Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I'm awake. And I have a few thoughts going through my head I thought I'd journal to help me figure them out. Bear with me, don't know if they're going to make sense, even to me.

Basically, problem #1 is I haven't spent a ton of time with the Lord lately. Blame it on busyness, trying to get that last little bit of sleep before the baby comes, whatever. It's still a problem. I sense it rising up in every area of my life....can tell that my heart needs some softening, some good time in the Bible.

Problem #2 is that I seem to be doing everything right now BUT what I know I need to do. What's up with that? I mean, here I am, at almost midnight, awake with nothing to do, no one to take care of. I went to bed at 9:15 thinking I was going to sleep the whole night but woke up at 10:45. Here I've wasted a whole hour on the computer without even blinking.

I am identifying with the apostle Paul tonight: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing....For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched (wo)man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:15, 18-20, 22-25)

And again the Spirit brings this passage to my remembrance: "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:12-13)

I just love how even when we don't really know what's going on in our own hearts, the Holy Spirit does. He "guides us into all truth" (John 16:13). All those Scriptures and books of the Bible I memorized as a teenager were not in vain, but are bearing fruit in my life, even now.

Gotta go now, time for some good, old-fashioned, Bible reading. Nothing like looking into the Book of all books to answer some heart questions.

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