You know how your mother always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?"
(crickets chirping)
Be back soon, when I have an attitude adjustment.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Sunday, December 6, 2009
A day in the life...Version "That" woman
As you can tell on my blog, I've been pretty introspective lately. I've had something like 5 or 6 major life changes within the past 3 months--you know, those that qualify for big stressful "points" or whatever. It's definitely been a place of transition for me. Some days I'm patient with myself, and other days I wish I could run to the opposite end of the world from myself. :) If only that were possible...
On my rough days, I'm usually frustrated with "why" can't I do it all? The world seems to think that it can be done. That a woman can be Career Woman--climbing the corporate ladder. And Wife/Mother--being that perfect housewife and doting mother who always has time to do the baking and scrubbing the baseboards. And Super Christian Woman--making sure she is helping to feed the hungry, spend an hour in prayer/Bible study every day, and encourage others in their walk with the Lord.
I ponder these things. I realize that I "could" do them all--but probably not well, and most likely my health would suffer. I come to a place of acceptance that it must not be God's will for me to do everything perfectly and then I try to focus on one thing at a time. But still I'm frustrated. I feel like there is something missing and that I constantly don't measure up.
Last year, I spent some time in a Bible study about marriage where we looked at the example of "That" woman in Proverbs 31. I would look at this woman and think, "Who IS this woman? And where does she live? What does she have that I don't, and how on earth is she doing all of this, doing it well, AND the people in her city praise her? What gives?"
One night, the Holy Spirit gave me this revelation about the Proverbs 31 woman. He said, "You're looking at her life and thinking she is this perfect woman and does all these perfect wonderful things every day. But my intention was to show you her LIFE. Not a "day in the life," but her WHOLE life."
You see, it's a picture of seasons. In one season of her life, she selects wool and flax, working with eager hands. In another season, she considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. In still another season, she makes coverings for her bed and is clothed in fine linen and purple. Later on, she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. As she gets on in years, her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Of course, this is just my interpretation and how I feel God explaining the passage to me. But it is SO encouraging. I don't have to be under this pressure to be a perfect employee, perfect boss, perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect housekeeper, perfect Christian--all day, every day. Instead, the Lord showed me He is looking at the book of my life to find the value. Not at each individual chapter (though He sees them all). It's the process--the journey.
Every day I remind myself that without Him, I am nothing anyway. I am never great at asking for help--but I'm trying to remember how much I need Him. Am I going to fail, and have bad days and bad "chapters?" You bet. But then I think those situations might lead to something that would help me to "speak with wisdom" and give me "faithful instruction" for someone else going through that season of life.
I'm learning to like "That" woman--I hope you will, too.
On my rough days, I'm usually frustrated with "why" can't I do it all? The world seems to think that it can be done. That a woman can be Career Woman--climbing the corporate ladder. And Wife/Mother--being that perfect housewife and doting mother who always has time to do the baking and scrubbing the baseboards. And Super Christian Woman--making sure she is helping to feed the hungry, spend an hour in prayer/Bible study every day, and encourage others in their walk with the Lord.
I ponder these things. I realize that I "could" do them all--but probably not well, and most likely my health would suffer. I come to a place of acceptance that it must not be God's will for me to do everything perfectly and then I try to focus on one thing at a time. But still I'm frustrated. I feel like there is something missing and that I constantly don't measure up.
Last year, I spent some time in a Bible study about marriage where we looked at the example of "That" woman in Proverbs 31. I would look at this woman and think, "Who IS this woman? And where does she live? What does she have that I don't, and how on earth is she doing all of this, doing it well, AND the people in her city praise her? What gives?"
One night, the Holy Spirit gave me this revelation about the Proverbs 31 woman. He said, "You're looking at her life and thinking she is this perfect woman and does all these perfect wonderful things every day. But my intention was to show you her LIFE. Not a "day in the life," but her WHOLE life."
