Marc's parents let us borrow their extra car, but it's wonderful to have our own car home again. We hope it will stay nice and happy here for a long time...with no repairs!

I have been traveling a LOT for work in the last month. It's starting to wear on me a bit, and it's so hard being away from the kids so long. Marc jokingly told me he needs a pay raise--and he's right! I have one more trip planned next week and then that's it for at least a month. I think. :)

Hmm...what else has been going on? Oh yes! I realized I haven't officially announced this on my blog yet, but.... (to be continued)

Ice cream and Kroger

2010-03-01T20:55:00.004-05:00

The last pictures I took were almost 2 months ago. Shame on me! Here are a few favorites from January.

Zachary was so proud of his homemade "lava lamps." My sweet, sweet boy.

And this was the best family picture on New Year's Eve. We have an annual tradition of appetizers and watching a family video, and then we have a "Happy New Year" cake. Both the kids were trying to touch the fire here...

I think that some day my life will return to normal. And then I wonder if I keep waiting for "normal," how much am I missing out on? Got to embrace every second of the day I have.

Today was a good day. Accomplished a lot at work, my kids picked me up, took them for ice cream at McDonald's. Kenna had her first ice cream cone (the really small baby one) and demolished it. She's very much in the "I-do-it-myself-or-I-scream" phase. It's super fun. :) Despite her determination and strong will, she is such a BUNDLE of JOY. She has never met a stranger, waves at everyone, and had every resident of Marc's grandmother's nursing home charmed last week. She has finally started saying real words as opposed to baby babble. Her new favorites are "cheese" (which she says whenever she sees a phone or a camera), "backery" for Zachary, "ma-ma" (mom or dad, whoever is closest), please, "welcome" (for you're welcome and thank you), and "owl" (her lovie/blanket). She just melts my heart about every 5 minutes. I feel bad for all of you who don't get to spend time with her....that's how cute she is.

Zachary got to go to school today for the first time in about a month. We had horrible snow storms in Feb, then the last week/half he spent traveling to AL to see Marc's family and to pick up a replacement car (thank you, in-laws!) for the one that is almost-but-not-quite-totaled from yet another snowstorm several weeks ago. Thank you, Lord, for guardian angels, protection, good insurance, and income tax refunds that pay for premium deductibles. Hard to complain about what we were "going" to use that money for, when I'm just thankful that we had it to begin with. :)

Anyway, back to Zachary. He is 4 going on 14. Talks incessantly, as those of you who know him can vouch for. He is a lover of words and recent lover of the Disney channel. He is in that phase of "if-I-can't-watch-TV-then-I-should-be-able-to-play-a-game-on-the-computer-because-it's-not-the-same-thing." It's heartbreaking when he doesn't get his way. Do you hear my sarcasm? :) He also loves to read, practice his letters, and play with his Hot Wheels cars. His favorite color is light green and his favorite fruit is watermelon. Even in the winter, he wants me to pay $7 for that nasty out of season watermelon. He has gotten very logical, too. Today he said, "I think we're out of something." When I asked him to explain, he said, "we need to go to Kroger. Dad said we're out of something & we need to go there." (totally made up, but funny & logical nonetheless!) We recently had some family pictures done. He was so shy & nervous, told us he wasn't "going to do THAT." Gets up there, and starts giving us these poses like he was born to be a model. Hi-larious!

Marc & I....well, we're surviving. This new life is strange, but it's not altogether bad. Just very, very different! I don't think it will last forever, but we're trying to make the best of it. The most awesome part is the amount of time we've had to reconnect & spend together. Sometimes too much time, considering how we hardly saw each other for 2 years while he worked 2 jobs, but mostly we are really enjoying it. I think this experience, if nothing else, has given us both a WHOLE new appreciation for the jobs the other has been doing. I do love my job, so that is a magnificent plus. If I hated it, I would just be absolutely miserable without my kids all day. I love knowing that they are home with their Dad and not stuck at a daycare or another mother's house. I'm so thankful that at least we're able to have this arrangement and I know that others aren't as fortunate.

If I were a drinking woman, I'd go get a glass of wine, raise it, and toast to "no more snow!" and an early spring. We're tired of the snow around here and ready to play outside! Hope this finds all our friends and family doing well and serving our Lord. Love you!

Musings on the Olympics

2010-02-15T19:56:00.003-05:00

I tried so hard to watch the opening ceremonies to the Olympics on Friday night. I got about halfway through & just got too tired & went to bed. But the parts at the beginning I did see left me so touched...all the spectators were cheering for the athletes coming into the stadium. People on their feet, clapping, cheering, smiling, taking pictures. You could feel the atmosphere even through the television.

I got a little teary, and then I started thinking...this is the closest thing I have ever experienced that could even prepare me for what Heaven will be like. "After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people, and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: 'Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.' " Revelation 7:9-10

I can only begin to imagine what it was like to be part of the crowd at the Olympic Stadium on Friday night...how loud it was, how much unity there was in the building. What an amazing feeling that will be once we get to heaven--to be part of a multitude that "no one could count." Wearing our "racing uniforms" and waving our "flags," giving praise to the Only One Who Deserves Praise.

And then I thought about that other passage in Hebrews 12:1...in chapter 11, the author talks about all those great men and women of faith. Those who have gone before us, paving the way. And then the author of Hebrews says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (12:1-3)

So I picture myself now, not as part of the Olympic crowd, but as one of the athletes. I rush in to the stadium, dressed to compete, waving my team's flag..nervous, but excited about the opportunities ahead. As I get to the front of the line where the cameras are, it hits me that everyone in the world is watching this moment. I panic a little, and then I realize, "these people are cheering for ME." I remember that I've trained hard for this. I know what to do and Whose I am. I throw off every weight, every worry, every bit of nervousness about the race ahead. I know I'm prepared. I fix my eyes on the prize...

I happen to believe very literally in the Bible. I take every word as God inspired, yet sometimes I forget that it really means what it really says. When I think about that passage in Hebrews, I realize....all those famous people of faith--Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses--those people I look up to in the Bible & think I could never have as much faith as they do....those people are cheering for ME.

I have the courage and the confidence now to throw it all off...all my losses, all my failures prior to this day no longer matter. It's about here, and now. And about The One I am following.

Beauty for ashes

2010-01-11T23:15:00.002-05:00

It's late, but it's quiet. I'm learning to take my new life day by day. I struggle with this new role God has placed me in...not because I don't think I can handle it with His grace, but because it's not one I chose. It doesn't seem to fit (yet). I ache to be home with my kids--playing, changing diapers, cleaning up the milk that spilled again. To be scrubbing who knows what off the kitchen table...would make me happier than any woman in the world.

But (apparently) that's not what God wants for me right now. And I'm learning to give up some of my "what ifs" and to embrace "what is" so that I can be the best Me there ever was. I had a really rough Christmas. I struggled with being very sick, working full time, preparing for Christmas. The "perfect gift" we bought for the kids was damaged when we went to set it up on Christmas Eve....so disappointing. I was so sick that I had to ask my mother-in-law to cook my own Christmas dinner while I sat on the couch. (Thanks, Mama S!) I was very emotional, and all over just down in the dumps. (when I get this way, Marc calls it my being "in the depths of despair." Reminds me a bit of The Princess Bride..."the pit of despair. Don't even try to escape..." ha ha)

Anyway, over the past few weeks, I'm on the mend, the damaged gift is being sent back for a replacement, and my hormones have settled. I'm left with this sense of disappointment, and I've been thinking about it a lot. I mean, really, I have so much to be thankful for. In the scheme of things, compared to 95% of the world, I have no reason to complain. And yet, I have been complaining. I've been discontent...I've been mad.

What is disappointment, really, but just something short of your expectations? That made me think about my expectations--do I have them set unreasonably high? What makes me think that I deserve anything, anyway?

I don't know that any of my ramblings will even help anyone, other than help me get it all out there. Even if no one reads this thing but me. :) I guess I just needed to say it out loud. It's hard right now...ALL my friends and family are long-distance. That stinks when you work full-time and all your friends are stay at home mommys. Not only do I no longer feel connected to that life, but by the time I think about calling, it's 10 pm. I email all day long now at work...to email my friends just feels cold and impersonable. Facebook is an old friend I like to visit for 10 minutes a day. If I don't comment on your page, nothing personal, there's just no time.

Marc & I joked that on Sunday, we'll put an announcement in the church bulletin: "Nice, normal couple in the 3rd row needs friends. Meet us at the coffee cart after service." I know, I know--"you have to be friendly to make friends." Yes, true. But friendly is hard. Sometimes you just want someone to notice you are new and make an effort. And I move so much...honestly, I'm tired of always being the one to make the first effort in friendship.

Not being whiny, just expressing myself. I finally feel at liberty to express myself without cussing anyone out...so you should feel lucky! Ha ha.

I know that all the things my sweet mommy tells me are true, like "this will pass." And, "you've just been through a lot of big changes...don't be so hard on yourself." And believe me, I KNOW I've been negative--especially with my family. But honestly, isn't anyone allowed to really STRUGGLE anymore? To wrestle with their thoughts and feelings without being judged? I guess not...even my friends on facebook are always posting things in their statuses & then posting things to "take it back" because people get mad. Thanks for letting me do that here.

I guess everything I'm trying to say can be summed up by Solomon:

There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do--busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time--but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it--eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.

I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God's done it and that's it. That's so we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.

Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That's how it always is with God.

--Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

The more I read this passage, the more I take it to be positive and not negative. Yeah, sure, the author was probably depressed. I mean, most of the book of Ecclesiastes is pretty moody. But....I love to serve a God who doesn't show all His cards. Sometimes it's tough figuring out which "right time" it is. Through it all, I remember that I need to "quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear." Whether I agree with His decision or not, it Is. He alone can give me the grace to see beauty where I think there are ashes. He is to be praised!

Nice

2010-01-02T22:50:00.004-05:00

You know how your mother always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?"

(crickets chirping)

Be back soon, when I have an attitude adjustment.

A day in the life...Version "That" woman

2009-12-06T21:04:00.003-05:00

As you can tell on my blog, I've been pretty introspective lately. I've had something like 5 or 6 major life changes within the past 3 months--you know, those that qualify for big stressful "points" or whatever. It's definitely been a place of transition for me. Some days I'm patient with myself, and other days I wish I could run to the opposite end of the world from myself. :) If only that were possible...

On my rough days, I'm usually frustrated with "why" can't I do it all? The world seems to think that it can be done. That a woman can be Career Woman--climbing the corporate ladder. And Wife/Mother--being that perfect housewife and doting mother who always has time to do the baking and scrubbing the baseboards. And Super Christian Woman--making sure she is helping to feed the hungry, spend an hour in prayer/Bible study every day, and encourage others in their walk with the Lord.

I ponder these things. I realize that I "could" do them all--but probably not well, and most likely my health would suffer. I come to a place of acceptance that it must not be God's will for me to do everything perfectly and then I try to focus on one thing at a time. But still I'm frustrated. I feel like there is something missing and that I constantly don't measure up.

Last year, I spent some time in a Bible study about marriage where we looked at the example of "That" woman in Proverbs 31. I would look at this woman and think, "Who IS this woman? And where does she live? What does she have that I don't, and how on earth is she doing all of this, doing it well, AND the people in her city praise her? What gives?"

One night, the Holy Spirit gave me this revelation about the Proverbs 31 woman. He said, "You're looking at her life and thinking she is this perfect woman and does all these perfect wonderful things every day. But my intention was to show you her LIFE. Not a "day in the life," but her WHOLE life."

You see, it's a picture of seasons. In one season of her life, she selects wool and flax, working with eager hands. In another season, she considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. In still another season, she makes coverings for her bed and is clothed in fine linen and purple. Later on, she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. As she gets on in years, her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

Of course, this is just my interpretation and how I feel God explaining the passage to me. But it is SO encouraging. I don't have to be under this pressure to be a perfect employee, perfect boss, perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect housekeeper, perfect Christian--all day, every day. Instead, the Lord showed me He is looking at the book of my life to find the value. Not at each individual chapter (though He sees them all). It's the process--the journey.

Every day I remind myself that without Him, I am nothing anyway. I am never great at asking for help--but I'm trying to remember how much I need Him. Am I going to fail, and have bad days and bad "chapters?" You bet. But then I think those situations might lead to something that would help me to "speak with wisdom" and give me "faithful instruction" for someone else going through that season of life.

I'm learning to like "That" woman--I hope you will, too.

A day in the life...Version "Me"

2009-12-06T20:46:00.003-05:00

Some sweet pictures and later, some thoughts.

First, Kenna practicing her girliness. She loves necklaces, scarfs, purses, shoes. Combinations are especially important.

Her new thing when she watches "Praise Baby" DVDs. I love the crossed legs and arm holding up her chin. Nightgown and slippers complete the ensemble... She is already way more girly than I will ever be!

Me and my sweeties, in Washington, D.C. We took a crazy, spur-of-the-moment trip there yesterday (only 3 1/2 hrs away), and got back tonight. None of us had ever been, and we braved the snowy roads on the way there. We were rewarded with beautiful, clear blue skies and plenty of amazing monuments and buildings. The architecture and history behind all the sights is just overwhelming. Marc & I fell in the love with the city--we hope to go back & visit again when we can spend more time. The beauty of it is that almost everything is free. My kind of city!

Kenna Boo at the mall this weekend. New play areas always fascinate the kids. This one was not enclosed--to our displeasure and Kenna's joy. :) She spent most of her time here testing us on "staying on the carpet," and would walk right to the edge of the carpet, look at us, put her foot in the air, smile, and then turn back around to run to the other side and do it all over again.

Zach and the "important man." (his words after I explained who Lincoln was!) Both my kids captivated the tourists. People kept coming up to us & asking to take pictures of the kids. Kenna especially seems to have this magnetism with strangers--we'll have to watch her closely! Marc says he thinks that with her strong will and this magnetism "we've got a leader on our hands." A bit scary that it's our job to raise her....we have to remember to be intentional about looking at this in a positive light. She's not "strong willed" but "determined."

Zach really loved the Lincoln Memorial and asked to go back up a second time. He's definitely a "Stone" though--the 2nd time he went up, Marc said on the way out Z managed to bang the large metal sign which proceeded to echo throughout the whole memorial. The sign reads, "Quiet please, let's be respectful!" Ha ha. The Stone family has a reputation for being clumsy; I think he'll fit right in.

