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In the stillness,

You are there.

I want to be there, too.

A few of my favorite things

My husband's face when he gets a brand new atlas.

Baby Emmy snuggled up on my chest once she finally surrenders to sleep.

Zach, hair all rumpled, tripping over his feet into my room at 11:15 pm to tell me he had a bad dream, that "the moon gave special powers to his green night light and it turned into a white night light." I hope that's as scary as his dreams ever get.

Tucking him in, praying over him, rubbing his head until he falls asleep just like my mom used to do for me. Closing my eyes and feeling her hand gently on my own head once again...

Kenna's scrunched up little face saying very distinctly, "no, I don't!" to anything she doesn't like or doesn't want you to do. And then smiling so wide that you instantly forget what she just said to you.

My work laptop back from the dead, miraculously healed with no files missing after a dreadful battle with my glass of Mr. Pibb. I've been teased this week about naming my laptop. I think I shall call her "Lazarus."

Getting good news about a friend out of surgery.

Realizing that life doesn't consist of the stuff I have. It is what I am and Who I know. It is the life I pour into others that will forever make a difference. And the knowing that generations will reap what I sow...I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those I will never know.

That song from Sara Groves that I just quoted. :)

Crispy, soft, cheesy, melty hashbrowns from Schwans, made with love by my love of 11 years. No one makes 'em better.

Finding fulfillment in where you are in life, no matter if it's where you thought you would be.

Realizing that I can still do anything I set my mind to. And at 30, I still have my whole life ahead of me, God willing.

Date nights, trying new foods, laughing, slurping up Sonic drinks together.

My life is full. My heart is full. I am blessed.

More power to ya

Have you seen that silly commercial for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!? "Turn the tub around..." That's what I feel this week has been for me. Turn it all around for better. Cheesy, yes. True, also yes.

This week I had one of the hardest days of parenting and life. A day I didn't think I would make it through. A day where extremely harsh words were spoken by a tired momma to her frustrated children. Milk was spilled, tears were spilled. A day where (I am sure) my staff IM'd each other something like "watch out!" Not my finest moment.

A few days before, I had spent some time in reflection and decided that I really haven't been spending enough time reading God's Word (read: have hardly opened my Bible in several weeks). I know I have all sorts of excuses, a new baby being one of them. But I've noticed some weakness lately. I easily yell at the kids, quickly snap an undeserved comment to my husband, cranky and irritable. Sure, I could be getting more sleep, but that's never a guarantee in this phase of life.

So I decided that I was going to not read any fiction books during the month of December. I wanted to be able to use whatever reading time I had available to meditate on Scripture and bring my heart back to health. "O taste and see that the Lord is good." "How sweet are your words to my mouth, like a honeycomb." I've done this exercise before, and usually the first several days are more like discipline. Hard, dry, a little painful. (I decided to start a few days early, since I obviously needed some help, fast!)

But, oh, the sweetness of the Word of God for me! My spirit soaked up His Word like a desert in the springtime rains. Little pieces of wisdom, tucked away for another moment. I love His Word. So true, so pure, so just.

I've been thinking alot about my weakness and what it can do to show God's strength to the world. Sure, we all have bad days, but it's what we do with our rough edges that can bring glory to His Name.

Loving this old Petra song this week:
(Lyrics by Bob Hartman)

You say you've been feeling weaker, weaker by the day
You say you can't make the joy of your salvation stay
But good things come to them that wait
Not to those who hesitate
So hurry up and wait upon the Lord

More power to ya
When you're standing on His word
When you're trusting with your whole heart in the message you have heard
More power to ya
When we're all in one accord
They that wait upon the Lord, they shall renew, they shall renew their strength

Jesus promised His disciples He'd give strength to them
Jesus told them all to tarry in Jerusalem
When they were all in one accord
The power of His Spirit poured
And they began to turn the world around

So be strong in the Lord, in the power of His might
Put on all His armor and fight the good fight
In all of our weakness, He becomes so strong
When He gives us the power and the strength to carry on

Hideouts

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 90:1

Fathers make the best forts, don't you think?

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:9

...For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27:5

Shortcuts

It's 6 a.m. and my body wants to go back to sleep. This little sweetie slept from 8:45 p.m. until 5:15 a.m., when I had to wake her up to feed her. All you nursing moms can sympathize with me! :) The good news is that I slept from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. The longest sleep I've had since last January!!

Lately, I've been trying to train myself to look for the good, to "in everything give thanks." Not just because it's Thanksgiving time, but because it's good for my soul.