You see, it's a picture of seasons. In one season of her life, she selects wool and flax, working with eager hands. In another season, she considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. In still another season, she makes coverings for her bed and is clothed in fine linen and purple. Later on, she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. As she gets on in years, her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Of course, this is just my interpretation and how I feel God explaining the passage to me. But it is SO encouraging. I don't have to be under this pressure to be a perfect employee, perfect boss, perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect housekeeper, perfect Christian--all day, every day. Instead, the Lord showed me He is looking at the book of my life to find the value. Not at each individual chapter (though He sees them all). It's the process--the journey.
Every day I remind myself that without Him, I am nothing anyway. I am never great at asking for help--but I'm trying to remember how much I need Him. Am I going to fail, and have bad days and bad "chapters?" You bet. But then I think those situations might lead to something that would help me to "speak with wisdom" and give me "faithful instruction" for someone else going through that season of life.
I'm learning to like "That" woman--I hope you will, too.
A day in the life...Version "Me"
Some sweet pictures and later, some thoughts.
First, Kenna practicing her girliness. She loves necklaces, scarfs, purses, shoes. Combinations are especially important.
Her new thing when she watches "Praise Baby" DVDs. I love the crossed legs and arm holding up her chin. Nightgown and slippers complete the ensemble... She is already way more girly than I will ever be!
Me and my sweeties, in Washington, D.C. We took a crazy, spur-of-the-moment trip there yesterday (only 3 1/2 hrs away), and got back tonight. None of us had ever been, and we braved the snowy roads on the way there. We were rewarded with beautiful, clear blue skies and plenty of amazing monuments and buildings. The architecture and history behind all the sights is just overwhelming. Marc & I fell in the love with the city--we hope to go back & visit again when we can spend more time. The beauty of it is that almost everything is free. My kind of city!
Kenna Boo at the mall this weekend. New play areas always fascinate the kids. This one was not enclosed--to our displeasure and Kenna's joy. :) She spent most of her time here testing us on "staying on the carpet," and would walk right to the edge of the carpet, look at us, put her foot in the air, smile, and then turn back around to run to the other side and do it all over again.
Zach and the "important man." (his words after I explained who Lincoln was!) Both my kids captivated the tourists. People kept coming up to us & asking to take pictures of the kids. Kenna especially seems to have this magnetism with strangers--we'll have to watch her closely! Marc says he thinks that with her strong will and this magnetism "we've got a leader on our hands." A bit scary that it's our job to raise her....we have to remember to be intentional about looking at this in a positive light. She's not "strong willed" but "determined."
First, Kenna practicing her girliness. She loves necklaces, scarfs, purses, shoes. Combinations are especially important.
Her new thing when she watches "Praise Baby" DVDs. I love the crossed legs and arm holding up her chin. Nightgown and slippers complete the ensemble... She is already way more girly than I will ever be!
Me and my sweeties, in Washington, D.C. We took a crazy, spur-of-the-moment trip there yesterday (only 3 1/2 hrs away), and got back tonight. None of us had ever been, and we braved the snowy roads on the way there. We were rewarded with beautiful, clear blue skies and plenty of amazing monuments and buildings. The architecture and history behind all the sights is just overwhelming. Marc & I fell in the love with the city--we hope to go back & visit again when we can spend more time. The beauty of it is that almost everything is free. My kind of city!
Kenna Boo at the mall this weekend. New play areas always fascinate the kids. This one was not enclosed--to our displeasure and Kenna's joy. :) She spent most of her time here testing us on "staying on the carpet," and would walk right to the edge of the carpet, look at us, put her foot in the air, smile, and then turn back around to run to the other side and do it all over again.
Zach and the "important man." (his words after I explained who Lincoln was!) Both my kids captivated the tourists. People kept coming up to us & asking to take pictures of the kids. Kenna especially seems to have this magnetism with strangers--we'll have to watch her closely! Marc says he thinks that with her strong will and this magnetism "we've got a leader on our hands." A bit scary that it's our job to raise her....we have to remember to be intentional about looking at this in a positive light. She's not "strong willed" but "determined."
Zach really loved the Lincoln Memorial and asked to go back up a second time. He's definitely a "Stone" though--the 2nd time he went up, Marc said on the way out Z managed to bang the large metal sign which proceeded to echo throughout the whole memorial. The sign reads, "Quiet please, let's be respectful!" Ha ha. The Stone family has a reputation for being clumsy; I think he'll fit right in.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A list for my friends
Things I like:
- Popcorn made the old fashioned way, on the stove. Topped with parmesan cheese and salt.