A list for my friends

2009-11-19T20:12:00.003-05:00

Things I like:

Popcorn made the old fashioned way, on the stove. Topped with parmesan cheese and salt.
My new reading corner where kids flock to me
Pajama pants and comfy socks
Booking plane tickets to go somewhere fun
Other people booking plane tickets to come see me.
SweetTarts: only yellow, purple, and orange. I throw away the green and blue. Sometimes I eat the pink, but not often. Mostly those get thrown away too.
Dad's homemade spaghetti sauce
My laptop
Quiet moments with my daughter
Looking at the lake from my living room window
My job
God's Word
The number 7 and the letter M
Watching penguins at the zoo. Just pull up a chair, I'm entertained for hours.

Things I'm planning:

To drink more water tomorrow
Buy a car this weekend--Z says it should be white. We'll see.
Get family pictures taken soon...now that the stitches are out.
Have a cup of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows
Read my Bible more this week
Eating SweetTarts. Yellow and purple only.
Pay the bills, so they don't kick me out of my house.
Go back to college.
Love more. Laugh more. Sleep more.

Things you do:

Make me laugh
Keep me going
Put up with my crap
Inspire me to be more
Inspire me to do less
Challenge me
Help me finish off that last bit of ice cream. Because someone has to.....
Laugh at my stupid jokes
Laugh at my funny jokes
Love me

Thank you....you are faithful friends.

You can't have it all. But you can have some of it, all the way.

2009-11-09T21:27:00.003-05:00

In my 14 free minutes every day, I've been doing some thinking. And I just want to get it all out on "paper." One of the things I love to do is to make lists--not only does it give me a concrete way to accomplish things, but it gets all the "stuff" that's swimming around in my head a place to land. And frees up my mind for other more important things....like thinking about what I'm going to eat next.

Anyway, I'm remembering what my life as a "working a full time job" mom used to be like when Zachary was little and I had a stressful job. Trying to be the best employee I can be, giving my job my all while I'm there, while still being the best Christian, the best wife, the best mom, the best homemaker, the best friend I can be. All at the same time. I remember I was always successful in certain areas at a time--never all at once. I used to feel really upset that I couldn't be "the perfect woman" who can juggle a 50-hr-a-wk job with all the demands of a family and home. Now I'm just sad that I can't, but I'm trying to give my all in whatever role is mine for the hour.

I really love my job, which makes the 7:30-5:30 hours of my day go by very quickly and enjoyably--for the most part. We all have our days. But in the past 2 years I've spent being "only" a wife, mother, homemaker, friend, I've forgotten what it was like when you had no free time. When you have to take personal or vacation time just to go to the chiropractor. Or figure out how you're going to get your hair cut without losing any work time. When your spare minutes at home are spent wishing your kids would give you 5 minutes of alone time....and then missing them intently after they've been in bed for 30 minutes.

I don't think that I can ever be that "balanced" woman that everyone talks about. Who is the perfect everything? I'm not even convinced that being balanced means you can do it all well like the world seems to believe. Maybe it means that you have to let some things go for the sake of other things. Tip the scales in favor of something important for things that are less so.

So my free 14 minutes a day this week are being spent pondering the things that are going to remain on my scales. Not everything's going to make the cut, that's for sure. Probably not everyone, either. I hate that with everything in me....I am a perfectionist. I want to do it well, I want to do it excellently, and I want to be the best. But I'm realizing that I need to "choose this day Whom I will serve," and that I, and only I, am responsible to make those choices. Others may not like it, but I don't answer to them.

Some things that are definitely staying (or being added because they are being forgotten!):

Sleep
Rest & down time....
Bible reading & prayer times
Family time with no tv
Work, done well
Cuddling with my kids
Checking the mail. By myself.

Things you might not find me doing as often:

Facebook
Phone calls
Cleaning (that's what my "house husband" is for now)
Cooking, except on the weekend
Cutting coupons and seeking "deals." A regular sale price without a coupon is still a deal if I get to save time.
Blogging, though I love it
Blog-reading, except for my friends

I would ask all my friends and family to be patient with me, but I think I'm past that point right now. I'm to the point that it just doesn't matter to me what other people think because all that matters is what He thinks. God's given me this job to do (literally and figuratively), and I plan to do it and do it well.

If I could learn to be content with hardly seeing my husband, dealing with a fussy newborn daughter and a rambunctious 2 yr old son, on a tight budget, in a 2 bedroom house....then I can learn to be content with a demanding job, a new lifestyle, and remembering what it's like to be married again. Is it the life I would have hand-picked for myself? Maybe not. But is it good?

Absolutely.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." - Psalm 34:8-10

A moment

2009-10-27T22:19:00.002-04:00

If you'll allow me a personal moment...

I'm hurting today. Should have been 25 weeks pregnant, should already have known whether it was a "he" or a "she" kicking the crap out of me. Should be enjoying the belly rubs and back aches.

It's a hard thing when it feels like everyone around you is pregnant.

Sometimes I'm still asking why. It just doesn't make sense. 5 babies I won't know til heaven.

p.s. no stupid comments please. i don't want to deal with any single men who don't have a clue what i'm dealing with and always have something smart to say. it's my blog & i'll cry if i want to. if you don't like it, there's a red "x" at the top of your page. click it.

Thankyouverymuch.

The new

2009-10-21T19:12:00.002-04:00

"He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." Psalm 40:3

"You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow." Isaiah 62:2

"His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you a heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

"A new command I give you: Love one another." John 13:34

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

"You were taught...to put off your old self...to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24

"But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness." 2 Peter 3:13

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Change is hard. And yet, without change, life would be boring. Without change, we'd still be cooking over an open fire and living in the woods somewhere....instead of this nice house I have with an electric stove I can turn on and off at will. Or mailing letters to each other instead of emailing and facebooking.

Even when we are the ones who desire change (and not someone else imposing change on us), the transition can be hard. Frustration with the old way helps pave the path for the new way, but the new way is still bumpy.

I brought myself back to God's Word tonight because it renews my mind. It penetrates to my very soul, looking past the crazy hormones, past the way-too-tired brain, past my lack, past my failures. It looks at the "me" that God sees, and reminds me of His truth. I need His truth.

Even though this new path is exciting, and blessed...still I struggle. I miss my kids. I miss being the homemaker. I miss the more relaxed way of life and training my kids' character, even on the hard days. I miss cooking. :) I don't know this new role....it's not somewhere I've been before. I don't know how to be "the husband" and yet not be The Husband. It feels weird to leave my clothes on the floor for someone else to pick up because I'm too tired, and strange to not be the one doing endless dishes and laundry.

So even after a really good day at work, I came home a bit frustrated and sad. I don't want all my kids to see of me to be "the tired mommy who works all day." Not sure how to fix that yet.

And then my husband, a man of few words, sticks his face in mine as I'm contemplating all these things and starting to whine a little on the inside. He says, "Thanks for working. I just wanted you to know."

So maybe I'll embrace the new. Not just stick my toe in the water, but jump in and get soaking wet. Sometimes it's more fun when the wave just knocks you over and you come up laughing because you didn't expect it. He knows the way, and I can trust fully in Him.

So.

2009-09-29T23:04:00.002-04:00

So. Now that I've got everyone all hyped up... :) Most of you know the big news anyway, and I don't know that this post is going to be anything special because I'm tired. But I have a few minutes while I wait for my clothes to dry here in the hotel laundry room, so I thought I'd try to put my thoughts down on paper. Or computer. Or whatever.

The deal is, we have been praying for a long time about our lives. The last two years have been hard...don't get me wrong, they've been good. But hard. Marc's worked two jobs for two years in which 5 nights a week he doesn't get a full night's sleep. I was pregnant, nursing, and/or taking care of a fussy fussy crankypants baby for two years. We lived paycheck to paycheck for two years. We always had enough to eat, but usually not any extra. We lived in a two bedroom house with all the above conditions for two years. It was hard, but through it all we felt God speaking to us about His providence and about learning contentment.

Contentment. Now that's a word you don't hear every day. Seems like we all want what we want, when we want it. And usually, we want it NOW. But God was asking us to wait. I wish I could say we waited patiently. Or pleasantly. So many lessons to learn! The biggest lesson I learned was that in everything there is a lesson to be learned. Ponder that one for awhile...

We had gotten to a place in our lives where we KNEW that we were following the right paths but still feeling frustrated. It's hard to continue hoping for change, putting your hope in God and Him alone, when you're not seeing any results. One day I was really struggling, and the Lord spoke to me through an old prayer notebook from 10 years ago. I saw a quote from a Sunday night church service that said, "Anything you can do on your own is not faith." Now I know that in many contexts, this quote is not entirely accurate. But for me, for that day, it was exactly what I needed to remember. That this battle wasn't mine, but God's. That He still had our best in mind. That He was the only one who could deliver. And that He would, in His timing.

God brought me to a place where I had no one else to hope in but Him. And what I learned, once my answer came, was that this was the answer. To have no other hope. The answer wasn't "give me whatever I think I need." It was learning, no matter what my situation, "to be content."

There are so many details that lead to where we are now, but I think the details mar the overall awesomeness of what happened. And what happened was....Marc lost his full-time job. Yeah, I know. Not the answer we were hoping for, exactly. But in all of it, I was able to pursue an opportunity to work for my former company in a new location, doing a job I have dreamed of doing. We prayed: "God, open the right doors wide. And slam shut the wrong doors. We only want Your will." All the doors have been opened as wide as can be, and here I am.

"Here" is Morgantown, WV. I get to work for a company I loved working for, for my old boss (in a new location), and doing what I really love. Oh, and I get to make money, too. Isn't that cool? So Marc & I are switching for awhile. He'll be the stay at home parent, able to renew his relationship with the kids, get some much-needed and much-deserved rest, and remember what it's like to feel normal again. I will get to help provide for my family in a new way. Both of us will probably go back to school (not at the same time). I'm loving my job so far, and God has blessed me in every way. I am remembering things from 2 years ago I should have forgotten, and I just feel overwhelmed and humbled at how much He loves.

We'll be moving our family here this weekend, and I get to see my kids in two days. I love the new city, and while it's not Knoxville, I know it's where we're supposed to be, so don't hate me if I have a love for it. :) It's beautiful here, and Zach is excited he gets to see snow.

So, in all this, I'm hoping that what shines through is what He has done. He hears, He answers, He loves. Hope in Him. You won't be disappointed.

He answers.

2009-09-23T21:49:00.002-04:00

I want to take some time to share what God is doing for our family and in our lives, but I really want to do this post justice, and I'm not sure I have the necessary time at the moment. My brain is spinning (in a good way), and I am trying to process all the amazing ways that God has answered our prayers.

For those who have been (and are still) praying for God's deliverance and blessing: Don't stop praying. Don't stop hoping. He listens. He waits for the perfect time. He changes you through the process. He answers.

But be careful, because His answer may not be what you expected.

It may be better.

Much love from our family, and more details to come!

Pierogies

2009-09-15T23:04:00.002-04:00

This is my family's homemade pierogie recipe--I am half Ukrainian and half French, and this recipe comes from the Ukrainian side. It takes a lot of work, but is well worth the effort. Because it's so labor intensive, when I make it, I typically make a large batch--about 11 dozen pierogies. If you want to pare the recipe down, you'll have to attempt it yourself. :)

Now, there are lots of different types of pierogie recipes out there--potato, meat, or cabbage/sauerkraut. This one is your traditional one, filled with potato, cheese, and onions. It also happens to be my favorite. The techniques that follow were developed by my loving mother, who made and sold about 300 dozen pierogies one year to make money so we could have an awesome Christmas (I think I was 11 or 12?). She's the master!

Here are the ingredients. Detailed instructions follow.

Filling (makes 11 dozen pierogies)

5 pounds russet potatoes
1/2 pound (8 oz) grated cheese, typically Farmers Cheese
salt and pepper to taste
2 pounds medium yellow onions, finely diced
1 stick butter

Dough (you'll need to make 5-6 batches worth of dough to equal 11 dozen pierogies)

2 cups all purpose flour
1 egg
1/2 cup lukewarm water
1 tsp salt
1 Tbsp melted butter

The first thing I would recommend is to prepare the onions. You'll need about 2 lbs yellow onions and 1 stick of butter for this part. If you have a food processor, the easiest thing to do is to peel your onions, slice into quarters, and pulse them a few times in the processor. This saves your eyes...you can definitely do it the old fashioned way with a knife; it will just take you a bit longer. Once you get all the onions diced pretty finely, add them to a large saute or frying pan along with the butter. Cook over medium heat, until the onions caramelize or turn brown. Watch them carefully so they don't burn. I usually add up to 1/2 cup water to help keep them from burning. Depending on how many onions are in your pan, this could take 20-30 minutes.

Once you get the onions cooking, peel and quarter your potatoes. You'll need 5 pounds of russet potatoes. Don't use any other kind of potato (red, large baking, etc). Russet only. Just trust me. Place the potatoes in a large stockpot along with a bunch of water. Boil the potatoes until tender and drain. Add a couple Tbsp butter, mash them well with a potato masher, or use a potato ricer if you have one of those (I don't, but it's on my wish list!). You don't want lumpy pierogies. Whatever you do though, don't use an electric mixer--this makes the potatoes too fluffy.

Add about 2/3 of your onions to the mashed potatoes. (Save the remaining 1/3 onions to use for topping the pierogies.) Make sure to salt and pepper your potato mixture to taste...these need lots of salt. Grate 1/2 pound (8 oz) cheese and add to slightly cooled potato-onion mixture. (If it's too hot, the cheese will start to melt and get stringy. Not a pretty sight.) Traditionally, the cheese used in this pierogie recipe is farmers cheese, a soft, mild cheese similar in texture to mozzarella. Cheddar cheese also works well, but I'm picky. If I go to the trouble to make these things, I want them to be GOOD. So I use farmers cheese. You can usually find it in the specialty cheese section at your local grocery store. (TN residents--I find this fairly easily at Kroger.)

Because this is such a large recipe, I typically make the onions & potatoes a day ahead of time, then refrigerate for use the next day, when I make the dough, fill the pierogies, and cook them. It breaks it up, especially if no one else is helping you prepare them.

When you're ready to start assembling the pierogies, make a doubled dough recipe (4 cups flour, 2 eggs, etc). Do not try to use an electric mixer to make the dough. It's fragile and just take it from someone who's experienced. Use a regular old bowl and wooden spoon. Mix all dough ingredients until well blended but try not to overmix. Let the dough stand for 30 minutes, covered with a damp dishtowel. Then take about 1/3 of the dough, roll out onto a lightly floured surface until you get a thickness of about 1/4-1/8 inch. Not too thick, not too thin. Don't be afraid of the dough...it doesn't hurt. Take a round biscuit cutter or the rim of a glass, lightly floured, and cut out dough circles. Take up the pieces of the dough left, re-roll and cut out more circles. When you sense the bits and pieces of dough getting tough, discard it & start again with the remaining dough in your bowl. Always keep dough you're not working with covered with a damp towel to keep it fresh.