Yesterday after work, we had to venture downtown to visit the courthouse. I'm not even sure I can properly explain what I was after, but it was some piece of paper affidavit that basically said I didn't live in Monongalia County, WV, in 2008. Apparently, in order to renew your license plate & get that little sticker of approval, one has to have this document to prove you have paid all your personal property taxes.

So, in WV, you have to pay personal property taxes on homes, mobile homes, boats, RVs, vehicles, and dogs. Yes, there is a dog tax. What's up with that? Good thing I didn't get a dog last Christmas like I wanted...

Back to the thankfulness thing: So we were headed downtown to the courthouse, which was open until 7 on Mondays. I didn't really want to go (who ever wants to go do this kind of stuff?), but having only one car makes you do things you don't want to do at times you don't want to do them. Since all the WVU students were gone for Thanksgiving break, the traffic downtown was pleasantly light and we found the street easily. And just as easily passed the courthouse...so we had to turn around.

Of course, almost every street is one way so it was quite the trek to make it back to where we were and then we got stuck on some "major" side road where not even 1 car made it through each traffic light. No joke. I found myself getting seriously frustrated and had one of those moments where I say things that I regret about 15 minutes later. I actually told my husband he's not allowed to take shortcuts in WV because this place is stupid and every shortcut he takes ends in disaster or a 20 minute extra drive. And even though it's true--this is not the first time he's tried a "shortcut"--it should not have been said. Especially out loud. So I apologized to him and said "well, what can I be thankful about instead?" He said with a smile, "nothing--just be bitter." Crazy man! He always knows how to make me laugh...I LOVE that about him! But bitter isn't better.

If you've ever visited my town, you'll know that there is no point in thinking about shortcuts. Yes, it might look like that small little road will cut through the mountainy-windy roads so that you don't have to go 2 miles to technically go half a mile. But it won't work, not ever. Each time I've tried to "cut through" somewhere or take a turn early because the traffic lights were backed up, it has ended in disaster. One way streets, one way alleys that appear to be streets, crazy triangular intersections...

And I wonder if that doesn't have a parallel to the rest of my life, too. It's so easy to want to take shortcuts. To get frustrated with the bumper to bumper traffic, the day to day "kids-are-screaming-who-wants-dinner-who-forgot-to-take-something-out-of-the-freezer-guess-we'll-have-to-drive-to-McDonalds" craziness. I get tired of waiting in lines, tired of waiting for my dreams to happen in God's timing, and I just want OUT, now. So I take some back road that looks like it will go where I want. Only it doesn't go there, and now I'm stuck in a bigger mess and it takes me twice as long to get back where I started.

When life gets hard, I'm going to try not to take a shortcut. I want to be in this place in my life until I've learned everything God has designed for me to learn...to drink deep the cup He has given me. Does this early morning rambling make any sense to you? If not, just know I'm going to be okay.

Happy Tuesday...

Time is....ticking away

At church today, our pastor started a sermon series called "Rust." He took the title from Matthew 6, the passage that says "Don't store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven..." Not an exact quote but I'm too lazy to get my Bible out at the moment!

Pastor ___ (believe it or not I actually just forgot my pastor's name) was talking about (Oh yeah it's Tim! Sorry...), well he was talking about how awesome it is that God allows us to use physical/earthly things to build up that treasure in heaven. And not only that, but he commands us to build up treasure there. Kinda seems like the opposite of what we've always been taught, not to "hoard" and stuff...

He said we'll be talking about several ways to use earthly means to build up this heavenly treasure--this week we talked about: 1 guess...TIME. A little ironic that I just had this on my heart (yesterday's blog)? I think not! Proof positive that God speaks to you anywhere, anyway, anyhow. He CARES about you and me!!! It's so amazing.

The sermon pretty much cracked me up, because it was almost word for word what God had said to me last night during my whining. Pastor Tim talked about 3 misconceptions we have when it comes to TIME. I'd like to share them with you because I think they were awesome.