- My new reading corner where kids flock to me
- Pajama pants and comfy socks
- Booking plane tickets to go somewhere fun
- Other people booking plane tickets to come see me.
- SweetTarts: only yellow, purple, and orange. I throw away the green and blue. Sometimes I eat the pink, but not often. Mostly those get thrown away too.
- Dad's homemade spaghetti sauce
- My laptop
- Quiet moments with my daughter
- Looking at the lake from my living room window
- My job
- God's Word
- The number 7 and the letter M
- Watching penguins at the zoo. Just pull up a chair, I'm entertained for hours.
Things I'm planning:
- To drink more water tomorrow
- Buy a car this weekend--Z says it should be white. We'll see.
- Get family pictures taken soon...now that the stitches are out.
- Have a cup of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows
- Read my Bible more this week
- Eating SweetTarts. Yellow and purple only.
- Pay the bills, so they don't kick me out of my house.
- Go back to college.
- Love more. Laugh more. Sleep more.
Things you do:
- Make me laugh
- Keep me going
- Put up with my crap
- Inspire me to be more
- Inspire me to do less
- Challenge me
- Help me finish off that last bit of ice cream. Because someone has to.....
- Laugh at my stupid jokes
- Laugh at my funny jokes
- Love me
Thank you....you are faithful friends.
Monday, November 9, 2009
You can't have it all. But you can have some of it, all the way.
In my 14 free minutes every day, I've been doing some thinking. And I just want to get it all out on "paper." One of the things I love to do is to make lists--not only does it give me a concrete way to accomplish things, but it gets all the "stuff" that's swimming around in my head a place to land. And frees up my mind for other more important things....like thinking about what I'm going to eat next.
Anyway, I'm remembering what my life as a "working a full time job" mom used to be like when Zachary was little and I had a stressful job. Trying to be the best employee I can be, giving my job my all while I'm there, while still being the best Christian, the best wife, the best mom, the best homemaker, the best friend I can be. All at the same time. I remember I was always successful in certain areas at a time--never all at once. I used to feel really upset that I couldn't be "the perfect woman" who can juggle a 50-hr-a-wk job with all the demands of a family and home. Now I'm just sad that I can't, but I'm trying to give my all in whatever role is mine for the hour.
I really love my job, which makes the 7:30-5:30 hours of my day go by very quickly and enjoyably--for the most part. We all have our days. But in the past 2 years I've spent being "only" a wife, mother, homemaker, friend, I've forgotten what it was like when you had no free time. When you have to take personal or vacation time just to go to the chiropractor. Or figure out how you're going to get your hair cut without losing any work time. When your spare minutes at home are spent wishing your kids would give you 5 minutes of alone time....and then missing them intently after they've been in bed for 30 minutes.
I don't think that I can ever be that "balanced" woman that everyone talks about. Who is the perfect everything? I'm not even convinced that being balanced means you can do it all well like the world seems to believe. Maybe it means that you have to let some things go for the sake of other things. Tip the scales in favor of something important for things that are less so.
So my free 14 minutes a day this week are being spent pondering the things that are going to remain on my scales. Not everything's going to make the cut, that's for sure. Probably not everyone, either. I hate that with everything in me....I am a perfectionist. I want to do it well, I want to do it excellently, and I want to be the best. But I'm realizing that I need to "choose this day Whom I will serve," and that I, and only I, am responsible to make those choices. Others may not like it, but I don't answer to them.
Some things that are definitely staying (or being added because they are being forgotten!):
Sleep
Rest & down time....
Bible reading & prayer times
Family time with no tv
Work, done well
Cuddling with my kids
Checking the mail. By myself.
Things you might not find me doing as often:
Facebook
Phone calls
Cleaning (that's what my "house husband" is for now)
Cooking, except on the weekend
Cutting coupons and seeking "deals." A regular sale price without a coupon is still a deal if I get to save time.