Next, you'll want to fill these dough circles with the potato/onion/cheese mixture. In our house, we take it a step further and roll the potato mixture into small/medium balls with our hands. This makes it a bit easier to work with and works well when you're cooking "assembly line style." Put the potato ball or small spoon of mixture in the center of the dough circle and bring the round edges of the dough together, pinching as you go along to form a seal, keeping all the potatoes inside. You can use a commercial "pierogie maker" or ravioli maker if you want to, but we find that wastes a lot of dough.

Bring a large stockpot full of water to a boil; place filled pierogies into water and boil for about 2-3 minutes until the pierogies float to the top. You can cook up to 10 pierogies at once this way. Remove with a slotted spoon and place on a cookie sheet with edges (to catch any drips of water).

Now your pierogies are cooked and ready to eat. They're yummy this way, but not super attractive. A great finishing touch is to fry your pierogies in a bit of butter until golden brown on both sides, about 3-5 minutes per side. Serve with remaining caramelized onions and sour cream.

**You can freeze pierogies after they are boiled. Simply allow them to cool, then place in freezer bags. They'll last several months this way and taste just as fresh when they defrost and you fry them up. You can also freeze any remaining onions for topping. Do not freeze any leftover potato mixture, though. I tried that already and trust me, it doesn't work!

I know this seems like a lot of work, and I won't lie to you. It is. But the end result is so worth it, so much better than any pierogie you buy from the freezer section of your grocery store....you'll never want to go back. I promise!

Turkey Tetrazzini

2009-09-15T22:32:00.002-04:00

This is not your cafeteria style Turkey Tetrazzini....it's so yummy! I freeze leftover diced cooked turkey (from Thanksgiving or other), and make my own broth from the turkey carcass. Homemade turkey broth/stock makes all the difference!

To make the stock: Remove as much turkey meat as possible from your carcass. Dice the meat & freeze in ziploc bags. Place the remainder of the carcass (bones & skin) in a large stockpot. Add water so the pot is approximately 2/3 - 3/4 full. Add 2 whole bay leaves. Bring to a boil, then simmer on med-low heat for about 2 hours. Drain in a large colander over a large bowl to contain stock. Freeze cooled stock for later use.

Turkey Tetrazzini

Yield: 6-8 servings

4 cups cooked pasta
8 Tbsp (1 stick) butter, divided
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
1 cup hot turkey stock or canned broth
3 Tbsp all-purpose flour
2/3 heavy whipping cream
Salt/Pepper to taste
2-3 cups diced, cooked turkey
1/2 cup grated Romano or Parmesan cheese
2 Tbsp dried bread crumbs

**Cook pasta 1-2 minutes less than suggested time. Drain and toss with 2 Tbsp butter. Set aside.

**Saute mushrooms with 2 Tbsp butter; cook til butter is absorbed and mushrooms' liquid is evaporated. Set aside.

**Heat turkey stock or broth in one saucepan; melt 2 Tbsp butter in another. Add flour to butter, making a roux, stirring to blend for 2 minutes over medium heat. Gradually add hot turkey stock and simmer sauce on low heat for 5 minutes, stirring as it thickens. Pour in cream and heat through. Season with salt and pepper to taste, then fold in diced turkey and mushrooms. Set aside.

**Butter a 2 quart shallow baking dish and layer the bottom with half the cooked pasta. Spoon half the cream sauce over pasta. Repeat layers. Sprinkle the top with bread crumbs and cheese, and dot with remaining 2 Tbsp butter.

**Bake in a 350 degree oven for 30-40 minutes or until bubbly and lightly browned.

{I don't like mushrooms, so I omit them, and this is still very flavorful. But my friend June who gave me the recipe, loves the mushrooms and says they add terrific flavor!}

Stillness

2009-09-11T23:04:00.002-04:00

It's quiet here. Kids in bed, Marc just left for work. I'm winding down myself. I love the strength that is found in the quiet. It's enough to remind me that I am only me. And He is God. And that is enough.

Domesticity

2009-08-24T23:37:00.002-04:00

I love those days when you go to bed really tired, but you know you've accomplished a lot.

Today, we had a beautiful sunny day. This is awesome because since we've moved into our new house, every weekday has been rainy. I love the rain, especially on the heels of the drought the past few years, but it's been so sad to see Zachary have to be cooped up. He just got his brand new yard but couldn't use it yet! So today, we got to play outside....we love it!

Marc has challenged me (and himself) to speak only positive things this week. I thought it wouldn't be too hard, but now I'm realizing that I've been more negative than positive these days. It's eye-opening when you have 2 ways to present something, and you have to actually stop to think about how to express yourself in a positive manner!

I feel like I've spent most of the day in the kitchen, although I really only spent a few hours. It would have been easy for me to complain about this, since it was such a pretty day, but instead I found myself being thankful. Thankful that I had so much extra food that needed to be put up today.

Free tomatoes that were about to go bad...got cut up & made into a great little sauce to be frozen. 2 meals worth of it.
Muffins made for my moms' group tomorrow. My favorite, lemon poppyseed!
Yesterday, I got some meat on super-sale at the grocery store. I always look for the markdowns and got our favorite italian sausage and some ground turkey for half price. The use-by date was only one day away so I had to cook it fast. 3 pounds each of sausage & turkey. I got to make 60 meatballs and browned up 1 pound of turkey & 2 pounds of sausage for using in other meals. That makes it so easy for me to start a meal off on busy nights...
We ate a rotisserie chicken the other night. Today, I put the bones & bits of meat into a pot, added water & some bay leaves & made my own stock.
The stock got made into homemade chicken soup, and I made homemade noodles out of pierogie dough. Yum, yum, yum! Marc had to force himself to save some for his lunch for work tomorrow. :)

And I got to clean up my laundry room area, did 4 loads of laundry, went through Zachary's fall clothes, and emptied a few random boxes. SO much to be thankful for today! I laughed because tonight I caught Marc just wandering around the house with this funny look on his face. I asked him what he was doing, and he said, "just enjoying my new house....it actually looks like a house now and not a storage unit!" It sure feels good.

A few years ago, I would have laughed at "this" me. The "me" that enjoyed staying at home all day, enjoying the kids' laughter and the smell of good things coming from the kitchen. But now, I'm just smiling at how much God knew the desires of my heart, and He gave them to me. "Every good and precious gift...."

Freeze and Bake Yeast Rolls

2009-08-24T23:25:00.002-04:00

This recipe is from one of my "moms." :) Janet, this is your mom's recipe! I bake these rolls a lot, but the secret is I only have to "make" them once. You get the convenience of the store-bought frozen rolls, but the goodness of knowing exactly what's in the rolls. No crazy chemicals...

Freeze and Bake Yeast Rolls

2 pkg active dry yeast (equivalent to 4 1/2 tsp, if you buy in bulk)
1 & 1/2 cups warm water
2 tsp sugar

Put the above together in a large bowl & let sit for about 5 minutes. You'll see the yeast start to work.

Add:

1 & 1/2 cups warm milk (not hot)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
4 tsp salt
7 & 1/2 to 8 & 1/2 cups all purpose flour

Add enough of the flour to form a stiff dough. Turn out onto a floured surface, knead until smooth, 6-8 minutes. (**Krista's note: If using a mixer with a dough hook, let the mixer do the work for about the same amount of time.) Place in greased bowl, turning dough once to grease the top.

Cover and let rise (about an hour), punch down and form into shapes or balls. At this point, you can form the balls into any shape you'd like. I make them fancy & place 3 smaller balls in each cup of a muffin tin--this makes a cloverleaf shape. You can also roll a larger ball into an 8"-10" rope & tie into a knot, pinching the ends together (do this on a floured surface).

Place rolls onto a greased baking sheet (or greased muffin tin), brush with melted butter, and let rise again until double (again about an hour).

To serve immediately, bake at 375 degrees for 15-18 minutes.

To freeze for later, bake at 300 degrees for 15 minutes. Allow to cool, freeze in ziploc bags. Bake frozen rolls at 375 degrees for 12-15 minutes or until browned.

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This may seem like a lot of work, but the most time is spent waiting for the dough to rise. Don't be afraid of yeast--give it a try! Hope you enjoy.

And she walks!

2009-08-08T07:29:00.003-04:00

Kenna surprised us last week by taking her first step (at 10 1/2 months). It was a sweet time & it was neat because I happened to be talking to Marc on the phone at the exact moment she did it. So he got to be part of it, too!

It took Zachary about a month from the time he took his first step til the time he really tried to walk everywhere, so I thought I had some time with Kenna. But it looks like she's going to be as stubborn and strong-willed as I think (and not just in the bad ways...) and she is walking. Zach will run by her in the house & she gets right up, starts laughing, and for a minute, you think she's going to run after him. It's ridiculously cute, because she's so small and it looks like this 6 month old is walking around the house!

Speaking of house, we are in the new house. Marc & I have decided we're never moving again, so the landlords may have to kick us out of this house before we choose to leave. I have revised my stance about the ease of moving when you've done it almost 30 times, and I now believe that moving with children involved is a nightmare. Especially when you have a very high-maintenance daughter who also happened to be cutting 3 teeth at once. Enough said.

So, we're in, the new house is painted, and I am unpacking. My favorite part about unpacking is seeing stuff I haven't seen or used in the last 5 years & putting it in the "garage sale" pile, a pile which is growing by the day. (We also moved our storage unit, which hasn't been touched since we moved here 2 yrs ago, so I am shocked by the things you "collect" over 10 yrs of marriage.)

Pictures will come at a time when I actually remember to take them during daylight hours, and when there are no boxes on the front of my wonderful, covered porch, and when the lawn gets mowed, and the house is clean. And all that stuff. But, it is lovely. Old house meets new paint, big yard meets happy children, tired mommy meets comforting white porch swing. Enough said.

Zachary starts "school" in a little over a week (his birthday falls too late to enter true preschool this year so it's sort of a Pre K 4 program)...he is excited. I am excited, not to get rid of him, but because I realized I have never had a day or even more than an hour with just my daughter. So I'm looking forward to hanging out with her all by myself.

It's hard to believe that it's almost September again. New milestones coming for our family this fall--Zach starting school, Kenna turning one, Marc turning 30, and we celebrate 10 yrs of marriage. Lots of new pages turning, and I am thankful that I know the One Who Writes the pages, and Who Knows the Endings, and Who Holds my Heart in His Hands. Do you know Him?

Sad

2009-07-22T09:38:00.002-04:00

Can I just be sad today? I go through phases of grief...I think that this move to a new house and all that entails has helped me to not "think" so much. But it just hit me again today how sad I am about losing another baby.

People have told me they think we are strong because of all we have been through, and I think in a small way they are right--we've had a lot of practice at this kind of grief. But mostly, we've just learned Whom to hold on to. Our hope is in God, in our Savior Jesus Christ.

But just because we know that God works all things for our good according to His purpose, doesn't mean that disappointments won't come our way and that we won't suffer any on this earth.

I have to remind myself that it's ok to be sad, to grieve for this lost little one. It's ok. To take a few moments and honor the life that God allowed us to be part of creating, even for a short time.

The hardest times are those a few months after a loss, when the "news" of it has died down. You are still grieving, but everyone else has forgotten or just moved on. Your heart cries out to remember your little one and you want everyone else to remember too.

And, though I am happy for them, it's hard to see my friends announce their pregnancies, with due dates around the same time. I don't begrudge their happiness, not for a second. It just makes me sad to realize again all that is lost. All the excitement of hearing the heartbeat, seeing that tiny body through the ultrasound, finding out "girl" or "boy." Feeling the flutters of the first movements, rubbing my belly, bumping my belly into everything, using my belly as a table.

Yet, I am so thankful. I have not been left alone to deal with my loss. I am not forgotten. I am not betrayed, or forsaken. It was prophesied about Jesus:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. - Isaiah 61:1-3

"The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love." Psalm 147:10

Cinnamon Muffins

2009-07-15T14:59:00.002-04:00

Not so healthy, but these were quick to make & so so yummy. (The recipe says to serve warm, but I made them, let them cool, and we ate them for dessert. They are still good cold, but would be excellent warm, too.)

Cinnamon Muffins

Yield: 1 dozen

1/3 cup shortening
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
1-1/2 cups all purpose flour
1-1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg (we hate nutmeg, I replaced with cinnamon & it was good)
1/2 cup milk

Topping:
1/2 cup sugar
1-1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
3 Tbsp butter, melted

In a bowl, cream shortening & sugar. Add egg; beat well. Combine flour, baking powder, salt, and nutmeg (or cinnamon); add to creamed mixture alternately with milk and mix well.

Fill greased muffin cups half full. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. (Mine took only 15 min...these do not really brown so be sure to check with toothpick.)

In a shallow bowl, combine sugar & cinnamon. Dip muffin tops in butter, then in cinnamon-sugar. Serve warm. (Note: I had a lot of cinn-sugar left over--you might even be able to half the amounts for the topping depending on your preferences.)

Celebrate

2009-07-04T13:21:00.003-04:00

Today, I am celebrating MY independence. Yes, remembering what made this country great, our beginnings. But also remembering what Christ did for me, and reveling in the ways I get to experience that freedom on a daily basis.

Mostly, today, I am thankful for the freedom I have to raise my kids, at home. This is such a gift to me...my sweet husband working so many hours so that I can do the best work there is. Nurturing new lives, training hearts, and in the process realizing how He wants to change me through it all.

I have a few links to share with you. These are powerful to me today; I hope they minister to you, too. (And maybe all you SAHMs reading this will get a few minutes to click on them since it's a Saturday...)

A Mother's Work...a new perspective. "Tonight, I’ll finally linger at the last light switch. I’ll have worked today but no one will have paid me a cent. Real work rises above the necessity of mere money. Tonight, I'll have more than money. I’ll have a bouquet of words, mumbled words from around the table from mouths too full. Words He too will say at the end of time to the faithful servants. Like the words He said in the beginning, when He began His work, when He finished each task..."