1. We don't have ENOUGH time. The truth is, we all get the same amount of time in our day. We might not have the same number of days in our lives, but we all get the same 24 hours...and we have enough time to do the things God has called us to do. It's a matter of us making those things a priority, and where I use my time shows the world what I really value to be important.
2. It's OUR time. The days and weeks we have do not belong to us. We were bought with a price (1 Cor 6:20). We were saved to live for Christ (2 Cor 5:14-15)...so the hours we use to fill our days should be used to honor God.
3. We'll have MORE time. It's an easy thing to forget that our lives are fleeting...everyone is appointed to die and no one knows when that time will be. We need to understand what the Lord's will is and then be under the influence of God's Spirit. (James 4:15, Eph 5:15-18)

Then he did this illustration (This is originally by Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and this video is of him, I believe) that proves that when you fill your day with the Big Rocks first (Big Rocks being The Important Things That Matter for Eternity)...you'll always have enough room for the little rocks (all the day to day things that absolutely must get done--eating, sleeping, cleaning, working, etc). I've seen the illustration more than once, but it always amazes me to see it again. Stephen Covey talks about other, more work-related stuff, but the same application can be used when thinking about eternal vs earthly stuff.

I've definitely been struggling with time management lately. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed, honestly, when I think about the demands on my time or my day. But I've started really asking God for help and I'm trying to fit the Big Rocks in first. Time with God, time with Marc, time with kids, work, rest. Everything else I'm just fitting into the holes left over. It's not perfect and I don't do it right every day...but what a difference already!

And for fun, I leave you with this video. Because I know all of you DC Talk fans immediately thought of it anyway when you read my blog title.

The first song is Walls, but skip to 2:25 to get that great song we all remember...

A normal day

I love these quiet, "normal," Saturdays. Emily started the day off right by sleeping through the night, from 10:45 pm to 7:30 am. And then she ate & went right back to sleep at 8:30, didn't wake up til 11. Now that's the kind of napping I'm talking about! :)

I had a blissful morning with my 2 oldest children. We watched cartoons, ate cinnamon rolls, played games, read books. And then watched some more TV and snuggled on the couch. I love having "big people" conversations with my 5 year old--it's hilarious! Zach got me to watch "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" for the first time with him. Also hilarious! Just thinking about a spaghetti tornado makes me giggle a little bit.

I took my first step toward a skinnier me last night: I sat down on the couch and thought, "You know, all I'd have to do is get out the Shred DVD and put on my sneakers." And then I thought, "but then I'd be up all night because I'd be stimulated by the exercise." And then, "No, you wouldn't be awake, you'd be exhausted--remember the last "first time" with Jillian?" On the other hand, "yes, I do remember. I'll do it tomorrow." So...I still have yet to break out the Shred. One day soon. My pants are begging me...

Our TV is on the fritz. The volume keeps cutting out and you have to turn the TV off and then back on in order to get it to work. Sometimes once a minute. It's starting to get annoying to say the least. The frugal person deep inside tells me that if it dies, we can live without TV. And even though I absolutely know that is true, I'm not sure if it's fair to do to my children this winter. We'll see what happens!

If you find yourself in need of a jumpstart in life, here's some advice: Just do the next thing. I read this on a blog a few years ago and although it's succinct and rather unmotivating, it really works. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with all the tasks I have to do or the lack of sleep, I just do the next thing, whatever that is. Usually it's dishes. Sometimes it's making my bed. That one little thing prompts me to do everything else because it doesn't make sense to only make the bed...you've got to pick up the dirty clothes from the floor because then the bed looks stupid all made up in a dirty room. See what I mean?

My favorite things to do first thing in the morning (when I'm not working, so right now this is just for the weekends) are:

1. Get myself ready--wash, dress, etc. This also includes any quiet time I get to have, although my quiet time is mostly at night lately.
2. Make the bed.
3. Start a load of laundry.
4. Put away the dishes from the dishwasher and load it up with whatever's dirty.
5. Read a book with the kids.

Someday my everydays will look like this, but for now I'll take it on the weekends! You'd think I could accomplish this list rather quickly but having 3 kids makes it pretty challenging. There are all sorts of things you do that you don't even realize in between those bullet points!

Do you ever have a seriously long whiny session with yourself about "why" you don't have time to do all the things you want to do? I just did. I actually typed it all out here, ready to whine to the internet world about my life a little. And then I read back over it like I usually do to make sure there were no typos or weirdly placed words...and I realized: You could be doing something different right now if you chose. And you could have been doing something different 30 minutes ago when you wasted time watching that Seinfeld re-run you've seen a few times already.

It's a little sobering to realize that I probably do have more time than I think, but I waste a lot of it doing things that are "good" but not "best" for this stage in my life. I'm going to need to do some serious soul-searching soon... (this is completely off topic but I just love the alliteration of that phrase "some serious soul-searching soon"--I am so goofy!)

Now that I'm losing my audience, I think I'll sign off. It's Saturday night here, Sunday afternoon for my friends across the ocean. Everyone enjoy the rest of your weekend!!