Sad

Can I just be sad today? I go through phases of grief...I think that this move to a new house and all that entails has helped me to not "think" so much. But it just hit me again today how sad I am about losing another baby.

People have told me they think we are strong because of all we have been through, and I think in a small way they are right--we've had a lot of practice at this kind of grief. But mostly, we've just learned Whom to hold on to. Our hope is in God, in our Savior Jesus Christ.

But just because we know that God works all things for our good according to His purpose, doesn't mean that disappointments won't come our way and that we won't suffer any on this earth.

I have to remind myself that it's ok to be sad, to grieve for this lost little one. It's ok. To take a few moments and honor the life that God allowed us to be part of creating, even for a short time.

The hardest times are those a few months after a loss, when the "news" of it has died down. You are still grieving, but everyone else has forgotten or just moved on. Your heart cries out to remember your little one and you want everyone else to remember too.

And, though I am happy for them, it's hard to see my friends announce their pregnancies, with due dates around the same time. I don't begrudge their happiness, not for a second. It just makes me sad to realize again all that is lost. All the excitement of hearing the heartbeat, seeing that tiny body through the ultrasound, finding out "girl" or "boy." Feeling the flutters of the first movements, rubbing my belly, bumping my belly into everything, using my belly as a table.

Yet, I am so thankful. I have not been left alone to deal with my loss. I am not forgotten. I am not betrayed, or forsaken. It was prophesied about Jesus:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. - Isaiah 61:1-3

"The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love." Psalm 147:10

Cinnamon Muffins

Not so healthy, but these were quick to make & so so yummy. (The recipe says to serve warm, but I made them, let them cool, and we ate them for dessert. They are still good cold, but would be excellent warm, too.)

Cinnamon Muffins

Yield: 1 dozen

1/3 cup shortening
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
1-1/2 cups all purpose flour
1-1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg (we hate nutmeg, I replaced with cinnamon & it was good)
1/2 cup milk

Topping:
1/2 cup sugar
1-1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
3 Tbsp butter, melted

In a bowl, cream shortening & sugar. Add egg; beat well. Combine flour, baking powder, salt, and nutmeg (or cinnamon); add to creamed mixture alternately with milk and mix well.

Fill greased muffin cups half full. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. (Mine took only 15 min...these do not really brown so be sure to check with toothpick.)

In a shallow bowl, combine sugar & cinnamon. Dip muffin tops in butter, then in cinnamon-sugar. Serve warm. (Note: I had a lot of cinn-sugar left over--you might even be able to half the amounts for the topping depending on your preferences.)

Celebrate

Today, I am celebrating MY independence. Yes, remembering what made this country great, our beginnings. But also remembering what Christ did for me, and reveling in the ways I get to experience that freedom on a daily basis.

Mostly, today, I am thankful for the freedom I have to raise my kids, at home. This is such a gift to me...my sweet husband working so many hours so that I can do the best work there is. Nurturing new lives, training hearts, and in the process realizing how He wants to change me through it all.

I have a few links to share with you. These are powerful to me today; I hope they minister to you, too. (And maybe all you SAHMs reading this will get a few minutes to click on them since it's a Saturday...)

A Mother's Work...a new perspective. "Tonight, I’ll finally linger at the last light switch. I’ll have worked today but no one will have paid me a cent. Real work rises above the necessity of mere money. Tonight, I'll have more than money. I’ll have a bouquet of words, mumbled words from around the table from mouths too full. Words He too will say at the end of time to the faithful servants. Like the words He said in the beginning, when He began His work, when He finished each task..."

Not a Stay-at-Home-Mom? "~Hold a sleeping babe in your arms, mouth agape and warm breath drifting, and stand before a map of this world. Which would you rather have? Paris, New York, Tokyo, London------or this flesh lying against yours, this one made in the image and likeness of the very Divine? This world is going to burn up, cinders for the universe….but your child is a soul without end, forever and ever existence. The world has pitifully, laughably little to offer in comparison to this holy opportunity to raise up a child."

Relationship with God in the Midst of Crazy Family Life "Sometimes it is too loud in here. Sometimes I don’t know if I am going or coming here. Sometimes I’d like to leave here. But here, within these four walls, is where we live, and laugh, and love…in the presence of Him Who knows no boundaries...."

Kids are like Ice Cream. "Sometimes being a stay at home mom is like eating ice cream that has a little frost bite on it. You really love the ice cream so you keep eating it, but those little pieces find their way onto your spoon every now and again. It doesn't make you stop eating it, since you love it so, but it does put a sour taste in your mouth every now and again...."