Not a Stay-at-Home-Mom? "~Hold a sleeping babe in your arms, mouth agape and warm breath drifting, and stand before a map of this world. Which would you rather have? Paris, New York, Tokyo, London------or this flesh lying against yours, this one made in the image and likeness of the very Divine? This world is going to burn up, cinders for the universe….but your child is a soul without end, forever and ever existence. The world has pitifully, laughably little to offer in comparison to this holy opportunity to raise up a child."

Relationship with God in the Midst of Crazy Family Life "Sometimes it is too loud in here. Sometimes I don’t know if I am going or coming here. Sometimes I’d like to leave here. But here, within these four walls, is where we live, and laugh, and love…in the presence of Him Who knows no boundaries...."

Kids are like Ice Cream. "Sometimes being a stay at home mom is like eating ice cream that has a little frost bite on it. You really love the ice cream so you keep eating it, but those little pieces find their way onto your spoon every now and again. It doesn't make you stop eating it, since you love it so, but it does put a sour taste in your mouth every now and again...."

Army museum, Ft Rucker, AL

2009-06-29T23:01:00.005-04:00

Apparently, this was either the highlight of our trip, or the only time I remembered to take pictures while I was in AL...you decide!

Z going into the CH 47 Chinook helicopter.

Mom, Pete (Mom's boyfriend and a retired-Army-pilot-turned-instructor...and a great tour guide!), and Z...sorry these are dark, but there wasn't a lot of light in there!

Kenna was enjoying her "ride" in the back of the Chinook.

Bad picture, but if you can see it a little, it will give you some perspective of how big this helicopter is.

Pete and Zach. Z was SO excited about the pilot's hat Pete bought for him!

See how little she looks next to that thing?

Some old airplanes

The story of the Red Baron

Pretty much the only thing we heard the whole day was, "Hey Pete..." Zach was just so excited!

In the simulator

Kenna had to take a turn, too!

This place was really very cool. I find it hard to believe I lived in Dothan for so long and never went here! Hope this wasn't picture overload for you... :)

Dothan pics

2009-06-29T22:56:00.002-04:00

Actually, I realized some of these pics were taken at home. Oh, well!

Cool girl

When she's super fussy, the only thing that will calm her down is watching Praise Baby DVDs. She is absolutely mesmerized by them!

See?

Z and Quay Quay at Pizza Kastle in Dothan. Fun games, expensive food. Isn't that always how it works? :)

Z and Katie--such a great picture!

Some random pictures from May

2009-06-29T22:52:00.002-04:00

Snapshot of our daily life! Z is always wrapped up in some kind of blanket that he carries around the house, and K always has to be right where her brother is.

Vacation Pictures

2009-06-29T22:18:00.004-04:00

Here are some pics from our vacation with Marc's family in the Smokies, taken by my sis & bro-in-law. They took a ton of pictures, but since I'm posting so many, I narrowed them down to my favorites.

Kenna Boo

Me & my girl, riding the carousel for the first time

The baby cousins...Kenna and Kadence...after their baths! So cute!

Not the best pic of me, but I never get to snuggle with Kierlyn, so this was a special treat!

Marc's sister Shauna & Kadence--Love this picture!

Our attempt to get the kids to take "good" pictures. These were taken in Cades Cove.

Garren, Kadence, & Kierlyn

All 5 cousins

Peek-a-boo!

Changes

2009-06-19T20:34:00.004-04:00

It's weird. I usually don't let a month go by without posting anything. But it's been a good season of quiet for me. Next post I will update you with some pictures--we've had some good ones over the last month.

Kenna is 9 months now, crawling, pulling up & cruising everywhere. She is a curious one and gets into everything. Zach was also curious, but she just has this look about her...like she is headed for trouble. It's cute now, but I'm sure it will get interesting! She's babbling a lot more, shrieking, smiling, laughing. Just making us love her like crazy.

Zach is growing up. He's tall and so smart. I'm amazed at the stuff he comes up with these days, and loving how he expresses himself. He's really starting to think about some abstract concepts...keeping me on my toes! He was watching Robin Hood (Disney) with Marc a few weeks ago, and said, "Dad, but Robin Hood is stealing. That's not okay, right?" He just doesn't miss a beat! His chocolate brown eyes will melt my heart every time.

For Marc & I, life is busy. Hard, exciting, challenging--all at once. We found out several weeks ago we were expecting another baby, a huge surprise since I am still breastfeeding Kenna. (Yes, we knew it could happen, just didn't think it would...) Shocked does not even begin to cover it. :) But then, the shock wore off and we were just very excited. We started to plan for this new little one. Living in a 2 bedroom house was most certainly going to have to be the first thing to go! So....we're moving! Still renting, and still in Knoxville, but now it's a 3 bedroom house with beautiful yards, no stairs, and did I mention it has 3 bedrooms? :) We'll be moving next month and it can't come soon enough!!

But we did get some bad news this week. It seems that this baby is not to be. For reasons we will never understand, we have lost this little one. I wish I could say that this gets easier to deal with the fifth time around, but it's still so hard to deal with, to process. After the experience with Kenna and discovering I had some medical issues that seemed to be the reason for the previous losses, we felt like we were in the clear with this pregnancy. So, needless to say, we are struggling to accept this loss...of what was for just a few weeks, of what could have been for the rest of our lives.

I say all this, hoping that I do not make you uncomfortable in any way. I know that miscarriage is a part of people's lives that often remains hidden, and for good reason. It IS uncomfortable. It is private. People don't know how to respond--what to say, what not to say. Often times I find myself seeking to comfort someone else I have just told about our loss, because I have found a way to cope, but it's still shocking to them. (I guess I'm doing that now...ha ha ha.)

Just know that I am sharing this because you all who read my blog are a part of our lives and we love you. We would covet any prayers you might wish to pray for us. And also know that we will be okay. We know and fully believe that God is holding us in the palm of His hand. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is walking this difficult path with us. We may never understand this side of heaven what purposes and plans were accomplished with this suffering, but in everything, we just want His will for our lives.

(The following applies to us, but I know that it would also apply to anyone else who is hurting with a similar loss...) If you would like to do something besides pray, there are a few things we have found that help us during difficult days. A meal, a babysitter so Marc & I can have some alone time to talk or just laugh together, an outing with or without the kids to keep my mind occupied. (But sometimes it's hard for us to ask for help when we're hurting; if you want to help, it's always helpful for us if you have an idea already in mind, rather than just say "let me know if there's anything I can do." We believe in your sincerity in wanting to help; it's just hard for us to ask specifically.)

Hug your kids a little tighter tonight, okay? I know I am snuggling with mine, holding to these days so closely...they are going by quickly. We love all of you and pray you are doing well so far this summer!

Sometimes you feel like a fitted sheet

2009-05-22T16:10:00.002-04:00

I would like to own one of those factory machines that fold brand-new fitted sheets. I mean, does anyone really know how to fold a fitted sheet perfectly? The stupid elastic stuff makes it so hard to fold them "nicely" so they stack up prettily in your linen closet. Instead you end up just haphazardly rolling the sheet over and over your arm until it sort of "looks" folded enough and you stuff it into the back of the shelf where nobody sees.

Flat sheets, on the other hand, are every woman's dream. Every side folds corner to corner. It all lines up til you have a perfect little rectangle. If I have a choice? Sure, I'm going to pick the flat sheet every time.

As I, ahem, "folded" one such fitted sheet this morning, I was thinking about how lately my life feels like a fitted sheet. Not such an easy task, folding my life into a perfect rectangle. Doing everything "just so" and, when I'm done, putting it away on the shelf in admiration.

I'm tired of the hard stuff. Tired of trying to make my own expectations line up end to end and feeling like I'm never going to get there. Sometimes I just want to give up & roll it over and over until it resembles something barely close to the original design. And sometimes I just sit & whine, "Why couldn't I have been a flat sheet?" You know, those people you look at and think, "Their life looks so great. Everything seems so pleasant and perfect."

But, the Lord reminds me of a few things. The world needs fitted sheets. Laugh at me. Go ahead. But when you're done laughing, think about what life would be like with your bottom sheet moving all over the place. Husbands and wives would have one more thing to argue about...

I pondered the elastic for awhile. After all, it's the magic elastic that keeps your sheet in place. Elastic is stretchy, flexible, adaptable. It conforms to whatever it is wrapping around. You know that it's there, doing its job; yet you can't see it, hidden under the edge of the fabric. And when the bed is all made up and beautiful, the elastic is at the very bottom. The lowest of the lowest (well, except the bedskirt. but that's for another day...).

So when I think about the end result of my life, my goals, what I really want to look like when it's all said & done, I realize I want to be a fitted sheet after all. I want myself to be conformed to what (Who) I'm wrapped around--Jesus Christ. I want the "me" part of myself to be hidden underneath it all so that He can be showcased.

I think that's one of the reasons why I try to be transparent. I think that most people naturally want to showcase their good side. The happy occasions, the beautiful pictures, and perfect family moments. I totally get that. And normally, that's the side I err on: wanting to make sure I am not being so transparent that all I am doing is sharing the "yuck" with you. After I post things going on in my life like feeling like a crazy person or struggling with postpartum depression, I go into this panic mode where I want to retract every word I have just typed. My intention with this blog is not for it to be my yucky journal, but to share my life with you. The good, the bad, the ugly.

Having said that, I could be missing it here, but I feel like my greatest opportunities for ministry to others have come when I have laid down my "perfect-ness" and become vulnerable. I hear from so many women who tell me, "Yes, I have been there," and encourage me that I am not alone, or that they have received encouragement knowing they are not alone either.

I've also heard from other women who say that it was my testimony that spurred them on to be even more vulnerable themselves. Let's face it--in a small group setting, no one wants to be the one to say "I struggle with -------." Fill in the blank: Anger, Unforgiveness, Pornography, Slander (gossip), Lust, Pride, Envy. But I believe that the enemy (Satan) has so much power over us when we hide that stuff from each other. It is the boldness of one person saying "This is not who I am, it is a sin I struggle with, and Jesus has forgiven me" that can release others from the grip of that same sin.

People---the devil wants us to hide our yuck. He wants us to push it down and think that no one else deals with "my little problem." He wants us to think "it's not a big deal" or "God isn't really bothered when I gossip. It's just a little thing." But, if we are brave enough, vulnerable enough, we will be saved from even the little things. "By the blood of the Lamb (Jesus Christ) and the word of our testimony."

So I have decided I'm going to continue being vulnerable, sharing my struggles as well as my victories, in the hopes that it might minister to someone. And in the hopes that every bit of the struggle will "create in me a new heart" that is growing to be like Christ.

James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

Don't fight

2009-05-15T23:13:00.003-04:00

I will spare you the messy details of my last few weeks, but suffice it to say, they've been rough. I'm not a crying kind of girl, but I've cried hard 4 out of the last 7 days. Really rough.

I'd like to know a few things. What's the deal with mommy burnout and how come no one ever talks about it out loud? Why do I feel like I'm the only one spilling my guts about how rough life can be with young kids? Why do I feel guilty because no one else is sharing, though I know others have to be feeling the same way (or did at this same point in their lives)?

Is it a woman thing? A pride thing? A Southern thing? Somebody, help a woman out!

I've been feeling desperate this week. Among other emotions. :) Responsibility and commitment have kept me at my mommy post, when everything inside me was screaming "I need out!" Apparently, from talking this over with a few very close friends, it turns out I'm not the only one who's been through this. What a relief!

I got some much-needed alone time tonight. It's always hard to know what to do with myself when I am forced to be alone, away from my house. I feel lost, like I don't even know who the real me is anymore apart from PB&J sandwiches or changing diapers or shushing crying babies.

I'm walking this line, it seems, between "I know that this life is not about me being happy and I can be content no matter the circumstances because the joy of the Lord is my strength," and "Somebody let me off this train to nowhere-land because I'm going to lose my mind and this is not what I signed up for when I chose to follow Christ!" It's a really fine line. You know, like those extra-fine ball point pens? Super fine.

Anyway, during my time away, I spent some time reflecting over the ways the Lord has been speaking to me this week. Or trying to speak to me--I've been a little hard-headed and obstinate, feeling like I wanted to do this my way and not His way. Sometimes you've just got to drill it into my head before I really hear it....guess this was one of those weeks.

My girl Celina reminded me (via a random facebook status) that "there is real joy out there...but it doesn't come without some sacrifice of the superficial things that give us temporary happiness."

Then tonight in the car, this Proverbs 31 commercial came on. Normally, these cutesy little stories annoy me, but I happened to listen this time. The woman was talking about a situation with her son who was saying "Why is this happening to me?" (about a necessary medical procedure) And she was thinking to herself, "Yes, why me?" Then she taught her son that God uses our sufferings to teach us things...I believe she said that He teaches us "in the classroom of sufferings." She went on to quote Hebrews 13:5 where God says, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." And 2 Cor 12:9 where Jesus says to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Ok, God, I'm getting it! I started to realize what my heart already knew but my brain needed some time to absorb. He IS with me, He DOES love me, and I CAN do all things through Christ's strength.

Then, two separate times in the car, this song came on the radio. Normally, I'm super annoyed by the fact that the radio stations feel the need to play certain songs a hundred million times until it gets drilled into your head so much you can't stand it anymore. But, tonight, it was a blessing.

By Your Side
Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

A picture journal

2009-05-11T22:58:00.004-04:00

Dad & Lisa came to visit a few weekends ago. We had a great time with them. Dad was helping us fix our couch...somehow we all ended up in the kitchen at the same time & we realized, "Where's Kenna?"

At this point, she wasn't crawling, but she could still get herself where she wanted to go. I guess she wants to be a handywoman! (You know it's your second child when you run for the camera before taking away the sharp, pointed screwdrivers!)

Finally! A "real" family picture of the four of us. Maybe the next time, we'll ALL be smiling! :)

Dad, Lisa, & the kids

Kenna enjoying her breakfast one morning. I love seeing her smile behind those fingers!

Marc & Zachary on a rainy day.... "Before"

"During"

And "After!" He had so much fun!

Kenna turned 8 months yesterday. It's hard to believe, yet I'm thankful all at the same time! Every time I feel sad about her lack of newborn-ness, I remind myself of the hours of screaming every day. :)

These baby blues get me every time.

Z couldn't be left out of the picture taking!

She's always got her eye on whatever her big brother is doing!

I love this picture of her. She's such a thinker!

She was trying to get my camera here & had propped her arm up on my leg. This smile makes all the hard times so worth it!

Marc came home from work today & caught us in a quiet moment together (the first quiet moment all day!) He grabbed the camera so we wouldn't forget what peace looks like.

