Before noon

I was walking in to work this morning from my car across the parking lot…it is cold and rainy and I shivered. And then I thought, “Was Jesus cold on the cross? Did He even feel the temperature amidst all the other pain?” Oh, how He suffered. For me. I’ve been reading the story in Matthew; this year it seems to pierce me through and through all that He went through. The mocking, the torture. The sleepless night before, praying, “…but not my will be done. Your will be done.” Knowing early the next morning all that He would endure.

He was crucified before noon. Not sure why that never struck me before. Even the revolutionaries crucified on either side of him mocked him, Matthew says. People walked by Him and said, “if you are the Son of God, rescue Yourself!” He was so unconcerned with His own reputation, His own name. He honored His Father with His obedience, even to death on a cross. At noon, darkness fell. For three hours, it was dark…Jesus felt the rejection of His Father. “why have you abandoned me?” And yet He obeyed, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame.

After that, He shouted and released His spirit. The curtain tore in two, the earth shook, rocks split apart, and tombs opened. Godly people who were dead came out of the cemetery and appeared to people in the city. And the people said, “this man truly was the Son of God!”

He suffered such agony, so that I could live. So that you could live. Suddenly, it doesn’t matter so much, this cold wind and rain. The smoke in my apartment they can’t get rid of. This blemish on my chin that really hurts.

Such love, that overcomes every obstacle, every chain, every sin…and rushes me to His side. I am overwhelmed.

A message to my peeps (not the marshmallow ones)

I can't come up with a title for this post, but I might by the end of this. Got a whole lotta things going on...

• Registered for classes yesterday. Feeling old. Might be a good thing that I'm only taking online classes this summer. Feeling a little nervous that I don't have this in me. But I guess all I can do is try, right?


• Going to bed at 10 pm every night. It feels weird, but good all at the same time.


• Emi turned 7 months on Sunday. She grew a lot today; her face looked different when I got home from work. I hate it when that happens because then I definitely know I missed out on stuff while I was working.


• Reading some really great books, all of which send me to my Bible for more reading. I like that. Elisabeth Elliot is my new favorite author of all time. That woman has a lot to share and a lot to give.


• Amy Carmichael is my new hero. Or heroine? That just sounds too much like the drug so let's just go with hero. She's in heaven with Jesus now so I doubt she cares what I call her. I don't know that I've ever had a hero before (other than my mom who is still my hero). I like this too.


• PixyStix. Grape ones. That your husband finds hiding on the top of the fridge for you when you mention how there is nothing left to eat in the house. That have an expiration date of Nov 2011 on them which makes you wonder how long they have been there, and how long, exactly, PixyStix last on the shelf. But, oh, the wonder of it!! Takes me back to when I was 11 and used to ride bikes up to Colonial Pharmacy in Sarver, PA. 25 cents would get you one of those really big fat PixyStix things. And a whole lotta sugar buzz.


• Do you ever wonder what Jesus did for fun? I do. We were created in His image, after all, and so there's got to be some sense of humor or desire to have fun there, right? So what do you think He did? Volleyball? Communist Church? (just kidding) Tic tac toe? It's something to think about, for sure.


• I'm not all fun and games, either. I've got a ton of serious stuff going through my mind and heart right now, but none of it that I can share (yet?). I hope whatever He's doing in me is for keeps.


• All 3 of my kids want singular quality time with me when I get home from work each night. It's challenging. Oh, and impossible. Did I mention impossible? To share a bit of the drama with you, last night I ate my dinner (wonderfully cooked by my adoring husband by the way) with Kenna on one knee, Emi in the other arm, trying to scoop corn and rice into my mouth while missing Kenna's face/hair with the tines of my fork, and keeping the plate away from Emi who is now grabbing everything in sight. Oh, and from time to time Emi would dive bomb my shirt because she wanted to nurse. It is nothing short of a miracle that my plate did not crash to the floor. Hard to describe but trust me, it was funny!


• Talked to my dad on the phone tonight. A rare few minutes when neither of us had anything to do but talk to each other. It was wonderful.


• I saw a sweet potato (yam for all you southerners) that was as big as my head tonight at Kroger. No lie. I would have taken a picture to prove it to you but I was talking to my dad. Now that I'm thinking about it, I should have just bought it to show my son. Maybe I could get him to eat the BIGGEST SWEET POTATO EVER.


• I caught myself looking around the house for inspiration for something to write about, which is a sure sign that I need to end this post. (I always do this when I was sending tokbox video messages to my sister, and funnily enough, she would do the same thing to me. You know you did, Jacque...)

I'm almost 100% sure that I will not be writing here again before Resurrection Sunday. Please, have a blessed weekend with your families...as we celebrate our Savior's death, burial, and resurrection, remember the suffering, the sacrifice He made so we could live eternally. And then remember that our sins are buried forever with Christ and we have been made alive in Him!! Oh, Happy Day, Happy Day!

Grace and peace to you all. My peeps.

Shh.

" 'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. If he can keep us hearing radios, gossip, conversation, or even sermons, he is happy. But he will not allow quietness. For he believes Isaiah where we do not. Satan is quite aware of the power of silence. The voice of God, though persistent, is soft...Let us resist the devil in this by avoiding noise as much as we can, purposefully seeking to spend time alone, facing ourselves in the Word...Satan is aware of where we find our strength. May he not rob us!" --Jim Elliot, in a letter to his family during his college days

I am reading this book about the life of Jim Elliot (Shadow of the Almighty), the quote above is from pg 85. There is so much wisdom that can be gleaned from the life of this missionary, who died at an early age at the hand of a primitive Indian tribe. Challenging, to say the least. I have to read it in bits and pieces, mostly due to time constraints, but honestly, there is much to think on after I read.

One thing this has convinced me of: I need to re-start writing in my journal. And I need to write more paper letters. Email is great, but what does it leave behind for others? Yes, I suppose I can hope that this blog might "endure," ha ha, but really, probably not. Unless someone knows this little ol' blog exists, chances are good that it remains mostly anonymous.

Yet there are things I do not wish to write for the world wide web to see, things my heart is pondering, that one day I might wish for my daughters to know about as they begin their journey of motherhood. Those things may be missed because I am too busy, or because my email password got lost.

So, I begin. A cheap little journal from BAM and I'm ready to go. Yes, I did need a new one, because I have no earthly idea where my others are.

Oh, and on the silence passage above? I felt compelled after I read that passage to return to my hotel room (traveling for work this week) and NOT turn on the tv at all. Do you have any idea how hard that is? When you are traveling alone, the tv is like company. It really doesn't matter what's on, the point is, someone is there with you.

Seriously, I about fell off my bed just typing that when I realized how ridiculous that sounded. "the tv is like company." Really? I clearly have some issues with quiet and just "being." I thought it was interesting that Jim said (speaking of the devil) "For he believes Isaiah where we do not." Because, isn't the absence of practicing something an unbelief in that practice? If I really believed the Bible, wouldn't I act like it was true for me, at all times?

Read your Bible, pray every day, and you'll grow...grow...grow.