Blogging, though I love it
Blog-reading, except for my friends
I would ask all my friends and family to be patient with me, but I think I'm past that point right now. I'm to the point that it just doesn't matter to me what other people think because all that matters is what He thinks. God's given me this job to do (literally and figuratively), and I plan to do it and do it well.
If I could learn to be content with hardly seeing my husband, dealing with a fussy newborn daughter and a rambunctious 2 yr old son, on a tight budget, in a 2 bedroom house....then I can learn to be content with a demanding job, a new lifestyle, and remembering what it's like to be married again. Is it the life I would have hand-picked for myself? Maybe not. But is it good?
Absolutely.
Anyway, I'm remembering what my life as a "working a full time job" mom used to be like when Zachary was little and I had a stressful job. Trying to be the best employee I can be, giving my job my all while I'm there, while still being the best Christian, the best wife, the best mom, the best homemaker, the best friend I can be. All at the same time. I remember I was always successful in certain areas at a time--never all at once. I used to feel really upset that I couldn't be "the perfect woman" who can juggle a 50-hr-a-wk job with all the demands of a family and home. Now I'm just sad that I can't, but I'm trying to give my all in whatever role is mine for the hour.
I really love my job, which makes the 7:30-5:30 hours of my day go by very quickly and enjoyably--for the most part. We all have our days. But in the past 2 years I've spent being "only" a wife, mother, homemaker, friend, I've forgotten what it was like when you had no free time. When you have to take personal or vacation time just to go to the chiropractor. Or figure out how you're going to get your hair cut without losing any work time. When your spare minutes at home are spent wishing your kids would give you 5 minutes of alone time....and then missing them intently after they've been in bed for 30 minutes.
I don't think that I can ever be that "balanced" woman that everyone talks about. Who is the perfect everything? I'm not even convinced that being balanced means you can do it all well like the world seems to believe. Maybe it means that you have to let some things go for the sake of other things. Tip the scales in favor of something important for things that are less so.
So my free 14 minutes a day this week are being spent pondering the things that are going to remain on my scales. Not everything's going to make the cut, that's for sure. Probably not everyone, either. I hate that with everything in me....I am a perfectionist. I want to do it well, I want to do it excellently, and I want to be the best. But I'm realizing that I need to "choose this day Whom I will serve," and that I, and only I, am responsible to make those choices. Others may not like it, but I don't answer to them.
Some things that are definitely staying (or being added because they are being forgotten!):
Sleep
Rest & down time....
Bible reading & prayer times
Family time with no tv
Work, done well
Cuddling with my kids
Checking the mail. By myself.
Things you might not find me doing as often:
Phone calls
Cleaning (that's what my "house husband" is for now)
Cooking, except on the weekend
Cutting coupons and seeking "deals." A regular sale price without a coupon is still a deal if I get to save time.
Blogging, though I love it
Blog-reading, except for my friends
I would ask all my friends and family to be patient with me, but I think I'm past that point right now. I'm to the point that it just doesn't matter to me what other people think because all that matters is what He thinks. God's given me this job to do (literally and figuratively), and I plan to do it and do it well.
If I could learn to be content with hardly seeing my husband, dealing with a fussy newborn daughter and a rambunctious 2 yr old son, on a tight budget, in a 2 bedroom house....then I can learn to be content with a demanding job, a new lifestyle, and remembering what it's like to be married again. Is it the life I would have hand-picked for myself? Maybe not. But is it good?
Absolutely.
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." - Psalm 34:8-10
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A moment
If you'll allow me a personal moment...
I'm hurting today. Should have been 25 weeks pregnant, should already have known whether it was a "he" or a "she" kicking the crap out of me. Should be enjoying the belly rubs and back aches.
It's a hard thing when it feels like everyone around you is pregnant.
Sometimes I'm still asking why. It just doesn't make sense. 5 babies I won't know til heaven.
p.s. no stupid comments please. i don't want to deal with any single men who don't have a clue what i'm dealing with and always have something smart to say. it's my blog & i'll cry if i want to. if you don't like it, there's a red "x" at the top of your page. click it.
Thankyouverymuch.
I'm hurting today. Should have been 25 weeks pregnant, should already have known whether it was a "he" or a "she" kicking the crap out of me. Should be enjoying the belly rubs and back aches.