Confessions

2009-05-04T22:21:00.002-04:00

I was going to post some sweet pictures from the last couple weekends, but my camera & computer must be fighting; I can't get my memory card to load and I'm too tired to think about it much tonight.

So I spent some time talking to my sis online, and we were having some good laughs about our time in The Big W (Wisconsin)...you know, last summer when I worked for a friend of mine for a couple of weeks?

I confess that during those 2 weeks:

I ate almost 2 boxes of donuts single handedly. I might have let Jacque have 1 or 2 donuts...
I also gained 7 lbs. (I was 30 weeks pregnant, but still.) I was well within my weight gaining range before I went to WI....so I'm blaming it on the stress of the trip. :) My OB was none too pleased.
I realized that I never ever again want to work full time & be a mommy. If I can help it. WAY too stressful. (Not saying that it was necessarily "harder" than being a stay at home mommy, just more stressful. I think each job has its own difficulties...that's a whole 'nother blog post on that topic!)
That was the longest I have ever been away from my husband. It was really hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be. I don't ever want to do that again. I give a LOT of credit to military wives whose husbands are deployed (or vice versa). I mean a WHOLE LOT of credit.
I realized that I no longer thought of the Midwest as "home." This one's a little sad for me, since it stills feels like home in a lot of ways. But, as is always the case for me when we move where God leads, I found that home was back in good old Tennessee. Usually this transition takes me at least a year, so it was surprisingly early.
I peed in my pants at work. Yes, you read that correctly. Totally peed right through my pants. As in, had to call my friend whom I was working for and say, "I hope we're good enough friends that I can tell you this. But my sister took my son to the children's museum, so I have no car, and I really need you to take me back to my hotel RIGHT NOW so I can change my clothes, because I just peed all over myself." (We were good enough friends, and she laughed with me--after she made sure I hadn't broken my water--and we were both thankful I had brought an extra pair of black pants so no one else was the wiser.)
I was 2 feet from the Dalai Lama and didn't even know it. Read this post.
I never thought I'd miss the big sky and gorgeous green fields. But I do!
I also never thought I'd miss this belly. But I do. Some of the time...
I never thought being a mom could be so rewarding.

I feel better now. :) Pictures to come whenever I can help my computer reconcile with my camera.

Pondering them all in my heart

2009-04-28T23:11:00.003-04:00

I've been a little silent these days. Both online & in my real life. It started out a forced silence; due to some unexpected issues, I found myself with very few cell phone minutes, no home phone, and a daughter with RSV, a very contagious illness. So I stayed home, didn't call anyone, and stayed away from Facebook because God was asking me to "come away and be separate."

Not that there is anything wrong with any of those things, but I think He was just drawing me away for some quiet time, to ponder my life and some things He's been teaching me, and to learn new things as well.

The following links are just a few of the things that He has/had been teaching me. It's always encouraging and not-so-surprising that He directs my paths, even on the internet, to places that He has designed for my ultimate growth. I hope they minister to you as well.

Self-Entitlement: "I call myself a servant but expect to be treated like a queen."

Time Management: Using Eternity as my Filter

Be Intentional: Living Life on Purpose

Blessings: What does it really mean to be blessed by God? Is it only when things are going the way we want them to?

We've been studying a book called Loving Your Husband (Cynthia Heald, NavPress) in my weekly mom's group. When I entered this study, I thought I would be learning a lot about how to love my husband--and don't get me wrong, I am--but I've found what I am learning more is that this life is not about me. That at the core of being a servant is the realization that you are there for the sole purpose of making someone else's life better (not the other way around!).

And the only way that we can accomplish any of these seemingly difficult tasks is by realizing that we have to look to Christ to provide everything we need. No husband, boyfriend, job, child, or bank account will fill that empty place every woman has inside her. Only God can fill that void. Only He can be everything we've always dreamed of. He is our "Knight in Shining Armor."

When you can enter a marriage, start a new relationship, renew an old friendship, and you have realized that it's not about you anymore, but about the person you are trying to love...there is such freedom in that place!

Consider this quote by Lawrence Crabb, Jr., from the book The Marriage Builder:

Until I am aware that my needs are already met in Christ, I will be motivated by emptiness to meet my needs. When by simple faith I accept Christ's shed blood as full payment for my sins, I am brought into a relationship with an infinite Being of love and purpose who fully satisfies my deepest needs for security and significance. Therefore I am freed from self-centered preoccupation with my own needs; they are met. It is now possible for me to give to others out of my fullness rather than needing to receive from others because of my emptiness. For the first time, I have the option of living selflessly.

I think I've rambled on enough for one night! Hope these thoughts have ministered to you as they did to me.

In a moment

2009-04-28T22:52:00.003-04:00

Watching... just got done with my weekly show, The Biggest Loser. One of only 3 tv shows I watch. (The Office & Numb3rs are the other two, in case you were wondering.)

Relaxing... about my life & my self-appointed pressures. There is so much freedom when you live the life God has for you & not anyone else's.

Feeling connected... to my family. Though they are far away, I hope they will always feel like "somebody's missing." :)

Feeling satisfied... with my life in general.

Wondering... when will be that blessed week (7 days in a row) when my daughter decides to sleep through the night without waking up even once. You won't recognize me; I'll be so rested!

Looking forward to... seeing my newest niece Kadence in 4 1/2 weeks! She will be 6 1/2 months old & I've never met her... :(

Not looking forward to... my 6:30 a.m. wake up call from my favorite son.

Praising God... for my two small children, each one a miracle and a blessing.

Praying for... a very special woman.

Hoping... I fall asleep before midnight. (and I haven't even had any caffeine today, go figure)

Laughing... at Helen's hair on The Biggest Loser. I don't laugh out loud much at tv, but that was just plain hilarious!

Thinking... about today's lesson at my mom's group on integrity. Doing what's right when no one is watching. Being faithful in the small things. Staying committed to what you promised you would do, even when the circumstances relating to that promise may have changed.

"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

3 weeks?

2009-04-23T21:50:00.003-04:00

Has it really been almost 3 weeks since I posted anything? Just in case you're wondering, I have worked on my house & "blitzed" & cleaned the last few weeks...just no posts to document it! Life has been a bit crazy around here with some family in town, Easter, and a new little tooth to complement the other two.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the last few weeks:

At Makenlee's 2nd birthday party, taken by my friend Melissa (her mom):
I need to frame this picture. In the worst way.

My brothers surprised us on Easter Sunday (mom & sisters were already visiting). It was the first time in 3 years all 6 of us kids have been together and we made the most of it! I have some very, very cool siblings. I wish we could all live together again...it would be a blast!

In order from left to right: Katie (#6), Jacque (#4), Mike (#5), John (#2), Krista (#1), Joe (#3) This is in order of birth & not coolness. Heaven knows I am the nerdiest one in this bunch!

This past weekend, Marc's parents came into town for a little visit. We drove into the mountains for a trip to the "Y" in Townsend. Kenna got her first dip in the water...it's kind of a family thing that every new kid has to be "baptized" in the Y. (This is not a religious thing, just one of those traditions...)

Zachary screamed when we first dipped his feet in. He was exactly Kenna's age. She was fascinated by it & didn't cry at all, which was shocking, considering that Z got to experience the water in June and for Kenna it was April! That water is coming straight down from the mountains and let me tell you it is cold.

Thanks to Marc's parents (& my mom & Katie) for watching the kids & giving us 2 date nights in 2 weeks! We had more date nights in 2 weeks than we have in the last 7 months combined. We had an awesome time together & for a few *short* hours remembered what it was like before children & second jobs.

So...updates. Zachary is becoming quite the little man. He talks about going to school all the time, and has especially become interested in baseball. He tells me when he is "4 or 5" he is going to school and will play baseball (T-ball) because he "is a really big strong boy." Though his talking can make anyone tired :), he is a bundle of joy and smiles. One of his new favorite things is reminding us which color of car belongs to which of his family, friends, and/or friends' parents. It's quite exhausting, and I'm not sure how he remembers, but he does!

He also has a profound love of flip flops. He will wear them around the house, even if he's only in his underwear. Last year's pairs (red & green) were way too small, so on our date night, Marc & I stopped to get the little guy a special treat: 4 new pairs of flip flops from Old Navy. (At $2.50/pair, you really can't go wrong!) He is excited about them and loves to mix/match. Today we went out to a Chick-Fil-A Kids Night event and he insisted on wearing one green flip flop and one red flip flop.

Kenna is growing so quickly! She is at that "fun" age, where she is starting to babble, sit up, and trying to crawl. She will get up on all fours & rock back and forth, but at this point, even after 2 weeks, she can only crawl backwards. It frustrates her to no end! She gets so fussy when she realizes she's moving backwards instead of forwards. One of the other things she will do is get up on her tippy-toes like she is going to do a push-up. She does manage to go forward a bit in that position, but she still hasn't quite figured it out. I just think it's adorable watching her--it looks like she's doing some kind of baby yoga.

She adores her big brother; Z can make her laugh at the drop of a hat these days (always helpful when I need to get some chores done). She is a home-girl and loves loves loves to be home. She does enjoy new things & getting out of the house, but you can tell when we have been out & get home after a long day out---she just grins when we walk in the door as if to say "Ahhh! I'm home!" Kenna gets super jealous of her daddy these days. When Marc gets home, she wants him to go right to her. If he kisses me or plays with Zachary first, Kenna will do this fake cry that she has to try to get his attention. It's so sweet to see her with her daddy! She is finishing up cutting her 3rd tooth (all bottom teeth).

Marc & I are just surviving. :) There's not much else to say but that! We love and hate this season of life we're in. Some days seem so long and so hard, that it's difficult to remember it won't last forever. We're trying so much to focus on the sweet moments with our kiddos, even when we're tired. We remind each other "it's just a season," and we are thankful every day for our miracle babies, and this loving family God has blessed us with.

Blitz-it Friday

2009-04-03T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm participating in Blitz it-Friday at Organized Everyday. I've been a subscriber of her blog for a few months now and I always enjoy her tips for getting & staying organized. This one (the blitz) is so exciting for me, though! The basics are: you pick an amount of time for "blitzing" and focus your attentions for that amount of time (no distractions) til the job is done.

As a mother of 2 young kids, I need this weekly reminder to help me get stuff done. You know...we all have those days when you feel like nothing gets accomplished! Those of you who know me, know that I'm not afraid to be vulnerable. If you don't want to see pictures of my messy house, stop reading now. :) But, if you *might* have a messy house, too, every once in awhile, and want to not feel so bad about yourself, keep reading!

I've been meaning to participate in this blitz for the past few weeks, but just hadn't gotten around to it. (Maybe I needed to "blitz" my blitzing post! ha ha) Today, I purposed I was going to get this done, no matter what. It was a good thing, because my kitchen needed it! I blitzed for an hour today.

Here are the before pictures of my kitchen/dining room. I won't apologize for the mess. :) It's life; it happens. The only thing clean in this picture is my empty dishwasher. I did at least get that done this morning!

I set my timer. The one thing that surprised me was that as I started rolling along, I was amazed at how much I accomplished in the first 15 minutes. It was just the encouragement I needed to remind myself to keep up with my small tasks so things don't build up to this. (And no, my kitchen does not look like this on a regular basis....it's just been a rough week.)

And this is my picture exactly 60 minutes later: everything on the counters is now clean & ready to be put away. One sink is full of dirty dishes, which were ready to go into the dishwasher once it was done.

And...my cutie-pie son, who woke up exactly 19 minutes into my 60 minute blitz, but thankfully was not too much of a distraction. How could anyone resist staring into his cute little face? :)

I finished the job shortly after supper, so it's all clean now! Yeah! Hopefully, I'll be able to keep this up every week, doing different projects along the way. I have a few things in mind I'd like to organize & get done, and this hour-long blitz seems like just the tool!

This week in pictures

2009-04-02T23:40:00.002-04:00

I just thought this look on Kenna's face was so cute! She's really starting to move around where she wants to go...every direction but forward, to her dismay. Z was reading to her in this picture.

They each start to get a little jealous when the other gets "daddy time" so I often find Marc holding both kids at once.

This is a great plush pillow that my dad bought for the kids at Disney World last month (Z got one, too; his is Pluto). It velcros into a regular-looking stuffed animal. I thought this was funny because it looked like Tigger was giving birth to Kenna. Sorry if that grosses anyone out, but I thought it was pretty hilarious. :)

And this is how I found her this afternoon while I was fixing lunch for the kids. Z is finding all sorts of interesting ways to "entertain" himself & Kenna these days! Unfortunately, right after I took this picture, I came back into the room to find him lifting up her entire exersaucer, almost flipping her over on her head. I'm a little bit worried about what he'll think of next....

Consignment sale fun!

2009-04-02T23:37:00.002-04:00

Just thought I'd share a few fun photos of all the good stuff I got at our local consignment sale Duck Duck Goose. I got all this good stuff for $96...clothes, shoes, toys, movies, games. Most of it is brand-name stuff. It's very exciting! My friend Melissa has me hooked, I think... :) I did bring some stuff to sell this time around, too, so we'll see how that goes!

Growing kids

2009-03-26T13:35:00.003-04:00

We've been blessed to get to hang out with Marc's parents for a few hours the past couple of weekends. Here they are, loving on their babies:

Trying out her first version of a sippy cup after eating her cereal. I love this look on her face!

I hate how blurry these next few pictures are. My stupid camera kept focusing on the fan behind her...sorry about that. (Maybe I need to add "clean fan" to my list of things to do this week!) But I couldn't ignore how cute she & Z are in these pics, so here they are:

Z making her laugh, as usual

This is one of her newest expressions--it's so fun to see her finally happy & laughing now that she's feeling better.

Ride 'em, cowboy!

I am addicted to this look on her face.

Z picked up a little something at the grocery store for me the other day....

Z is not normally one to nap outside of his bed environment, but this day, he was so exhausted. I had put a video on for him so I could get Kenna down for her nap, and usually he stays awake, but when I came downstairs, this is how I found him!

Z enjoying the new Wee Play exhibit at the Zoo. We are definitely going to make use of this exhibit this summer--this big room is a lot like Sprout (just on a smaller scale), but it's also air-conditioned for those horrible July days. I know it's a shock to all of you that this picture was taken in the kitchen part!

Kenna enjoying the zoo from the comfort of her stroller.

Don't let these zoo pictures fool you--these 3 pictures were about the only calm times we had at the zoo that day. We had a late start getting there. Then, what should have been a 10 minute drive to the zoo turned into 45 minutes, thanks to some police cars who decided to drive right in front of all lanes of cars and drive 3-4 miles per hour for several miles. For no reason, I might add. Of course, our car was the 3rd car behind these police cars, and of course, the police decided they'd had enough just before the exit I needed. :) A lesson in patience! So when we got there, the kids were hungry, Kenna pooped all the way through her outfit, Z was cranky-tired, etc. Shortly after this carousel ride, we headed home. Z was crying & I said, "we can come back to the zoo. We're not having any fun anyway." Then the whole way out of the zoo, he was crying at the top of his lungs, "but mommy, I want to have fun...please can I have fun?" Just wailing. I'm sure everyone thought I was being a horrible mother, denying my son his "fun." :)

Kenna Boo enjoying her first experience sitting in the grass.

Hope you enjoyed the pics!

Scripture memory for toddlers & preschoolers

2009-03-26T12:03:00.005-04:00

Awhile back, I posted about how Z had been learning some verses & it was blessing my heart. I've been intentional these last few weeks about teaching him to memorize more Scripture. I figure, if he can remember those Barney & Backyardigans' songs from the DVDs he watches, surely he can memorize Scripture verses.

And you know what? I was right. We started out with just a few verses that I got from the back of the random papers from his Sunday School classes...basically just scaled-down verses of basic truths to help him understand how God's Word is here to help us with our daily lives and teach us how to be holy.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was browsing in the Christian book store during some rare time alone and came across a book called something like "20 Bible verses every preschooler should know." It came with a CD and all kinds of activities to help your child learn a verse each week while enjoying songs and stories to help bring across the point of the Scriptures.

Of course, there was no money in our budget that week to buy a book like this, and I was first disappointed. Then I realized "You dummy...you can just write down the Scriptures to work on with him at home." :) So I pulled a ridiculously stained, crumpled, old receipt from the depths of my purse and started jotting down references.

I went through those references, shortened/paraphrased the verses to what I thought was an appropriate level for Z, and made up some "flashcards" out of half sheets of basic white computer paper and his box of fun markers. I thought I'd share some of them here with anyone who is interested in trying this with their kids.

Zach knows 7 verses with references now, and we have Bible time most every day where I read from a great book called "The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes" by Kenneth N. Taylor. I got this a few weeks ago for pennies at our local library's annual book sale. It's pretty old and the pictures are kind of corny, but it's geared just for his level--3 to 6 yr olds. It's a short Bible story, with a reference (which we read from my "real" Bible later), and then questions for comprehension/discussion at the end of the story.

Honestly, the whole Bible time takes about 15 minutes, but I'm amazed at the questions he can answer. I definitely wouldn't have thought he would have that kind of reading comprehension. Plus, we are discussing truths that help me in teaching & training. This time has become a special time just for the 2 of us while Kenna is napping.

The verses he has learned so far are:

I trust in God's Word. - Psalm 119:42
We must obey God. - Acts 5:29
God loves me so much He sent His Son, Jesus. - John 3:16
When I am afraid, I will trust in God. - Psalm 56:3
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. - Genesis 1:1
We love because God loves us. - 1 John 4:19
Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life. - John 14:6

These are the verses in my "arsenal:"

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. - Psalm 23:1
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. - Hebrews 13:8
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and strength. - Deuteronomy 6:5
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. - Psalm 107:1
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. - Proverbs 3:5
Call upon God, and He will listen to you. - Jeremiah 29:12
Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only. - Luke 4:8
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13
Honor your father and your mother. - Exodus 20:12
I hide your Word in my heart so I will not sin against You. - Psalm 119:11
Love your neighbor as yourself. - Matthew 22:39
Preach the good news to everyone. - Mark 16:15
I follow the example of Christ. - I Corinthians 11:1
Be kind to one another. - Ephesians 4:32
Call to me and I will answer you. - Jeremiah 33:3
The Lord bless you and keep you. - Numbers 6:24
Blessed are those who hear and obey God's Word. - Luke 11:28
We have confidence to talk to God. - 1 John 5:14
The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. - James 5:16b
Give thanks in everything, for this is the will of God. - 1 Thessalonians 5:18a
If we confess our sins, he will forgive us. - 1 John 1:9
Forgive our sins as we forgive others. - Matthew 6:12
How beautiful are the feet that bring good news! - Romans 10:1
Come to Jesus and rest. - Matthew 11:28
Jesus Christ is Lord. - Philippians 2:11

When I start a new verse, I read it to Z a few times. We talk about what the verse means for a few minutes. If I can, I try to make a rhythym out of it and/or use hand motions. The picture at the top shows a few of the flashcards I made. This was by far the most effective tool for Zachary--he asks me a few times a day to do his Bible verses with him. I need to laminate them, because they're already getting creased and wrinkled!

I hope this is helpful to someone else! If not, I had a great time typing this out & meditating on the verses. Does anyone else have any tips on Scripture memory for kids?

Updates! And...I have my life back.

2009-03-24T23:21:00.002-04:00

So. It's good to be back! I've had so much buzzing through my head, I'm not even sure where to start. :)

I would like to say that my family is completely well. But we're almost there! Down to one now...Kenna got diagnosed with RSV on Saturday. She was having some trouble breathing, coughing really bad, sleeping all the time (which was definitely not like her!), and not eating much, so we took her to the dr. to be safe. The dr said at that point she would either start to get a lot worse or a lot better--thankfully, she started to get better!! We had been praying for her as a family, and we were so happy to see her get better. None of us wanted her to have to be hospitalized, as is frequently the case with babies who get RSV.

Though we're happy she's on the mend, we still have to stick around the house this week so we don't spread these nasty germs to any other babies. I was moping about that at first, but it's turning out to be a blessing. I'm getting tons of stuff done and getting to spend lots of quality time with both kids.

On the sleeping front, it seems that Kenna has finally turned a corner in that department, too. It's been a long, hard road. And I honestly wish I could say that I had a hand in helping her learn how to sleep. But I can't. I did nothing different. One night, she just slept all night long. And the next day, she took three 2-hr naps....and slept through the night again. I held my breath...and she did it again. And again. For the last week now, I've gotten at least 6 hours of sleep each night. Most of those 6 hours have been uninterrupted. That hasn't happened since around January 1st, 2008--449 very long nights ago. :)

It's been hard for me. I can honestly say I have tried everything to get her to sleep. Every suggestion from every well-meaning friend & family member, every book (yes, Babywise!), every technique, every trick. Everything. And still, she woke up. And then, suddenly, one day, she just slept. All I am is thankful. Boy, am I thankful!

I feel like a new person. I'm enjoying all this time I finally get to spend with Zachary while Kenna is sleeping, and enjoying how happy my baby is. She's mostly over her RSV, almost done cutting her first tooth, and life is good. It's about the first time since she was born that I've truly been able to enjoy both my kids at the same time.

I'm hoping to get back on the blogging wagon, post more videos & pictures, and maybe even do a blog series on how I save $$ on groceries & some of my meal plans & recipes. I know that a lot of other blogs do this, but I've had a lot of my friends ask me how I do it (not how anyone else does it), so I'm thinking about this. If Kenna keeps up her sleeping habits....well, the sky's the limit!

Videos!

2009-03-24T22:52:00.002-04:00

Check out these videos I've finally found the time to upload! These are all within the last month.

Deep and true

2009-03-16T21:30:00.003-04:00

This past week marked the 5 year anniversary of our first loss through miscarriage, and the start of a journey I personally never thought I'd be on. I've been quiet the past few weeks, pondering some things in my heart, letting the Lord speak to me what He would, trying to find a way to put my feelings into words. And, as it turns out, I didn't have to. These three, beautiful, godly women did it for me.

What Does Grief Look Like at 17 Months ~~~~~ John Piper's daughter talking about dealing with grief over her daughter's stillbirth. I can relate to this in so many ways, though my losses were much earlier. This passage has moved me beyond words:
"I feel like I’ve fought it tooth and nail. But now I’m coming to more of a peace with it. I’m accepting it more. One of my dear friends through this process (who is older and wiser than me, thank God) shared with me recently about a grief she’d been facing in her life. Something she said really stood out to me. She told me, 'I’m gonna drink this painful cup all the way down, just drain it. And I’m gonna ask the Lord to make it something beautiful.' "
A Peace She Paid a Price For ~~~~~~~ So much in this post resonates with me. Though my battle has been different from Holley's, the peace she talks about is mine, just the same.

...It’s not the pansy, pie-in-the-sky, life-is-perfect peace. No, this is the kind of peace that comes after war. It’s the hard-won, show-you-my-scars, didn’t-think-I’d-live-to-tell-about-it, peace. It’s not gentle—it’s wild, fierce, and I’m not giving it up, not ever, because I paid too high a price to get it....
...There’s something beautiful about naming and knowing the place where you are in life. I could feel myself sigh inside and say, “Yes, that’s it.” This peace is mine and I can stay there as long as I’d like. I can eat the food, put my feet on the furniture, and invite my friends over.
It was once the land I fought for and pursued. Now it's the place where my heart lives.
It's good to be home.

There Really Ought to Be a Sign on my Heart ~~~~~~~ Now This. This is where I am today. Stephanie, you hit the bullseye for me.

I was struggling.
There are pieces of me that I bare so unabashedly. But those are just pieces. It's not all of me.
I couldn't find my happy place.
I could fall on my knees to pray but down there I was met with crumbs on the carpet and reminded again that I need to vacuum. Then I would just become sleepy.
Some days all I want is to be in a moment- any moment- that is uninterrupted.
There's only so much of me to go around. And I feel like I've been offering up first dibs to all the wrong people and things.
I remember thin and fake wood paneled walls in the upstairs of our old church. The plastic seats and prize bucket if you remembered your verse and brought a friend and your bible.
And this song written big and neat on poster board with colored smelly markers:
He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be,
He's still working on me.

"How loving and patient He must be!" I see so much more, am able to feel more compassion, because of my losses and disappointments. I'm starting to see the Big Picture now. It doesn't discount my feelings of grief, but rather, gives them a Purpose.

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1:11-12

Practice makes perfect!

2009-03-13T21:39:00.002-04:00

I have a lot mulling around inside me these days...it doesn't appear to want to make its way on this blog yet. The main reason is most likely the fact that I am completely incoherent and sleep-deprived. Oh, and drowning in laundry. Is that an illness? I think I might need an antibiotic for that one. One called..."maidpleasecometomyhouse-oxicillin." Or anything of that sort.

Last night was the first night in probably 3 weeks that I have gotten more than 45 minutes of sleep all together without being interrupted by either of my 2 adorable, lovable, beautiful children. We've been battling ear infections, sinus infections, upper respiratory infections...you name it, it's hit us. The Walmart pharmacy technicians know me by name--especially after visiting them so much getting my injectable drugs while I was pregnant, now I've been back so much in the last 2 weeks for the rest of my family. She just directs me on over to the register (thankfully, from the middle of that crazy long line of people to pick up their meds)...."Mrs. Stone, right over here." I'm thankful both that she knows my name and she understands the craziness of dealing with kids while you're waiting in the pharmacy. Either that, or she's just really tired of seeing me.

I do think, however, that Walmart has got it spot-on when it comes to the wait-times at the pharmacy. I think the waiting time is in direct correlation to purchases made/needed. Not enough revenue this week? "Ok, pharmacy, the wait time is now 45 minutes to 1 hour." That's how they get you. They know that we won't just sit there & wait for our medicine. We're going to wander aimlessly around the store and say "oh, I need that!" and "wait, this is really cool!" $30 later (not counting the prescription), you head home, and the Walmart manager can add a few more dollars to his sales that week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other thoughts, I've started entertaining more. Not like "dinner party" entertaining, but more like "hospitality" entertaining. In the last few months, I've seen the following passages of Scripture as I've been reading my Bible:

Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12:13

Offer hospitality without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:9

I've always had a problem with offering hospitality, and I'm not sure why. By hospitality, I mean opening up my home to others, sharing a meal, or just some good conversation. I know when I think it through logically, I have no problem sharing what I have. I think what it all boils down to for me is that I was afraid of a few things...afraid of being rejected when I offered, afraid that my rental home (which I can't decorate the way I'd like) is not "good enough" compared to others' homes, afraid that the quality of the meal or food I'd serve is not up to restaurant standards that most people are used to.

When I think about these reasons, I have to laugh at myself, because they do seem rather ridiculous. And the more I open up my home, the more I realize that many of us feel this way, and it keeps us all from "practicing hospitality." The more I offer, the more people accept, the more comfortable I feel.

I wonder what happened to the "good old days" before we had a restaurant on every corner. When we said, "Come on over after church for some soup & sandwiches," instead of "why don't you meet us at Subway?" Don't get me wrong, I enjoy eating out, but being forced to eat at home this last year has taught me a lot about what's really important. Plus, I just like my own food better now!

I wonder if we asked more, offered more...if others would accept more, feel more comfortable. If we aren't comfortable in/with our own houses, others won't be either. I'm learning to be proud of what is mine, make it mine as much as possible, and make it beautiful with what I have. Being frugal and living simply does not mean forsaking beauty. If Meredith at Like Merchant Ships has taught me anything over the last few months, it is that beauty can be found in anything and made out of almost nothing.

The next time you're tempted to ask someone else out to a restaurant, think about whether you could invite them over instead. Most of my very memorable experiences with friends or family growing up were not held at a restaurant, but in someone's home....sharing with them, laughing, arguing over who gets to do the dishes.

Wanna come over? I'll even do the dishes. Just this once.

A little less talk and a lot more.....pictures!

2009-03-03T22:15:00.004-05:00

Z loves to eat olives...I caught him after dinner one night eating right out of the can!

I promised you this picture a few weeks ago...this was my $100 grocery trip, using no coupons. Want to stick to a grocery budget? Easiest solution is to BRING ONLY CASH. If you don't have the $$, you can't buy it! Imagine that...

My 3 favorite people in the whole world. Looking good.... Little lady is starting to look like her daddy, I think!

I love this smile. Kenna is so strong! She will be 6 months next week; I can't believe it!! Last week, she started rolling over all the time. She had rolled over once on Christmas Eve, then nothing a week ago at the dr's office--she rolled over 3 times on the examining table! I'm gonna have to watch her all the time now...

Fuzzy head.

I love these cheeks. They're so kissable!! She loves to be kissed there, too--it just gets her laughing so hard!

Watching big brother do crazy stuff...

I went to Chicago & didn't take one picture of anything (I am so ashamed...). We had a fabulous time, just me & Kenna--we stayed with Celina & her fam. Celina's daughter Brenna is 2 months younger than Kenna, but they were about the same size! Kenna's just a little peanut...when I swipe some pics from C's camera, I'll post them here. We got some cute ones.