It's a hard thing when it feels like everyone around you is pregnant.
Sometimes I'm still asking why. It just doesn't make sense. 5 babies I won't know til heaven.
p.s. no stupid comments please. i don't want to deal with any single men who don't have a clue what i'm dealing with and always have something smart to say. it's my blog & i'll cry if i want to. if you don't like it, there's a red "x" at the top of your page. click it.
Thankyouverymuch.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The new
"He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." Psalm 40:3
"You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow." Isaiah 62:2
"His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you a heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
"A new command I give you: Love one another." John 13:34
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17
"You were taught...to put off your old self...to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
"But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness." 2 Peter 3:13
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Change is hard. And yet, without change, life would be boring. Without change, we'd still be cooking over an open fire and living in the woods somewhere....instead of this nice house I have with an electric stove I can turn on and off at will. Or mailing letters to each other instead of emailing and facebooking.
Even when we are the ones who desire change (and not someone else imposing change on us), the transition can be hard. Frustration with the old way helps pave the path for the new way, but the new way is still bumpy.
I brought myself back to God's Word tonight because it renews my mind. It penetrates to my very soul, looking past the crazy hormones, past the way-too-tired brain, past my lack, past my failures. It looks at the "me" that God sees, and reminds me of His truth. I need His truth.
Even though this new path is exciting, and blessed...still I struggle. I miss my kids. I miss being the homemaker. I miss the more relaxed way of life and training my kids' character, even on the hard days. I miss cooking. :) I don't know this new role....it's not somewhere I've been before. I don't know how to be "the husband" and yet not be The Husband. It feels weird to leave my clothes on the floor for someone else to pick up because I'm too tired, and strange to not be the one doing endless dishes and laundry.
So even after a really good day at work, I came home a bit frustrated and sad. I don't want all my kids to see of me to be "the tired mommy who works all day." Not sure how to fix that yet.
And then my husband, a man of few words, sticks his face in mine as I'm contemplating all these things and starting to whine a little on the inside. He says, "Thanks for working. I just wanted you to know."
So maybe I'll embrace the new. Not just stick my toe in the water, but jump in and get soaking wet. Sometimes it's more fun when the wave just knocks you over and you come up laughing because you didn't expect it. He knows the way, and I can trust fully in Him.
"You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow." Isaiah 62:2
"His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you a heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
"A new command I give you: Love one another." John 13:34
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17
"You were taught...to put off your old self...to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
"But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness." 2 Peter 3:13
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Change is hard. And yet, without change, life would be boring. Without change, we'd still be cooking over an open fire and living in the woods somewhere....instead of this nice house I have with an electric stove I can turn on and off at will. Or mailing letters to each other instead of emailing and facebooking.
Even when we are the ones who desire change (and not someone else imposing change on us), the transition can be hard. Frustration with the old way helps pave the path for the new way, but the new way is still bumpy.
I brought myself back to God's Word tonight because it renews my mind. It penetrates to my very soul, looking past the crazy hormones, past the way-too-tired brain, past my lack, past my failures. It looks at the "me" that God sees, and reminds me of His truth. I need His truth.
Even though this new path is exciting, and blessed...still I struggle. I miss my kids. I miss being the homemaker. I miss the more relaxed way of life and training my kids' character, even on the hard days. I miss cooking. :) I don't know this new role....it's not somewhere I've been before. I don't know how to be "the husband" and yet not be The Husband. It feels weird to leave my clothes on the floor for someone else to pick up because I'm too tired, and strange to not be the one doing endless dishes and laundry.
So even after a really good day at work, I came home a bit frustrated and sad. I don't want all my kids to see of me to be "the tired mommy who works all day." Not sure how to fix that yet.
And then my husband, a man of few words, sticks his face in mine as I'm contemplating all these things and starting to whine a little on the inside. He says, "Thanks for working. I just wanted you to know."
So maybe I'll embrace the new. Not just stick my toe in the water, but jump in and get soaking wet. Sometimes it's more fun when the wave just knocks you over and you come up laughing because you didn't expect it. He knows the way, and I can trust fully in Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