Z survived me being away for 4 days...he actually did worse once I got home. He wouldn't let me out of his sight EVER. Bedtime was a challenge, among other things. It was like the transition when I went from working full time to staying home full time. Just a little difficult!! But after a week, it's been much better. And I was still thankful to have had the time away!

Our life is so full and rich with love and laughter. We might not have a lot; we might have to cut a lot of corners in the budget; we might not have a lot of time to spend together. But I feel like the wealthiest woman in the world!!

Some kitchen tips

2009-03-02T08:28:00.002-05:00

Here are some things that make my life in the kitchen more enjoyable. (These aren't things that I've only read about, but I've actually tried all of them.) Hope they help you, too!

Bananas last longer when you take them apart from the bunch as soon as you get them home. This has saved me from having to think up reasons to make yet another loaf of banana bread. I usually get my bananas to last twice as long--always important when you shop only twice a month.
Celery will last at least a month (mine usually lasts about 6 weeks) if you take it out of the plastic bag, completely cover it with foil, and put it back in the plastic bag.
I cook & shred a lot of chicken to freeze for future meals. Usually 3 lbs at a time. One of the worst things in the world to me is having to shred meat with 2 forks--it takes forever! I just read a tip a few days ago, thankfully on the exact day I was cooking up some chicken to shred, and it's my new favorite! After cooking your chicken or any other boneless meat (and while still warm), put in a large bowl and use your hand mixer with regular beaters to shred it. I was skeptical of this when I read it, but I figured I didn't have much to lose...Best Tip Ever!! It took me about 2 minutes to shred 4 lbs of chicken, vs 30 minutes of tedious shredding with forks.
If you're cooking or baking your family's favorite meals or desserts.....Double the recipe and freeze the other half. This saves me so much prep time.
If your family likes meatloaf: I usually buy my ground beef in 5 lb rolls, because it's the cheapest. I go ahead & mix up a huge batch of meatloaf using all 5 lbs, then separate the raw mixture into 5 quart-sized freezer bags. Then I have meatloaf all mixed & ready to go. On the day I have planned to make meatloaf, all I have to do is take the bag out of the freezer, let it defrost, press it into the loaf pan (or muffin pan if I'm short on time), and bake.
If you make a lot of soup: My least favorite part of making soup is chopping the veggies. I prep & chop the following veggies & freeze in quart-sized freezer bags: carrots, celery, onions, zucchini, peppers. This makes soup prep so much easier! Plus, the veggies soften faster this way. One freezer bag per type of vegetable makes it easier to use in individual recipes, as well. I have not had good results freezing raw potatoes.

Well, that's all this tired brain could think up this morning! Hope you have a blessed day.

As overheard in Chicago O'Hare International airport...

2009-02-24T21:24:00.002-05:00

Extremely Irate Man to airline employee: "I don't understand why if the other airline employee could get on the plane to tell my traveling partner & ride home that I was going to miss the plane....why couldn't I just get on the plane?" (can't say that I blame him for being mad)

Airline employee at gate with microphone: "Now boarding to Winnipeg....all first class passengers, passengers needing special assistance, airline mileage plus passengers..." (you know ,that long list of people who get to go first?) 3 minutes go by. Same airline employee: "Now boarding Winnipeg section 1. Section 1 please come to the gate." 3 minutes go by. Same airline employee: "Does anyone really want to go to Winnipeg? I have a full flight but no one is in my line yet!!!" (this sounds really stupid now that I've typed it out, and it was super funny when it happened. Guess it was one of those "you had to be there" situations, or maybe I am just bad at telling stories. Or both. I am really bad at re-telling stories. I'd delete it now but I'm too lazy.)

This is my favorite. Old lady wife talking to old man husband, after quietly eating almost all of a sandwich that someone they were staying with made them: "I still can't tell whether this is ham or turkey."

Oh, and I didn't overhear this, I saw it: A mouse quietly scurry back and forth behind the gate counter a couple times. I'm not afraid of mice, but I was still impressed at the airline employee's ability to not scream out in panic.

Recipe swap time!

2009-02-19T14:13:00.003-05:00

I'm participating in the Ultimate Recipe Swap over at Life as Mom today. FishMama's post really got me thinking: what IS my signature recipe? I have so many things that I make, it's hard to pick one. But if I asked around, I think that Lasagna would win the prize.

I started making this when I was about 12, I think. We didn't eat lasagna much; as a family of 8 (half boys) you pretty much have to make 2 pans of it for it to last one meal. I remember asking my dad one time if we could have lasagna. He said, "Sure, if you make it!" So that was the beginning for me...

I started with a recipe from a cookbook, to be honest I can't even remember which one, and over the years have tweaked it. It's honestly nothing special, but it does taste yummy, and I don't think it requires that much extra work. Try it out & see what you think!

(I make this to fit in a 9x9 square pan; with my kids, we're just a family of 4 and can't eat a 13x9 pan--plus, I haven't quite perfected the ratio of ingredients for a larger pan)

Krista's Lasagna

10-12 lasagna noodles
1 lb ground beef
1 regular sized jar Ragu Tomato, Garlic, & Onion sauce (yes, this brand & flavor. It DOES make a difference & I really have to thank Ragu, because I think this sauce makes the lasagna awesome!)
16 oz shredded mozzarella cheese (I usually grate my own; whole milk tastes great but I usually use part-skim)
1 (15 oz) container whole milk ricotta cheese
1/4-1/2 cup milk
1/2 tsp basil
1/2 tsp oregano
salt/pepper

Boil water for the noodles, cook according to package directions. I do think it's important to cook your noodles first. Drain noodles & I usually rinse in cold water so they're easier to handle.
Brown ground beef & drain. Add jar of sauce (it will be thick).
In separate bowl, mix ricotta cheese with milk & spices (salt/pepper to taste) until consistency is thick but spreadable. You don't want it to be runny.
Get your 9x9 pan, put a small layer of sauce on the bottom. Place 4 lasagna noodles on the bottom (they'll overlap a bit and I do trim mine to fit the pan). Cover with a layer of meat sauce, then half the ricotta mixture, then a third of the mozzarella. Repeat noodles, sauce, ricotta, mozzarella.
Then one more layer of noodles and sauce. Top with remaining mozzarella.
Bake at 375 for about 35-45 minutes, until cheese is lightly browned & sauce is bubbling. This freezes very well, and I often make it ahead & refrigerate for cooking the next day.

We eat this with a salad or some great grilled vegetables and homemade garlic bread! Yummy!

Oh, I almost forgot! The best part of making this in a 9x9 pan is taking the ends of the noodles you trimmed and sopping up the last bits of the sauce & ricotta that didn't make it into the lasagna. My hubby & I are always fighting over these last bits of noodles!

Reflections over ramen noodles

2009-02-13T22:03:00.002-05:00

Just got home from grocery shopping, lugging it all up my hill to the house, bringing it in the house, setting it all up on the counter to take a picture (yes, I actually took a picture...just wait til I get it uploaded!), putting it all away, and now I'm really hungry.

I make myself a package of chicken flavored ramen noodles and I've had the following thoughts:

Although this is my favorite flavor of ramen noodles, it doesn't really taste like chicken. Come to think of it, it's never tasted like chicken.
I marvel at how many different ways there are to eat ramen noodles. Some crush up the whole package before they plunge the noodles into the water. Some people prefer their noodles to be unbroken. Some people like lots of liquid, very broth-y. Some people like it to be just noodles. I know people who make the noodles (no crushing allowed), then pour a bit of the seasoning packet over each bite, instead of adding the packet to the whole mixture. However, I feel the perfect way to make ramen noodles involves no crushing, almost no liquid, and all the seasoning mixed in. Nothing like a 17 cent bowl of noodles.
Why is it that I can never eat this "perfect" bowl of noodles without slurping the liquid somewhere outside my bowl? (yes I realize this could be fixed by crushing the noodles...)
I was probably around 9 or 10 years old at the time. My mom started working at this restaurant, and she needed someone to watch all five of us kids (my youngest sister only a glimmer in God's eye at this point). Someone (either desperate or crazy, still not sure) who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent....took my mom up on it. So every afternoon that my mom worked, our bus would drop us after school at her trailer. She had 2 nice children, and we always had a blast over there. She always said funny things like she was going to "redd up" the living room. Anyway...we would have our afternoon snack over there on occasion. She liked to purchase ramen noodles for her children. This was not an item that we ate at home, so it was one of those "treats" for us. We would beg her and beg her to make us some ramen noodles, and I distinctly remember her telling us they were too expensive. So I've been pondering tonight. If I paid 17 cents for this package of noodles, how much less must they have been almost 20 years ago? And they were too expensive? Hmm.
I only eat ramen noodles about 4 times a year. Unless I'm pregnant, and then there's no telling how many times I eat them!

That's all for tonight, you guys have been great!........

Midnight

2009-02-13T00:40:00.002-05:00

I'm falling in love with God's Word all over again. Here are some verses from Psalm 119 that are speaking to me. Maybe they'll minister to your heart, too.

119:18 Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.

119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

119:32 I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.

119:37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

119:55 In the night I remember your name, O Lord, and I will keep your law.

119:60 I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.

119:62 At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.

119:114 You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.

119:147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.

119:148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.

119:165 Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.

119:176 I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.

Smiles & a PB 'n J

2009-02-10T22:09:00.004-05:00

I'm finally getting in the habit of taking more pictures again....Enjoy!

(Z got tired of waiting for us to fix him lunch on Sunday so he decided to fix his own PB & J!)

Steeler Nation

2009-02-01T20:03:00.003-05:00

Just a few more members of the Steeler Nation supporting their team! Zach saw this balloon at Kroger the other day & we had to get it for the Big Game. And check out his new hoodie, $3 at a consignment store, courtesy of my friend Melissa. Thanks, girl!

Sorry that this next one is blurry. We just realized our camera has a self-timer. I've got to figure out how to make it focus, but we just didn't have time tonight before the kids went to bed. Sad to say this is only our second family picture taken since Kenna was born. We've got to get better at that!

Did you notice Z picking his nose? Typical. And you might not be able to see it well, but Kenna is also sporting her Steelers bib over her jammies.

Usually by Super Bowl time, I'm fed up with being a football widow....but even this football widow is excited about their team playing in the Super Bowl! We enjoyed some special snacks & things we don't normally eat--eating in the living room makes it fun for Z, too!

1:59

2009-02-01T11:55:00.001-05:00

Is when I started crying.

I don't know that I will be able to get this out of my mind, nor do I want to.

Funny. And serious.

2009-01-30T23:37:00.003-05:00

We were driving in the car yesterday morning, and Zachary was pretending to be a baby.

(Background: When I was pregnant with Z, a coworker nicknamed me "pooch" since I had a really cute little pooched out belly. That is, until I hit 22 weeks & couldn't stop from eating...it all went downhill from there. So, Marc decided to continue the tradition of "pooch" when I was pregnant with Kenna--he always told Z "Kenna's in the pooch.")

Back to the story. So Z was pretending to be a baby, then he said "Mom, I was in the pooch when I was a baby just like Kenna was." I said, "Yes, buddy, you were." Then Z said, "Mom, then I got in my helicopter & I flew right out of the pooch!"

I wish it would have been that easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Signs of Southernness:

Me, after hearing Z rummage around in the kitchen: "Z-man, whatcha doing over there?"

Z: "Mom, I'm just fixin' ta use the mixer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some of Z's favorite new "big boy" things he can do now:

He pees standing up. This one is just weird for me. You know, never having stood up to pee & all that. But he sure is proud of it.
He drinks from a regular cup all the time.
He can get his own spoon of peanut butter. This one--a bit dangerous. Nothing like finding a spoon of peanut butter on the couch when you sit down. Hasn't happened yet, but I can see it coming...
He can almost dress himself all the way. And not a moment too soon, as far as I'm concerned.
He has such an imagination. He says all the time, "Mom, I'm going to get in my ambulance, and drive to Lowe's (his favorite store), and take back your blue chopper & your white mixer and get a white chopper & a black mixer." First of all....he'd make great time getting to Lowe's. Second....when did this kid learn about returning stuff to the store? I think I've only returned 1 thing in his presence.
He can out-talk any girl or woman I know. With real, actual conversation. Marc said yesterday Z woke him up by talking. Marc timed it & Z talked for 6 minutes straight without stopping. And you wonder why I need a few hours off... :)
He loves God. He's learned 3 Bible verses (with references)...and can actually tell you how they apply to his life. My favorite is hearing him say, "God loves me SOOO much He sent His Son Jesus. John Free Sixteen." When you think about it, I guess it really is "John Free Sixteen." Doesn't get any "free-er" than that.
He knows what ingredients go in whatever we're baking. I asked him, "How do we make chocolate chip cookies?" He says, "Butter, sugar, eggs...then vanilla. Flour...." Have I mentioned how in love I am?
When asked what music he'd like to listen to, he chooses from the following: Praise the Lord music (otherwise known as Crystal Lewis "A Joyful Noise" kids CD), Sara Groves (yes, he actually says Sara Groves!), Zachary's music (a concoction of classical music, mostly the soundtrack from the movie Rudy), or Mosh Music (Stavesacre...Christian alternative).

I just know you love him more now that you know all this stuff! Right?

Now I lay me down to sleep...

2009-01-30T23:29:00.003-05:00

"...I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

Oh, and God? Please help me remember the following picture in a few years when my brother won't stop tormenting me. Thanks."

He is a beautiful little thing, isn't he? (He was copying me--I use a headband like this when I exercise. You should see him copying me exercise--even funnier!)

Let's get real.

2009-01-28T23:31:00.001-05:00

I'm on an adventure. A journey, if you will. Come, walk with me.

I think it's gonna be a blast.

Chocolate Zucchini Cake

2009-01-27T15:41:00.002-05:00

One of our favorite ways to use up zucchini before it goes bad. (Not necessarily the healthiest, though!)

Chocolate Zucchini Cake

1/2 c butter or margarine
1/2 c oil
1 & 3/4 c sugar
~~Cream the above well~~
Add 2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 c sour cream or buttermilk (I also use milk in a pinch)

In a separate bowl, mix the following dry ingredients:
2 & 1/2 c all purpose flour
4 Tbsp cocoa powder
1 & 1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt

Grate 2 medium zucchini (washed & don't peel it); you should end up with around 2 cups grated zucchini.

Add dry ingredients & zucchini alternately to creamed butter/sugar mixture until well blended. Add 1/2 package chocolate chips to batter & mix well.

Pour batter into 9x13 pan. Top with 1/4-1/2 bag chocolate chips. Bake in 350 degree oven for 40-45 min or until toothpick comes out clean.

I often use a 9x9 pan; bake for around 50-60 min, checking often for doneness.

Laugh it up

2009-01-26T21:14:00.003-05:00

I'm finally uploading some videos from my new FLIP video camera. It does take awhile to upload, so I've been putting it off.

Here is Marc getting Kenna to laugh a bit.

And (if I remember correctly!) this video is of Z getting Kenna to laugh. She's just started laughing in the past few weeks & it's still hit & miss--we never know what's going to tickle her!

A good deal

2009-01-23T15:26:00.002-05:00

On a whim, I swung by the KARM thrift store on the way home today. Look at this! A beautiful, 3-story dollhouse for my daughter (complete with pieces, including that cool grand piano at Z's left):

(I say daughter because my son is pictured here. Cut him some slack--it's a new toy. Anyone would be excited. Plus someone has to play with it til Kenna gets older, right?)

And check out that price tag: $9.99! I believe this originally retailed for somewhere around $65-$70. Even better: When I got up to the checkout, they had me draw a ticket for a % off my bill for a customer appreciation event they were having. Boy, was I appreciative--I got a 25% discount! So this beauty cost me a whole $7.50.

Just had to share that great deal with all of you! Thanks for indulging me.

Kielbasa Soup

2009-01-22T09:08:00.003-05:00

I'm participating in a Comfort Food recipe swap over at Life as Mom. Head over there & check out some of the recipes!

This is probably my hubby's most favorite thing that we eat. It's one of the few soup recipes that I cook all through the year & not just during the fall/winter. Hope you enjoy!

Kielbasa Soup (makes 6 servings)

1/2 lb fully cooked kielbasa, diced
6 med potatoes, peeled & cubed
2 c frozen corn
1 can chicken broth (about 2 cups)
1 celery rib, sliced
2 carrots, peeled & sliced
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 1/2 cups milk
2/3 c shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 tsp dried parsley (or 1 tsp minced fresh parsley)

In a large saucepan, brown kielbasa, drain. Set kielbasa aside. In the same pan, combine potatoes, corn, broth, celery, carrot & seasonings. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover & simmer for 15 minutes or until veggies are tender. Add milk, cheese, parsley and kielbasa. Cook & stir over low heat until cheese is melted & soup is heated through. (Be careful not to boil after adding cheese/milk or the cheese will separate.)

This is actually the first time I have looked at the recipe card in a really long time. I usually just use however much of each of these ingredients I have on hand & I always make a double batch because it goes fast. It's a really flexible recipe!

A few links...

2009-01-20T17:06:00.002-05:00

I love these posts about helping me to deal with my 3 year old... Learning with Preschoolers and Activities to Try with Preschoolers from Keeper of the Home
My new favorite blog: Joy the Baker. Seriously, people. If you like food even a little, you're going to love this. I have so many new recipes to try...oh, and the pictures!!!
Two more of my favorite websites: Life as Mom and Simple Mom. If you don't put anything else in your blog reader, these are the ones!
If you're bored, or your children are bored, or your husband is bored....well, this is the one for you. Provides plenty of entertainment! A Lego A Day
Two new recipes I can't wait to try from Pioneer Woman: Crash Hot Potatoes and Cinnamon Rolls

I could go on and on, but I won't. Gotta get supper finished up! (oh, and I've been collecting these over weeks, ok? this is not the result of my web browsing for today...otherwise my kids would be dirty & hungry & tired!)

And another thing...if you like any of these, let me know, would you? I know it's easy to lurk & not comment, but comments are SO fun!! You can always comment anonymously.

Sweet Apples

2009-01-15T17:49:00.001-05:00

Wash

Peel

Cut

Chomp, chomp, chomp

"Mom, let me see your apples." (Mom opens mouth.)

"Wanna see my apples?" (Son opens mouth.)

~~Sweet moments only a mother can appreciate.

Biggest Loser makes me weepy

2009-01-13T22:53:00.003-05:00

Although, I think I was weepy before I started watching the Biggest Loser. Unusual, since I'm never weepy unless I'm pregnant. And no, I'm not pregnant. I'm like 99% sure.

I struggle. Just wanted to put that out there. Sometimes you can look at other blogs & think "man, they seem to have it all together--why can't I be more like her?" I've decided a little reality check is in order. It's natural to want to put your best face forward. But sometimes, it's good to let your guard down. To let people know that it's not always perfect. My laundry is usually never caught up, I leave the dishes in the sink til morning (gasp), and yes, I am that woman who cleans her bathrooms a few minutes before guests arrive. I hope I haven't disappointed you.

But the truth is, what I want my children to remember about me is not that the house was always clean or that they never had to search for clean socks, but that I was always available to play with them, read stories, go outside. I'm not the best at this...dirty dishes often win over a cuddle on the couch, and sometimes I do mumble "yeah, that was so cool!" without looking when my son says "Mom, watch this!" for the hundredth time that day. But I'm trying, and learning, and growing every day to be a better mom.

**beep, beep beep**We interrupt this broadcast to let you know that the author of this blog is now feeling 105% better. We now return to your regular programming.**beep, beep beep**

I just had the most wonderful video conversation (if you can call laughing your heads off a conversation) with my sisters via Tokbox. Nothing like a few smiles across the smiles to make all the weepiness disappear forever. And a surprise chainsaw...

My deepest apologies to all you women out there with no sisters. There's just nothing like it in the whole, wide world.

Yesterday

2009-01-10T07:44:00.002-05:00

A few pictures to round out our week. Well, it just rounds out yesterday. :) Our week was a little crazy with a virus that went around, but thankfully we're all feeling better. Kenna is cutting her first tooth, though. Poor baby!

Z playing around with our suitcase. I really need to put it back in the closet since we haven't gone anywhere after our Christmas trip. But, hey, at least it's unpacked, right?

Doesn't he look SO huge & grown up here? I'm wishing I could freeze time...

Kenna Boo having tummy time. She is getting so strong! She hasn't been smiling too much since she started teething, so this is the best we get. So stonefaced...

Z got these stickers from a birthday party he attended last week. I left the room for a minute & came back to find him doing this:

She's just looking at me as if to say, "Make him stop, Mom!"

K girls come to visit

2009-01-03T16:33:00.004-05:00

I got to spend a day with my mom & sisters...it was awesome!

Here's one of Kenna finally sitting in her Bumbo. I think it's cute how she's got her arm resting on the side like it's an armchair!

Kenna chatting it up with Grandma Memere...love all those smiles!

Kenna enjoys her first time coloring with Grandma. She really held the crayon by herself. Gotta love that grasping reflex that babies have! I think this picture is one worth framing.

Zach got bored while we were coloring, so he hid in the mountain of dirty laundry and said he was "taking a nap." Funny how he doesn't want to take a nap when it's really time...

My friend sent the kids these "Cozy Cookies" for Christmas. My kids just love them! Here, we caught Kenna on camera getting some use out of Zachary's! Z named his "Fred" and my mom called Kenna's "Ginger."

Here is the fruit of our coloring labor....I wish you could see these in person, they're too cool!

My sister Katie with Kenna--a great picture!

And Katie with both kids--another framer.

On the eve

2009-01-03T16:22:00.002-05:00

I think we're on our way to having more established New Years' traditions than Christmas traditions! :) I've decided that it's just okay.

Here's a cute picture of Kenna talking/laughing to Marc...I love how big her smiles are now! Marc said he's going to start calling her "Patches" since her baby hair is falling out in chunks. She sure looks funny & probably will until the new blond hair grows in!

Baby feet. They're just too cute!

On New Year's Eve, we always have appetizers for dinner and chocolate fondue. Yummy! This year, we added a new tradition that I saw on Life as Mom: A cake to celebrate the birth-day of the New Year. FishMama also has lots of great ideas on this post to help us celebrate New Year's with kids. I can't wait to try the Garlic-Brie Bread next year...

Zachary was SUPER excited to make this cake, even more excited about the numbers on it, and unbelievably more excited about blowing out the candles all by himself. I think we may have some trouble when Kenna is able to understand...hopefully he'll be better at sharing then!

White Christmas

2009-01-03T16:06:00.002-05:00

So Christmas Eve night, we decided to be crazy & drive to see some of our old friends, Dave & June & kids, in Naperville/south Chicago...we left at 9:30 Christmas Eve night after attending our first Christmas Eve service ever and enjoying a wonderful meal with some friends. We drove all through the night, the kids did awesome, and we made it there in 8 hours! With the time change, we ended up waking our friends at 4:30 am...poor Dave & June! Their kids slept til 8 but we woke them so early.

**Side note: Marc & I have been, um, "discussing" the commencement of yearly Christmas traditions for our family. Since we've been married, we've never done the same thing every year, and I wanted to start establishing some small traditions now that we have kids. He graciously agreed to them...but since we decided to drive to IL at the last minute, the only one we squeaked in was attending the Christmas Eve service. Guess the joke's on me. Maybe our holiday tradition is to not have any traditions & to be spontaneous?

I was a horrible mom & didn't take the usual "opening the presents" pictures. But at least I got a few of our friends & the kids later that day.

This is our new "Grandpa" holding Kenna. (Grandpa is June's Dad....he was a breath of fresh air. We SO enjoyed getting to meet him and he felt like family to us!)

Marc pulling Zachary on the sled. He kept asking to go outside every half hour. He loves the snow! It rained the day after Christmas & didn't stop...we followed the rain all the way home to TN a few days later. We were glad that we didn't miss the snow & that Z got to have another White Christmas!

Dave/June's daughter, Lydia, holding Kenna. She was such a sweet babysitter (so was her brother Micah), and she made that hat she's wearing with a cool knitting kit she got for Christmas. She graciously allowed me to make one, too--it was so fun! I think I'd like to make knitting my new hobby. After I finish all the other half-completed hobbies over the last 4 years...

We are so thankful for our friends & for the great, relaxing Christmas we had with them!

The Whole Thing

2009-01-01T10:32:00.003-05:00

Well, Happy New Year! I guess that has to be said since this is the first day of the year, and that's the kind of thing that just can't be skipped over. I certainly am glad it's a New year. I always like a chance to start over, make things better, see some change in my life.

I'm not one to make "resolutions" per se, but at every New Year I do like to look at where I am and where I'm going, and where I should be going if I'm not headed the right direction. You can't really figure out what needs to change until you take a good, hard look at where you really are.

And, frankly, I don't like what I see. I mean, yes, there are some good things I've done, and hard places I've walked through, and I've "kept the faith," and all that. But I think that 2009 for me is going to be a year of personal change. A year where I really let the Lord do in me what He's been dying (and died) to do years ago.

Hard things like Forgiveness, True Love, "It's not about me," and more along that line. I'm extremely tired of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing me with glimpses of Christ. I want to see Christ and only Him. I want Him to have my heart, all of it. To be truly yielded...

I took a marriage "class" in my weekly mom's group this fall. Thinking, I'm sure somewhere deep down (if I'm really honest with myself), that I've really got it all together and all the things I don't like about my marriage have nothing to do with me & everything to do with my spouse needing to change. Talk about needing to look in the mirror...! :)

But I'm convinced what really happened is what needed to happen all along, and thankfully, what the Lord knew....that I need to change. I need to be broken, I need to love unconditionally, I need to change, I need to pray more, I need to love bigger, I should give a little more and take a little less.

I realized that I don't know if I've truly loved anyone unselfishly in my entire life. Everything I've ever done, even in the name of Love, has been for Me. Deep down, I can admit that. And now that I know where I'm starting (at the bottom!), I know where I can begin again. Loving with no thought to how much love I'll get in return. Giving with no thought of what I will get back.

I'll leave you with the words to a song that hit me over the head like a 2x4 this morning:

Loving A Person
by Sara Groves and Gordon Kennedy

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It takes some time to see things through
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying
It's a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby
Only one makes you free

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense
We're going to find it
If we go looking for real love
We're going to find it

Loving the person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It's the whole thing

"Only one makes you free..."

A Christmas Eve Milestone...

2008-12-24T13:58:00.001-05:00

She rolled over! Both Mommy & Daddy were watching, so that was cool. I kept trying to get her t0 do it on video; but she only will if the video is not playing. Silly girl!

My 100th post and a Merry Christmas song

2008-12-23T22:40:00.001-05:00

Kinda cheesy, but I actually enjoyed this music...

Straight No Chaser - 12 Days of Christmas

I don't get no satisfaction

2008-12-23T13:51:00.002-05:00

All the women who read this blog will probably understand what I'm about to say easier than the men. Not trying to be stereotypical or anything, but it's a plain fact of life that men & women are very different in pretty much every way.

For those men reading who don't "get it," :) women are 99% emotional creatures. We crave the relational response, and when we don't have that in our lives, we feel empty, lost, frustrated, etc. Typically when a woman says "I don't even know why I'm crying (hurt, upset, depressed, etc)," that's what she's talking about. There's an emotional hole that is empty somewhere.

So yesterday, I found myself irritable all day. Nothing I could really put my finger on, it was just plain "yuck." Add that to the discovery that we had no hot water, so I couldn't take a shower, and my kids who hadn't had a bath since Wednesday night couldn't get clean either. So I can't do dishes, laundry, the list goes on and on. You name it, it aggravated me!

Now Marc has been super busy with work this last week due to the holidays. We haven't had a "real" conversation in about a week or so. After we did some rushing around getting dinner out & last minute stuff, we found ourselves home with the kids in bed & a little bit of free time. He was having some rare time to himself at the computer, and I made the comment, "How long are you going to be doing that? I'm emotionally starving over here!"

Now I wasn't totally serious, and we had a good chuckle...then we settled down to have some good conversation. The only problem for me, was, I was getting the emotional attention I craved, but still feeling like there was something I just couldn't put my finger on. I was enjoying our chat, but it just didn't satisfy me. (Poor husbands....they have it so hard. I mean, if I couldn't even figure it out, how is he supposed to figure it out?)

That's when I heard that still, small voice in my ear: "You're not satisfied because only I can give you what you need right now." It was so profound that I made the comment to Marc, "I think I just need to have a good chat with God instead." Later on, as I was having some quiet time, I came across this passage of Scripture:

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live....Isaiah 55:1-3

Satisfaction. I had never before really understood this passage, though I've read it many times. "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters..." "Listen, listen to me..." "Hear me, that your soul may live..."

Come and get your satisfaction. It never disappoints.